My Walk with God - 2005 - (Moulding & testing): July 2005

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Tearing DOWN strongholds and building life!

Last night, I was really glad to be able to see Martina online. I realized that she has been reading my blog since the day I gave her the address to my blog. While chatting with her, she asked me for the songs I've written for the past couple of days. I wish I'd have the honors to be able to record it so that I am able to share it with others. That they will BE BLESSED!

Actually, I want to but I do not know how to go about uploading it to my blog and get it playing like Galvin. Anyway, for those who are curious, I MIGHT give the lyrics and chords... However, these will not be good enough as... You need the tune of the song and how it's sung...

I have a good news to share... Simon is going to lend me his Ipod which have this recording functions in it. I'm so glad and happy that he is going to lend me that device as I can do some recordings of new songs. Songs which I will compose. Of course, it's not going to be by my very own efforts as whatever I do on my own, will not be excellent unless God comes and help me with His Holy Spirit! WOOHOO!!!

I felt that when I was in the valley, I was like King David. I realized that the valley/ desert experiences I went through were never in vain. It was in times when I was in the desert/ valley that I wrote songs for God and draw nearer to God. Of course, I'd not hope to be in those bad times all the time but I realized that whenever I get into one bad experience, I get closer to God than before. I pray like never before too!

Earlier on, I gave Bible study to JingJie. It was really good! Never have I felt the Presence of God so strong at home... This time, in the balcony! My parents did some shiftings and asked some geomancy people to come do something to the house. Bascically, they are not saved yet. I am praying and beliving that they will be saved one day, in Jesus' name.

When my mum told me that the balcony is the place they believed that they purposely made way for the whatever idols/ money idols, my eyes and heart leaps with delight! I felt that way because when bring the Word of God to the balcony to have Bible study with JingJie, I am doing something. Tearing down the stronghold of the evil one!

Before having Bible study, bboth JingJie and myself prayed together in the balcony and I asked God to come sanctify the balcony. I did major damages to those demonic spirits! I went against them and I believe that they are not going to just sit there to wait for me to attack. They are going to come against me soon!

Do pray for me! That the Spirit of God will rule and regin in my family. The strongholds of the demons will DECREASE and JESUS WILL INCREASE IN MY FAMILY!

While giving Bible study, I was reminded of a number of things. As a minister of Christ, I can be who God says I can be. I can be the head and not the tail. Above and not beneath. Blessed in my coming out and coming in. I will be BLESSED ABUNDANTLY! I will RULE TOGETHER with Christ! I AM THE CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD! Amen!!!

I have the victory through Christ Jesus. It's not going to be my very own efforts or things I had done but it's by the Grace and Mercy of God!

I am getting more and more in love with God. I felt that I can be a leader like what people have been saying through my members, through Pastors and etc... I want to make a decision today that I will be more hardworking and more faithful in the things God's given to me!

I need all the encouragements possible. Do give me your supports and encouragements as I know thigns will not be bed of roses but with God and you, my friends/ fans/ family in Christ, I can go through it all just as JOB have gone through!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Hand of God in life!

WOW! I had a wonderful experience with God today! I’m really excited and was stirred within my soul once again.

This week, is a time to “clean” the lives of each and every one of us. I remembered in the year 2002, when I came back to God, I was set free from demonic oppressions and from then, I went on to bible school in the year 2003 and have not backslidden from that day on till now. Yes, there were times I fell into temptations gave into my flesh, was slack etc but I never left God that day till now. I do hope that I’d never fall away from God forever!

I was particularly happy today because I felt the real Presence of God! When Rev Mike was praying for us to get delivered, I went out too. While responding to the altar call, I felt that I should pray for those who want to receive prayers. Therefore, I prayed for Ron, who, also responded to the altar call.

When praying for Ron, I felt both my hands heated up. I felt electricity on my pair of hands and when I laid it upon Ron, my pair of hand felt as if it was on fire! It was really unforgettable!

I laid hands upon a few people and I believe that they are delivered by God, by faith! Amen!

Anyway, I was really glad that I able to serve God in such a way and that nothing is within me. I am glad, not because I have nothing within me but that I was able to experience God in such a manner and to be used by Him! Glory to God!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Saturday, July 30, 2005

What's little will be much in God's hand

Yesterday's cell group was the first time I played for cell group as a guitarist. During the practice, I was rather confident that I could be able to play the songs selected for me to play but... something happened I fumbled and did not play as well, compared to the practice. Actually, I was kind of discouraged by the way that I played. I am not happy with the type of effort made/ standard. I need to up another level of guitar skill!

After cell group, I asked some of the members and they said that the Presence of God was there. When I heard that, I was really glad. This was because while I was playing, I was crying deep within my heart, pleading with God to let His Presence be in the cell group.

God is a good God!

God is GOOD ALL the TIME...

ALL the TIME, God IS GOOD!

Earlier on (29 July), during lunch, I was so full that I did not go for lunch but met up with Vincent to play/ practice guitar. I was glad to be able to spend time with such a wonderful brother in Christ. After exchanging some pointers, we actually played and sang at the HDB void deck. I felt the Presence of God there. Awesome! It's actually very cool!!!

God is no respector of man. Whoever calls upon the Name of Jesus, they will be saved. Just need to BELIEVE and CONFESS that HE DIED on the cross, was BURIED and RESURRECTED from the grave and that HE IS ALIVE! That's what Christianity is all about. Simple yet complex. To gain understanding of Christianity does not need one to be a theologian/ rocket scientist to know what Jesus had done for us. He has paid the price for us; for ALL humans! So long as you're a human, Jesus died for you! (Regardless you like it or not)

Whenever the Name of Jesus is high and lifted up. Whenever two or three are gathered together in His Name, He will BE THERE! That's a promise from Him! He is the SAME, YESTERDAY, TODAY AND FOREVER!!!
Glory and Praise be unto the Name of the Lord, Jesus Christ!

After cell group, I felt the Presence of God stronger in my quiet time. It's been so long that I last felt the Presence of God in my room. I felt really refreshed! God is really awesome!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Thursday, July 28, 2005

The BEAUTY and GLORY

God is really awesome! No words can describe the wonderful attributes and nature He posses. Even though when I was unfaithful to Him and have been doing things that hurt Him, He showed grace and mercy to me.

Can you imagine this? I am nothing but a dust in His eyes. Just as what is written in the Bible, He fashioned me the way I am, plans for my life, made me with His own hands etc. It is really an honor to be able to serve Him and to know Him. Just at the mention of His Name (a Name above ALL Name, every knee shall bow and mouth confess that He is Lord forever), demons tremble, sickness are healed and those under bondage are set free!

When I was down, I feel His Presence so close and so real. When I was facing with trials, temptations and challenges, He led me and guided me through it all. When I failed in areas in my life, He gives chances upon chances to help me learn from mistakes. He even trust that I would be the man, He wants me to be. To have the ability to be a problem solver and be an overcomer!

Glory be unto God that He raised so many man to do His will, from the start of time even till now.
I was actually feeling down and felt rejected for the past couple of days but God is so wonderful! He knows that I have been longing to compose songs, to sing of His glory and His love etc... He never fails me. Just in a spans of three days, He gave me the inspiration to write 2 songs! Glory to God!

I am really happy and glad that He never left me nor have forsaken me. Yes, though there are times I fall and drew to other things, but God is the strength of my heart. He will bring me to trials/ challenges/ tribulations but I know that it's not by my own might nor own power! It's by His grace and Holy Spirit that I will be able to OVERCOME!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Pray for me...

Earlier on today was another busy day. It’s my 4th day I suppose, as a call centre personal. As usual, I fumbled and was very nervous when I picked up calls after calls. There are so many things needed to be done!

Lady Val came to office to look for me to loan my laptop. I brought it there, so that she could use it to surf the net for a job as I felt partly responsible for the loss of her job. Anyway, this “saga” is another which is very interesting…

You see, when I was working with SNP, I actually introduced her to join me after my first month in the company. She was then working with one of the largest telecommunications makers as a customer relation personal. The negative part of her job was this, she had no time to have proper meals and thus, I suggested that she quit her job and join me.

So, after this person by the name of Ho CheeLeong took over as the manager of the department, he interviewed her and she actually got the job! The rest of the story is history.

In short, I felt responsible towards her unemployment and she also felt responsible that I go the boot from SNP; kind of interesting eh?

Anyway, I thought she’s going to be at home doing the sending of resume, thus brought only my laptop and cables, in case the battery flattens. However, I forgot that she had to go out of her home to do it as her mum is not aware of her unemployment. *Sigh*

As a result of not bringing my wireless card, she did not get my laptop, and went off. I guess she must have felt rather angry with me. She walked all the way down to my office and did not manage to get the laptop… It was drizzling too… AWWWW!!! I feel bad!!!

Today’s work really gave me major headache. Jessica told me to lie about a number of things. It all seems good but it’s a lie. A half truth is still a lie. I felt so bad to lie! I think I’ve sinned against God. Instead of me doing it, I told her to help me with it. *bangs head*

I know how Vincent feels now. Knowing something yet not doing it… I’ve sinned against the Omission and Commission. Knowing something, yet not do it. I have let God down. *Frowns*

I feel like wanting to quit the job. If I have to lie and cheat to get things done, I’d rather not do it.

I need to find a way out to get out of this evil trap! I need God’s wisdom and strength to do things.

I’ve met up with a case where a customer just got a product from my company recently but the wireless speakers are not functioning well. This customer requested assistance from me that a technician would go down to his place to check if things are correctly set. After some talks with the customer and the technician, the technician agreed to go down tomorrow.

Really thank God for the favor of men. From what I heard, this particular person is not helpful at all. I guess he looks at different people’s attitude and how each one treats them. So far, I did get a lot of help and assistance from him and his team. I really thank God for it! However, I do pray that they will not sabotage me when they meet the customers. I’m just doing my best for the customers and the company. Other than that, I’d want to do my best to also make the working environment a wonderful place to be in.

At about 10pm plus, I felt pains on my right hips, knee and ankle. This pain numbs my entire right leg and I had to constantly stop by some steps to do some stretching. I really hope that nothing will be wrong with my ankle, knee or hips. If something goes wrong, I might even lose my job!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Monday, July 25, 2005

Unexpected Sunday

Initiaully I thought it was going to be a fine day for today. Plans were to meet up with Ron, JingJing and Rickson to go cell, after cell group, head down to meet some SOT ex-classmates.

Cell group was supposed to start on 1530hrs and I was supposed to meet up with the rest of the ex-classmates in SOT for a gathering at 1730hrs but... Something happened on the way...

It was afternoon by the time I woke up. (Alright, I know it's late but I need more rest than before. So, I took a longer rest today) Ron called me up and wanted to meet up for cell group. Decided to meet him up at 2pm but I was late.

This was what happened...
I don't know why but my siblings and parents were packing up the entire house. They shifted everything here and there. In the end, my room looked like a storeroom instead of the actual storeroom. I was really pretty unhappy with the fact that they literally threw almost everything into my room. What is this? Come on man! My room ain't any dumping ground! It's where I worship God and where I rest. How could they do this to me?

In the end, I attempted to pack up my entire room and was late to meet up with Ron. I was actually about 30mins late when I met Ron.

However late I was, both Ron and myself were not late. Oh yes! I forgot Rickson had went for make-up cell a couple of days back and that JingJie is not feeling well. In the end, only Ron went with me for cell group.

When we reached John's place, it was about 3pm. Cell was supposed to be at 3:30pm. So I surfed the net for a moment while Ron and John were watching tv programs. (I had a hard time connecting to John's internet as his wireless network was not working well. After sometime of troubleshooting, it was repaired.)

Before the time hit 1530hrs, three other cell members turned up. Awesome! I thought it's going to start on time but when it hit 1530hrs, the rest were still not at John's place.

As the time ticks on, it hit about 1630hrs. Then, slowly, one by one came in and took their own sweet time in getting themselves settled. The "best" was that Derek, CherSiew, Charis and some others were talking amongst themselves while Sister Gillian were practising with ChangChin, the praise and worship.

When time hits about 1730hrs, they were still talking and did not draw near to cell even when Sister Gillian asked them to gather around. It was after sometime that they really settled down and got to Sister Gillian. It's real sickening!!! Seriously, I think they have problems getting orders around. What is this?

From what I've learnt from Bible school, this is not respecting others! What in the world are they doing? Seems to me there's no discipline or respect for fellow members! I'm really put off by these actions.

By the time cell starts, it's already 1800hrs! Gosh!!! it's a wait for a whole 3hours!!! Waste of time and I'm LATE in meeting my SOT ex-classmates.

By the time everything ended, it was about 1900hrs. Sister Gillian asked me to wait for awhile as she wanted to speak to me. Yes, She was spot on when she prayed for me but I am really unhappy with the entire late issue.

Although I was late but I was never that late at all.

Meanwhile, my phone rang and SMSes kept coming in. Phyllis, Simon, Albert and Andy tried to contact me for the SOT outing but they could not reach me. I've let them down... In the end, I was the latest to turn up in the outing.

The entire outing was great even though some of them back out last minute. I enjoyed myself in the outing and was really stuffed up with the wonderful food. Yes, although it was a day with mixed feelings but I enjoyed my week, fellowshipping with SOT mates.

We talked about our days in Bible school etc... Simon mentioned an issue about "missions" and reminded me of someone who... ermm... surprised me when she spoke to me out of the blue. (Yes, I was very glad that she spoke to me and that we are good friends even we don't speak to each other much. She's now a leader.)

Simon asked me if I was interested in her or that she was interested in me. Seriously speaking, if she is to be interested in me, I'd have gone for her! Yes, I was interested and still am interested in her... Just that... She's now a leader while I'm not... =(

Well, I guess God knows wht He is preparing me for... I really and seriously need to reflect on myself and start doing what I am to do... I want to... Start to pressure me to reach up for higher goals... To be a leader! =D

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Thursday, July 21, 2005

PAIN!!!

It’s been like two weeks or so that I have this feeling again. It hurts so much and I really don’t want this to happen to me again.

I have been experiencing pains on my right ankle these couple of weeks. Sometimes the pain is so great that I really don’t feel like walking for the moment. How I wish I could just rest my ankle and not walk that much. It just cannot be so… I need to walk around a lot of times in my current job and it was last Saturday that my knees and ankles began to feel sore again.

It was just January that I had an operation on my ankle and I received a miracle healing during March, when Rev Benny was here. It was really great! However, I really pray that the healing which I received will be a permanent one. I don’t want to end up in clutches again. It’s so difficult to walk and so bothersome to have clutches under my armpit...

Do keep me in prayers that I’ll not injure my ankle, especially my right ankle. I have just recovered not too long and I do really want to walk as much as I can. I do not want to end up in clutches again. Never for the rest of my life!!!

This pain on my ankle is around the back of my ankle, right back. I really wonder what’s going on. I do hope to be able to see my specialist soon but the next date will be at around next month. I wonder if I can last that long.

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Sunday, July 17, 2005

My reflection...

Last Saturday was very hectic. From the start of work all the way till the end, I was running here and there. Thank God for the help of Corrine, Christina, Vincent and Winnie, if not, things will not have run on well. I guess by the time I get to serve any customer, it would have been too late for me to do anything.

I really thank God that I still have the strength and energy to run to and fro; from counter all the way to the store. Imagine this, no time for breakfast, any drinks no toilet break. If it’s not God who helped, who else? I doubt I could do it by my own strength.

After the crowd cease due to closing, I felt very weary; really tired and fatigue creeps into my being. It’s been after such long time since I felt such weariness. After work, I went on to Serangoon, to meet up with JJ for service.

While on my way there, JJ called up and… He woke me up from my rest. Arrgghhh!!! How I wish that he did not call up. Anyway, I forgive him.

Both JJ and I were supposed to meet up at 3.15pm at the bus-stop at Serangoon but both of us were late. We missed the first bus to Church but managed to get the second wave bus. While waiting, we met up with Rickson, Charis and some other cell members.

I met up with Alvin on the bus. Alvin was my classmate during bible school days, back in 2003. He’s a very good singer whose pitch is very high. I was rather surprised when I knew that HuiPing, my ex-secondary school classmate, is his girlfriend! Wow!!! What can I say? HuiPing is a very sweet girl with great personality while Alvin’s a wonderful guy with great attitude! Another match made by God, in Heaven!

While talking to Alvin, I could sense that either he’s a leader or that he’s going to be a leader soon. After talking to him, he revealed to me that he’s now leading a cell group. I’m really happy for him. Something hit me when he broke the news that he’s now a leader. I remembered what Pastor Meng said before during my days in Bible school back in 2003. He said that many of us in the class will become a leader. I’m sure it’s not by my own memory. I believe God is speaking directly to me…

I still remember what Pastor Joshua told me before our graduation. He prophesied that I would be a cell leader by June but… I guess It’s not because of God’s fault nor the accuracy of his prophesy. It’s my own attitude. I’ve been extremely slacked in my walk and my life!

Yes, I’ve always wanted to be a leader. It’s not a desire just because of the respect or the tag that I’m after. It’s the desire to want to grow people into a man/ woman who love God so much that they will go all out. Be radical and bold for the sake of the gospel. However, I’ve not been one myself.

I’ve been reflecting upon myself after what Alvin told me. I believe it’s a season for me. He told me that in just about 3 months, if I want, I can also be one too.

Come to think of it, yes, I am already trained in the word of God etc… Two years of Bible school. By right, I am should be one but I guess… It all goes down to my own attitude. *sob*

My attitude determines my altitude – A.R Bernard

Everyone have the ability to choose to be a success in life or to be a failure – Rev Kong Hee

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Chain of events

Sorry for not updating my blog for the past couple of days. Had been busy for the past couple of days and as a result, wasn’t able to update as much as I want. Anyway, there wasn’t any much of an updates except that I do feel rather drained and worn out.

Within a period of less than a week, I was able to catch up with the things going on in the company. Initially, I was rather confused and overwhelmed by the crowds and the things needed to do. I’m sure that I’ll be able to catch up, slowly but surely!

Something happened within these days. Actually, Lady V called up. Yes, I admit that I was really happy when she called but I controlled myself so as to prevent myself from being disappointed again.

Sometimes, putting too much hope on something or someone really drains me and disappoints me deeply. I don’t know how things will be. Anyway, I tried to call her earlier on but she did not pick up her phone. I do hope that she’s doing well.

You see, she wasn’t feeling well the past couple of days. Initially, I thought that she was avoiding me. (Am I really that scary??? Oh well, that’s the reason she gave to me. I guess I have to believe her even when I do have some of my doubts.)

Later on at 1430hrs, she’s scheduled for an interview with my company. I really worry about her because she is still not feeling well. I hope and pray that she’s going to be fine and that God will heal her. Yes, of course I’d want her to get the job with the company but the rest is up to her.

When I was on my way to work, I was reading some of the devotions Pastor Kong wrote. It was indeed a blessing to me - "Prayer changes nations". When I was reading the devotion prepared by Pastor Kong, I was reminded of how he prayed and how he hungry and thirst for God for a revival in Singapore.

In remembered how Pastor Kong and those pioneers shared on what happened and how things went on through prayers. How City Harvest started from a humble beginning to what it is today. It’s not by luck at all. It’s all through prayers, fasting and a lot of hard work. Things never fall into place just like that. Everything happens through careful planning, not what others say as sheer luck. Craps!

Anyway, Lady V turned up for the interview. I hope she'll get the job. Don't know why, just seems that she's hiding something from me. Just couldn't figure out what. Anyway, I do hope that she'll get the job.

After the entire interview, I asked Vincent about the chances of Lady V getting the job. It seems that it's very possible but it'll be a different job scope from mine.

During cell, Lady V called me thrice. Actually was wondering what was going on. (Seems to me that she'll look for me ONLY when she's IN NEED of HELP!) Anyway, shall not judge her this way. Guess she might not be even interested in being friends at all. (Yes, I am those sensitive person and I do not wish to impose myself upon anyone at all)

Oh well, why do I get these impressions? Simple! She called me up to tell me that she's been offered another job with SPH. She just want better money, what lame excuses to say that she wants to work together with me. Seriously, I'm speechless and have really given up on this person. Regardless whoever she'll be... Even as a friend, I've given up on her. No point having friends who does not even treats me as one...

If she ever reads what I've recorded, I've one thing to say to her. Val, I'm disappointed in you. Rather, I think I've placed too much of a hope or expectations from you.

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Excellent wedding!!!

The entire wedding ceremony was a unique yet classy wedding. From the start of the reception, praise and worship, wedding ceremony, the marching in of the bride, to the photo takings, to the speech and all the way till the end, was awesome.

I’m really glad and happy for such a wonderful brother as bro Colin. He really prayed his heart and soul out for the entire wedding. Of course, just by prayers, it’s not really enough. He’s put in a lot of hard work to prepare the entire wedding.

In his wedding, I was touched by a couple of things and also amazed by the standard he placed in his wedding. It’s filled with CLASS and with a Spirit of EXCELLENCE! The courage he has is really amazing. How many grooms would be courageous enough to sing in the march in? How many in the world would dare to sing when they do not have good vocals and tone deaf? (I am not disrespecting him but I really admire his courage and that through hard work and practices, he’s perfected what he’s yearning; to sing with great voice!)

Pastor Meng preached about the 4 A’s in a marriage:
1. Acceptance
2. Attention (Spelt as LOVE)
3. Appreciate
4. Affection

After the preaching of the word, both Bro Colin and WaiWai exchanged rings and everyone appalled for the newly-weds.

Shortly after the ceremony ended, everyone proceeded to the reception to enjoy some finest French cuisine. It must have cost a bomb! The service of the reception was high class and the place was really cool! (The wedding reception was held at the Old Parliament house)

As the wedding comes to a close, both Bro Colin and WaiWai gave a speech which really touched my heart. They have been praying for a wife and husband respectively and finally, they got together. Although the time they knew each other was barely 2years, yet, they knew that they were made for one another. They got to know each other during January 2004 but got together in June 2004. Then Bro Colin proposed to her in August 2004 and she agreed to the proposal! Isn’t it wonderful? Almost all who heard what they went through and how they got together were touched in their hearts.

Both of them shared on how God moved in their lives and how God answered each other’s prayer by giving them to one another. In my eyes, they are a perfect couple! I don’t care nor do I want to know what others think. I just know that both of them pleased God and thus got each other in this marriage.

Although I do not know what will happen in the future but I really believe that their marriage will be a blessed one and that nothing on earth will stop them from being together!

The entire wedding was filled with the Presence of God and it was like a soothing and sweet sacrifice unto God. I know and I know… that this wedding is made by God!

After the wedding, both Bro Colin and WaiWai went on a photo shoot spree! They seem to be enjoy each other’s company. Bro Colin's parents looks very happy and as they drove me home together, I could sense that they felt relieved!

Glory to God!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Saturday, July 09, 2005

I'm so ASHAMED!!!

I'm so ashamed of myself. To see the fire of God, burning so deeply upon the lives of the people around me... Yet, I'm not burning as much as they are. I feel so bad and how I wish... HOW I WISH to be LIKE THEM!!! I want to be so much on FIRE for God. I want to love HIM so MUCH MORE!!! I'm tearing and crying... I feel so lousy! What kind of person I am? I call myself a bible school graduate? BAH!!! I am NOT WORTHY to be one!

Yes, I am not... People around me, seems to be more Spiritual than me. They seem to have the X factor in them yet... I've none of it. Have I really lost it all? My heart and soul is crying out loud! I need more of the Presence of God. I need to love Him more! I WANT TO LOVE God MORE!!!

Up till now... I still remembered what Pastor Kong shared during today's sermon. After hearing the sermon, I was stirred. I feel so much hungrier for God.

I don’t know how, nor do I know why… Somehow, God cause someone from Czech Republic to speak into my life and to encourage me and to help me walk in God’s ways.

Below, is a conversation between Martina and me:

JIM (12:52 AM) : So, you are in Jesus´ ministries now.

JIM (12:53 AM) : Soldier of Jesus Christ.

Me (12:55 AM) : yes! hehehe... it's really an honor to be called into the House of God... :-)

Me (12:55 AM) : what do you do for a living?

JIM (12:58 AM) : Great honor. I´m so glad Jesus set me free. Do you mean "for a living" as what job I have ...?:-[

Me (12:59 AM) : yes.. that's what I mean...

JIM (01:01 AM) : Thanks. I´m an emloyee of the firm, that sells wheels and castors and transport carts.

Me (01:01 AM) : wow.... awesome... :-)

JIM (01:04 AM) : I live with my grandmother, and more of my time I´m with God´s people or studying Bible, worshiping God ...

Me (01:04 AM) : cool!! Godly woman of God!

Me (01:04 AM) : I feel so ashamed of myself.

Me (01:05 AM) : I'm a bible school graduate yet... I'm so lazy and slack on God's words and did not worship Him as much as you... How can I ask for a Godly wife???? :-(

JIM (01:10 AM) : Don’t be ashamed. My life could be to be more depend on God. You know, when I was saved, I spoke with God about my future husband. And I told Him: Don’t give me a husband before my life will be established on You. I’m still single. But I have no problem with this situation.... Sometimes I have.:-)

Me (01:11 AM) : You don't understand... I'm crying out... but... I don't know how... I'm really lost...

Me (01:15 AM) : I thank God for u

Me (01:15 AM) : U are a blessing to my life

Me (01:16 AM) : the fire.. and passion you have for God... really stirred me up...

JIM (01:17 AM) : Could I help you? U know, I know you few minutes. Tell me, please.:-)

Me (01:19 AM) : I felt so lost and hungry for God for the past couple of weeks... I wanted to cry out for more of God... yet... I was so BLIND! So bling to not to see that God is telling me that the person whom I liked... is rejecting me... yet... I was so crazy as to "worship" her more than I want of God

Me (01:21 AM) : I actually saw a flash strip on the internet about that but I was so blind and so insensitive to God... today, after what Pastor Kong preached... I wanted to come home to do some worship... yet... I was talking to friends and singing...

Me (01:21 AM) : after you came on... telling me how you felt and how blessed you were... and how you'd spend time worshipping God...

Me (01:21 AM) : I dont know how or what... something hit my heart...

Me (01:22 AM) : I really am so... ashamed of myself...

Me (01:23 AM) : after so long.... I've finally been able to cry...

Me (01:23 AM) : I felt so... broken...

JIM (01:29 AM) : You know, Jesus loves you so much. And Father´s heart cry out for you: Come to me, my son, I love you, don´t be ashamed, I want to clean you by the blood of Jesus. Come to my arms. I´m waiting for you. Come, run into my arms.

Me (01:32 AM) : how do I run? I dont know how to come in or out of God... I feel so childish and so... unworthy of God... I love Him... I've hurt God too. The same mouth and body that said "I love God" sinned and hurt God so much...

Me (01:32 AM) : I want to love God so much more. I want to do so much more for God... but... I feel so lost... so uncertain... about my own life... Yes, I know God... but I want to experience Him more... want more encounters with God...

Me(01:32 AM) : I'm so sick and tired of myself... I've had enough... I've come to a certain point that... I hate myself... for being such double headed person...

Me (01:33 AM) : yet I know... God loves me... I don't deserve it but God still gives His love...

Me (01:35 AM) : how I long... long to be serving God... to burn for God... to run the entire race... My heart n soul cries out to God... I need God and want God... More of His presence... More encounters with God... yet... I'm so lazy

At that very moment, I felt the Presence of God. It was so real. So awesome, so great and wonderful! I really thank God for assuring me and helping me even when I was down and felt so far. Truly, God is faithful and just! When we feel far and want His Presence, when we call upon His name, He will hear from heaven and give the help we need.

While chatting with Martina on ICQ, I was browsing Kevin’s site and found Galvin’s site and went to see what’s inside. When I log into the site, I was greeted by his composition. The song which he composed himself is really awesome and good. I like it! The song ministered to me and I felt another deep cry from within my heart; this cry yearns and hungers for God. It also wants God to move and change my entire lifestyle and old mindset

I really thank God for His faithfulness and greatness. He is really a God of His word. Worthy to be TRUSTED!!! GLORY TO GOD!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Thursday, July 07, 2005

I'll get KNOCKED down...

Well... After the series of events which happened to me for the last couple of days, I seriously almost got into depression. I'm not sure why but WeiMay came into my mind when I was talking to one of my IRC friend.

WeiMay, if you ever read this blog, I really want to thank you for being such a wonderful friend to me. When I was down and out last year, you stood by me and gave me support. You'll always be in my mind no matter where you are. I do miss you but I know that you're in Australia to futher your studies. I'd be praying for you, always.

I'm very gald and thankful towards God for giving me friends when I'm down. He is always there for me. Yup! Just when I was down, He reminded me of the flash clips which I referred to in my previous entry and I was greatly encouraged!

God is really true and faithful! He is my help in times of need. When I was down, He's there for me and to support me, without me knowing.

Sometimes I really marvel upon what our mind thinks. We may think that everything's over. All is gone. We may think that so-and-so sinned against God therefore lost this and that. God is no longer with so-and-so etc... We get so engrossed with our "pity-party" that we forgot about Someone Who is Great and MIGHTY! Someone who Created all Heavens and Earth. We neglected Him the most but He is always faithful and just towards us! He's been looking after us no matter what we did in our lives which hurt Him.

God is really GREAT! He is really wonder. Just when I thought things are falling... He turned things around for me. Yes, He TURNED MY MOURNINGS INTO DANCING!!! Indeed He is GREAT AND WONDERFUL!

Remember that I said I was terminated from SNP as a customer service executive? Well, I really thank God that I left that place because I don't want to feel so grieved and so aweful during my stay there. Especially after that CheeLeong took over that department. I've nothing against him now that it's all gone. I forgive him and if I ever meet him again, I'd thank him!

My dearest brothers, sisters in Christ and friends, I really thank you for all your prayers and for standing by my side when I was down. God is really faithful and just. The effective prayer of a righteous person avails MUCH to God. God have answered our prayers!!! I have found a job!!!

A miracle, right? Who would have thought what God have in plan for me? Who would have known what God wills for me but Himself? He provided me with another job!!! Glory to Him!!!

Though the pay is not as good as what SNP paid me but they are better than SNP because SNP don't pay overtime pay. While the company which I'll work at, WILL pay overtime pay! Which is very good! (A labourer is worthy of his wages)

Anyay, yes, I'll get knocked down by those who wants me to go down but my God WILL HELP in times of NEED! Who would have guessed? That God will deliever me out of the situation so fast? Within three days!!! I'll be working at a totally new place tomorrow. Best of all... I'll be working with my buddy! Fellow bible school classmate!!! Together... we will FIGHT A GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH!!!

GLORY TO GOD MOST HIGH!!!

Yes, I'll get knocked down... BUT I GET UP AGAIN, STRONGER and BETTER!!!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Thoughts...

Well, I guess God is by my side no matter what happens. Good people do suffer bad things. It's just like a good driver also will experience some problems when driving.

I really thank God for comforting me when I was down. Especially yesterday. Just when I thought I was all alone, I came across a site which I've been wanting to go but forget the URL for the site. It has been a long time since I went to the site to see the things presented. When I saw the clips, I was greatly encouraged.

This person who created these flash is really good. I'd say that he's really a blessing to alot of people!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Realization of reality

Finally, I know why I felt so grieved and terrible. The news broke to me by CheeLeong that I've been terminted. Well, what can I say? Only that the reason that they gave was real dumb. Saying that I am not performing in the company. I mean, please man! I am only there for about a month and am still learning. What craps and rubbish is that?

I realized something. When you're without position, and you try to reason things, they will never listen. That's what been proven to me today. So, I just let them be. As long as they are happy and glad about it. The vengence does not belong to me, it belongs to God now.

I realized something else. When you're down and people knows it, they just say a few words and that's it. Even when you're interested in that person, the person will show if he/she is interested in you by reacting to you. (Maybe I am being negative and subjective about it)

Anyway, I cannot blame anyone. Kind of discouraged and although I thought I was alone, I wasn't. God have been with me all these while. He's been comforting and guiding my paths. Most importantly, when my "friends" and people whom I cared for, did not come to comfort me or come and talk to me, it's ok. I still have God who will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.

After blogging these, some might even laugh and gloat over what's happened to me. I know it's hard to come to the fact that I have been terminted by SNP but one thing I know. That I will still bless God and will still love Him all the more. For the world meant evil for me, but God meant GOOD for me!

Like it's been written "ALL things works together for the GOOD for those who LOVES HIM"

Who knows, though I've been terminated but God is preparing a wonderful job on the way??

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Monday, July 04, 2005

Leading a Christian lifestyle!

Someone said before "If you want to have an easy life, NEVER be a Christian! Being a Christian is not an easy life!" I do fully agree with what this anonymous person who said this sentence. Indeed, leading a life as a Christian is really hard. There are so many things a Christian cannot do compared to what others in the world can do.

For example, A Christian cannot lie, cheat, steal, and commit adultery, gossip etc… While a non-Christian can do all those mentioned above.

Yes, indeed, we are humans too. Yes, we experience things any ordinary humans would go through. Things like temptations, anger, greed, immoral thoughts etc… These are things EVERYONE in the world will experience. I was asked, "Why resist? Are you not a mere human? Just do it! It’s normal anyway! Are you a gay or not?"

When I heard these, I was rather agitated with these questions. Please know this, I am not angry with the person who asked me these questions but the spirit behind this person. It’s not from heaven, I’m sure about it!

Yes, I am a human. I am never gay and will never be one, now or forever! Yes, I am in this world but I am not of this world. I am born again! I am a Child of God! Bible says that I am to be Holy for He is Holy. Yes, this is one of the many temptations we, as Christians, have to face in our lives. What’s being a Christian without carrying the cross? The cross that so cruelly crucified Jesus more than 2000years ago, is it all in vain? What’s Christianity without crucifying oneself of the flesh?

Yes, those thing people enjoy, feel good and indeed are a pleasure to our flesh. However, being CLOSE to God is FAR MORE BETTER and MORE PLEASURABLE! It’s beyond one's wildest imagination!

Although there are Commandments in the bible that restricts us from doing certain acts/ things but it is for our very own good. Likewise, is the law in our country bad? IE: You shall not steal/ you shall not kill. Is it bad? NO WAY! It’s a way to protect us from facing death!

Another example:
Why would traffic police have traffic rules/ regulations? This is also to protect us. To keep us from getting harm and from dying prematurely!

I am rather bothered by something, which seem so common among the younger generations. Things like lying, violence, gangs, sex etc… I mean, these are wrong values! Who am I to judge? I don’t, that’s what the bible says, it’s wrong!

Nowadays, young people go into relationships and as a result of the relationships, most of them had sex! If they went into a relationship and did not manage to have sex, they would be laughed at! What in the world is this? This is really stupid and dumb! It’s really demonic, I should say!

If someone loves another, they will NEVER FORCE the person or ask the person to have sex with him/ her. They WILL RESPECT each other and will WAIT till marriage. Old fashioned? Yea… I guess I am BUT what if you get aids? What if you get (others/ yourself) pregnant? Will you be responsible? Are you able to take up such responsibility? What if the person is USING you as a TOOL to please him/ herself? After "using" you, these people will either leave you or use you till they have found another person to have sex with. So? (If you love someone or someone loves you, they WILL RESPECT you!)

Like I said, yes, being a Christian is indeed difficult. The teachings in the bible might be written thousand of years back BUT we are still humans! We still have feelings, still have needs in life. Whoever said we are the product of time and that we evolved from monkeys, ought to see if they still see monkeys loving or creating arts/ music/ have a sense of beauty etc… Get what I mean?

Although there are many things, which Christians cannot do and it’s tough living as a Christian, it’s to protect us from getting harm. Protect us from all those needless dangers we face. It’s a much safer life too!

Christian life is never boring too! Yes, we have to go Church every weekend, attend cell group etc… It’s to help us get to know more about God and to help us learn to be better as day goes. It’s to know what’s our purpose in life and why are we on earth for etc. We can encounter God, know what He likes and how is He like etc.

Therefore, in conclusion:
Although there are many things we cannot do, it’s for our very own benefit. It’s not to kill our joy/ fun. God wants us to have healthy fun and real joy. A joy from heaven and peace which NO ONE could give! Therefore, if I am smart, I’d take God than the sins of the world which FADES away…

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Devotion

After reading the devotions Pastor Kong wrote for the month of July 1st, I felt like wanting to punish myself for something, which I did/ said in the past...

Matthew 12: 34
"For out of abundance of the heart the mouth speaks"
I need to reflect upon a couple of areas in my life… IE: My thought life, what my heart thinks, what my mind entertains etc… I must guard my heart with diligence!

Moses was barred from entering the Promised Land just because of one sentence he spoke.
*Thinks about things said in the past couple of days".*

Must really give it serious thoughts... But I need to find out why is God so grieved and why am I feeling the same way...

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

I feel so uneasy!!!

Arrgghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THIS HAPPENING???

Feeling so terrible right now. I felt the same way I felt last week Friday. I feel very grieved and bottled up. I can’t describe what or how I am feeling right now but I really feel very troubled.

I can’t seem to phantom what’s going on or what is to come. I feel rather down and unhappy yet I do not know what is really going on within me. How I wish I know what’s going on and find a solution to it.

I feel so restless and so tight up within me yet I’m frustrated, as I am unable to find an explanation or a reason to this feeling.

I’m working right now. How I wish I am in Church or am at home, so that I could concentrate on praying to God.

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Sunday, July 03, 2005

What I really want...

Finally, I remembered the song which will sing, when I find my future girlfriend aka wife to be... I'm sure, if I were to sing this song to her on my wedding day, she's be moved to tears... (I feel that this is a love song... Anyway, I might not completely know what it means but I just really want someone who will standby me, regardless of the situations/ circumstances and someone who will encourage/ love me with her all... I hope that this song will touch her life...)

This song's by Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand
Aaaahhhhh....

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sickIn a case like this
I’ll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Friday, July 01, 2005

My God SHALL SUPPLY

Encountered with something rather ironic today. First, after the entire change of management saga, my new manager told me that if I have anything request/ problems etc, do refer back to him yesterday. I was encouraged and thus sent an email to him requesting to help me get a rise in my pay but… I do not know if I ought to say it’s expectation or disappointment but its facts that he turned me down face on. What craps about wanting to help me when I needed financial assistance?

I’d be lying if I said I’m not disappointed but I guess that’s the way when you see someone’s heart and what kind of person one is when they say something yet not do anything about it.
I’m being… judgmental?

I feel so silly and so sad that I’m under-paid yet I am giving all out to the company. Should I retract my efforts and give lesser?

Attitude determines altitude?

Yes I agree… I guess I’ve to bear with the current moments before I do anything. I think I’ll still go on and work as hard as I can and give all out to do what’s needed to be done. I’m here to shine for God and God is a good God. He will never short-change me nor are His hands too short that He will not intervene into this matter.
Sometime back, I heard someone in Church being an office boy and about 10years later, this certain person was promoted to the CEO of the company and the company also compensated that person the amount of money which they short-changed this person for years!!!

I’ll put my trust in God. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He is by my side and will not let me be short-changed because He said in His word "a laborer is worthy of his wages"

God WILL Vindicate Me! I trust God in that! All things work together FOR THE GOOD, to those who LOVE Him. My God SHALL SUPPLY ALL MY NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES AND GLORY!

Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

My Walk with God - 2005 - (Moulding & testing)

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Tearing DOWN strongholds and building life!

Hand of God in life!

Saturday, July 30, 2005

What's little will be much in God's hand

Thursday, July 28, 2005

~~The BEAUTY and GLORY~~

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Pray for me...

Monday, July 25, 2005

Unexpected Sunday

Thursday, July 21, 2005

PAIN!!!

Sunday, July 17, 2005

My reflection...

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Chain of events

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Excellent wedding!!!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

I'm so ASHAMED!!!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

I'll get KNOCKED down...

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Thoughts...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Realization of reality

Monday, July 04, 2005

Leading a Christian lifestyle!

Devotion

I feel so uneasy!!!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

What I really want...

Friday, July 01, 2005

My God SHALL SUPPLY

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The BEAUTY and GLORY

GOALS from July to end Dec 2005 â Health :

GOALS from July to end Dec 2005 â Emotional, Psychological Growth :

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