I'm so ASHAMED!!!
I'm so ashamed of myself. To see the fire of God, burning so deeply upon the lives of the people around me... Yet, I'm not burning as much as they are. I feel so bad and how I wish... HOW I WISH to be LIKE THEM!!! I want to be so much on FIRE for God. I want to love HIM so MUCH MORE!!! I'm tearing and crying... I feel so lousy! What kind of person I am? I call myself a bible school graduate? BAH!!! I am NOT WORTHY to be one!
Yes, I am not... People around me, seems to be more Spiritual than me. They seem to have the X factor in them yet... I've none of it. Have I really lost it all? My heart and soul is crying out loud! I need more of the Presence of God. I need to love Him more! I WANT TO LOVE God MORE!!!
Up till now... I still remembered what Pastor Kong shared during today's sermon. After hearing the sermon, I was stirred. I feel so much hungrier for God.
I don’t know how, nor do I know why… Somehow, God cause someone from Czech Republic to speak into my life and to encourage me and to help me walk in God’s ways.
Below, is a conversation between Martina and me:
JIM (12:52 AM) : So, you are in Jesus´ ministries now.
JIM (12:53 AM) : Soldier of Jesus Christ.
Me (12:55 AM) : yes! hehehe... it's really an honor to be called into the House of God... :-)
Me (12:55 AM) : what do you do for a living?
JIM (12:58 AM) : Great honor. I´m so glad Jesus set me free. Do you mean "for a living" as what job I have ...?:-[
Me (12:59 AM) : yes.. that's what I mean...
JIM (01:01 AM) : Thanks. I´m an emloyee of the firm, that sells wheels and castors and transport carts.
Me (01:01 AM) : wow.... awesome... :-)
JIM (01:04 AM) : I live with my grandmother, and more of my time I´m with God´s people or studying Bible, worshiping God ...
Me (01:04 AM) : cool!! Godly woman of God!
Me (01:04 AM) : I feel so ashamed of myself.
Me (01:05 AM) : I'm a bible school graduate yet... I'm so lazy and slack on God's words and did not worship Him as much as you... How can I ask for a Godly wife???? :-(
JIM (01:10 AM) : Don’t be ashamed. My life could be to be more depend on God. You know, when I was saved, I spoke with God about my future husband. And I told Him: Don’t give me a husband before my life will be established on You. I’m still single. But I have no problem with this situation.... Sometimes I have.:-)
Me (01:11 AM) : You don't understand... I'm crying out... but... I don't know how... I'm really lost...
Me (01:15 AM) : I thank God for u
Me (01:15 AM) : U are a blessing to my life
Me (01:16 AM) : the fire.. and passion you have for God... really stirred me up...
JIM (01:17 AM) : Could I help you? U know, I know you few minutes. Tell me, please.:-)
Me (01:19 AM) : I felt so lost and hungry for God for the past couple of weeks... I wanted to cry out for more of God... yet... I was so BLIND! So bling to not to see that God is telling me that the person whom I liked... is rejecting me... yet... I was so crazy as to "worship" her more than I want of God
Me (01:21 AM) : I actually saw a flash strip on the internet about that but I was so blind and so insensitive to God... today, after what Pastor Kong preached... I wanted to come home to do some worship... yet... I was talking to friends and singing...
Me (01:21 AM) : after you came on... telling me how you felt and how blessed you were... and how you'd spend time worshipping God...
Me (01:21 AM) : I dont know how or what... something hit my heart...
Me (01:22 AM) : I really am so... ashamed of myself...
Me (01:23 AM) : after so long.... I've finally been able to cry...
Me (01:23 AM) : I felt so... broken...
JIM (01:29 AM) : You know, Jesus loves you so much. And Father´s heart cry out for you: Come to me, my son, I love you, don´t be ashamed, I want to clean you by the blood of Jesus. Come to my arms. I´m waiting for you. Come, run into my arms.
Me (01:32 AM) : how do I run? I dont know how to come in or out of God... I feel so childish and so... unworthy of God... I love Him... I've hurt God too. The same mouth and body that said "I love God" sinned and hurt God so much...
Me (01:32 AM) : I want to love God so much more. I want to do so much more for God... but... I feel so lost... so uncertain... about my own life... Yes, I know God... but I want to experience Him more... want more encounters with God...
Me(01:32 AM) : I'm so sick and tired of myself... I've had enough... I've come to a certain point that... I hate myself... for being such double headed person...
Me (01:33 AM) : yet I know... God loves me... I don't deserve it but God still gives His love...
Yes, I am not... People around me, seems to be more Spiritual than me. They seem to have the X factor in them yet... I've none of it. Have I really lost it all? My heart and soul is crying out loud! I need more of the Presence of God. I need to love Him more! I WANT TO LOVE God MORE!!!
Up till now... I still remembered what Pastor Kong shared during today's sermon. After hearing the sermon, I was stirred. I feel so much hungrier for God.
I don’t know how, nor do I know why… Somehow, God cause someone from Czech Republic to speak into my life and to encourage me and to help me walk in God’s ways.
Below, is a conversation between Martina and me:
JIM (12:52 AM) : So, you are in Jesus´ ministries now.
JIM (12:53 AM) : Soldier of Jesus Christ.
Me (12:55 AM) : yes! hehehe... it's really an honor to be called into the House of God... :-)
Me (12:55 AM) : what do you do for a living?
JIM (12:58 AM) : Great honor. I´m so glad Jesus set me free. Do you mean "for a living" as what job I have ...?:-[
Me (12:59 AM) : yes.. that's what I mean...
JIM (01:01 AM) : Thanks. I´m an emloyee of the firm, that sells wheels and castors and transport carts.
Me (01:01 AM) : wow.... awesome... :-)
JIM (01:04 AM) : I live with my grandmother, and more of my time I´m with God´s people or studying Bible, worshiping God ...
Me (01:04 AM) : cool!! Godly woman of God!
Me (01:04 AM) : I feel so ashamed of myself.
Me (01:05 AM) : I'm a bible school graduate yet... I'm so lazy and slack on God's words and did not worship Him as much as you... How can I ask for a Godly wife???? :-(
JIM (01:10 AM) : Don’t be ashamed. My life could be to be more depend on God. You know, when I was saved, I spoke with God about my future husband. And I told Him: Don’t give me a husband before my life will be established on You. I’m still single. But I have no problem with this situation.... Sometimes I have.:-)
Me (01:11 AM) : You don't understand... I'm crying out... but... I don't know how... I'm really lost...
Me (01:15 AM) : I thank God for u
Me (01:15 AM) : U are a blessing to my life
Me (01:16 AM) : the fire.. and passion you have for God... really stirred me up...
JIM (01:17 AM) : Could I help you? U know, I know you few minutes. Tell me, please.:-)
Me (01:19 AM) : I felt so lost and hungry for God for the past couple of weeks... I wanted to cry out for more of God... yet... I was so BLIND! So bling to not to see that God is telling me that the person whom I liked... is rejecting me... yet... I was so crazy as to "worship" her more than I want of God
Me (01:21 AM) : I actually saw a flash strip on the internet about that but I was so blind and so insensitive to God... today, after what Pastor Kong preached... I wanted to come home to do some worship... yet... I was talking to friends and singing...
Me (01:21 AM) : after you came on... telling me how you felt and how blessed you were... and how you'd spend time worshipping God...
Me (01:21 AM) : I dont know how or what... something hit my heart...
Me (01:22 AM) : I really am so... ashamed of myself...
Me (01:23 AM) : after so long.... I've finally been able to cry...
Me (01:23 AM) : I felt so... broken...
JIM (01:29 AM) : You know, Jesus loves you so much. And Father´s heart cry out for you: Come to me, my son, I love you, don´t be ashamed, I want to clean you by the blood of Jesus. Come to my arms. I´m waiting for you. Come, run into my arms.
Me (01:32 AM) : how do I run? I dont know how to come in or out of God... I feel so childish and so... unworthy of God... I love Him... I've hurt God too. The same mouth and body that said "I love God" sinned and hurt God so much...
Me (01:32 AM) : I want to love God so much more. I want to do so much more for God... but... I feel so lost... so uncertain... about my own life... Yes, I know God... but I want to experience Him more... want more encounters with God...
Me(01:32 AM) : I'm so sick and tired of myself... I've had enough... I've come to a certain point that... I hate myself... for being such double headed person...
Me (01:33 AM) : yet I know... God loves me... I don't deserve it but God still gives His love...
Me (01:35 AM) : how I long... long to be serving God... to burn for God... to run the entire race... My heart n soul cries out to God... I need God and want God... More of His presence... More encounters with God... yet... I'm so lazy
At that very moment, I felt the Presence of God. It was so real. So awesome, so great and wonderful! I really thank God for assuring me and helping me even when I was down and felt so far. Truly, God is faithful and just! When we feel far and want His Presence, when we call upon His name, He will hear from heaven and give the help we need.
While chatting with Martina on ICQ, I was browsing Kevin’s site and found Galvin’s site and went to see what’s inside. When I log into the site, I was greeted by his composition. The song which he composed himself is really awesome and good. I like it! The song ministered to me and I felt another deep cry from within my heart; this cry yearns and hungers for God. It also wants God to move and change my entire lifestyle and old mindset
I really thank God for His faithfulness and greatness. He is really a God of His word. Worthy to be TRUSTED!!! GLORY TO GOD!
At that very moment, I felt the Presence of God. It was so real. So awesome, so great and wonderful! I really thank God for assuring me and helping me even when I was down and felt so far. Truly, God is faithful and just! When we feel far and want His Presence, when we call upon His name, He will hear from heaven and give the help we need.
While chatting with Martina on ICQ, I was browsing Kevin’s site and found Galvin’s site and went to see what’s inside. When I log into the site, I was greeted by his composition. The song which he composed himself is really awesome and good. I like it! The song ministered to me and I felt another deep cry from within my heart; this cry yearns and hungers for God. It also wants God to move and change my entire lifestyle and old mindset
I really thank God for His faithfulness and greatness. He is really a God of His word. Worthy to be TRUSTED!!! GLORY TO GOD!
posted by Calvin Chung @ 9:02 PM
Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com
0Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home