a My Walk with God - 2005 - (Moulding & testing): September 2005

My Walk with God - 2005 - (Moulding & testing)

A daily record of events that happened in my life or things that were brought to my mind and thus recorded. This site is to help me rememeber events and goals. How I used my time; my walk with God; my perspective in life, friends and family members... This blog also serves as a reflection of myself and what I have been wanting/ struggling with/ yearning for/ my up's and down's of life. Do sit back and walk this journey on how I walk life with FAITH and HONESTY with God.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

~~~Salsa Dance~~~

This was exciting! This was the first time I’ve learnt Salsa dance. After Church service, I met up with Jane and we went down to “The Gallery” near Muhammad Sultan and met with something which I perceived as “Salsa dance”. The actions of the people were so intimate and so close. One was sitting at the chair while the other was dancing for the seated one.

Immediately, I thought of what Shawn had said to me about Salsa dance. He was telling me that it was a kind of erotic dance. After seeing what was performed, I was kind of turned off.

After sometime, Jane told me that the dance I saw was actually erotic dance or lap dance. When the dancers performed Salsa, she told me that is the actual Salsa dance. I waved a sigh of relieve.

It was a good time of fellowship with them but I was kind of stoned when I was invited to dance with them. Jane taught me how to dance. Felt kind of strange but it was not a bad experience just that I was kind of stoned as I have not been in night spots for ages.

posted by Calvin Chung @ 1:13 PM  


Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

FREE!!! Freed from bondage

Finally, I find release in forgiving one person whom I once respected and was grateful of but found that he was actually not practicing what he preached. Ok, it’s human to do that and I often do that too. Maybe I was too harsh on him in this area and I need to repent.

I’ve actually had a talk with him 15minutes before 5:30pm (my official knock off time) but it dragged on to about 6:30pm. As usual, he would have nagged on and on but this time, I’m the only one whom he’s talking to.

Normally, before the incident happened, I would listen attentively to his words but somehow he lost my respect towards him. It was so bad that I in a way, hated him and disliked him.

Initially, he wanted to speak to me on the 22nd September but I had to rush for prayer meeting with Rodney, Charis, Karen and Ron. Therefore, I rejected him flatly. He asked me to stay back to talk to him again but I was not available because I had to attend cell group as well as service on both Friday and Saturdays. However, he managed to get me to stay 15mins before work ends for the day.

Alright, let’s talk about the conversation I’ve had with him. Actually, it opens up my perspective on certain areas which I think I am right but was wrong. What I thought I did right, was actually dangerous for me as it could jeopardize my career any moment. It’s due to my inexperience. I ought to keep my eyes open to spot things around me.

However, at the end of the day, I confessed to him that I’ve not been treating him with the best attitude I could gather whenever he talk after that incident and I apologized to him for not honoring him.

It’s not about the things I’ve learnt in life but it’s the attitude that I have towards people. I kind of have an expectation towards someone whenever I know they are so and so. However, what I fail to spot is my own “blind spot”. Bible says that I ought to love one another and judge not or the same judgment will be placed upon my own. I ought to not look into the face of others and tell them that they have a plank in their eyes. Which means to say that I ought to over look other’s fault instead of pin-pointing other’s fault. Now I have something to say. I do not pinpoint others (if I did, I apologize) but if they want to pinpoint me, I’ll pinpoint them too. In as much as I want, I’d not want to judge nor pinpoint others.

Anyway am rather relieved that I did release him out of my life. Next, is my dad, who sided with my sister because they are all smoker. Please know that I am not against smokers but against those who smoke even when there are none smokers around. It’s so selfish and irresponsible of them. We share the same air around and why should they have the right to pollute the air when they are the ones who are making the air quality bad? Also, why should we get out of their ways when they are the ones who should disappear as they are harming the health of others? Ridiculous!

Anyway, as a result of what my dad did, I did in response of what he wants. For now, I’ll ignore him and not talk much to him at all. Why that extreme? See, my mum was having some problems with her nose. My sister who IS a NURSE, for goodness sake, SMOKES! (Can the government pass a law over health care personals and government sectors that they ought not to smoke?)

She was the one, happily smoking away, while I took out my air-freshener, to tell her to stop smoking. She was asking my mum if my mum was ok as my mum told her that she’s having nose block for a couple of days. Worried that she might get some “smoke” related sickness, I told them off. However, they were so blind not to see what I am doing OR was I so uncertain in the things I do that I did not convey a right message OR that I’ve been too presuming? Nevertheless, what’s done is done. Right now, when they smoke, they did a “better” action. They go to the window! (How clever! That’s where the flow of air comes into the living room) Where’s “Common sense”? Or am I expecting too much, out of a nurse?

posted by Calvin Chung @ 11:33 AM  


Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Dumbfounded

What a joy and pleasure to be found by God. I’m serious about this joy, although it’s not a bed full of roses (In fact, it’s actually a bed of thorns) but I am beginning to love this life of being a Christian. (I’m not a sadist)

On Tuesday 19/09/05, I manage to meet up with a long known friend, Jane. I met her, with her boyfriend and friends for dinner. Actually, I did not want to meet up as I was feeling rather grouchy and kind of tired but while waiting, I met Raymond (Church guitarist) and one of my SOT classmate (Indonesian student).

Before meeting up with them, I was rather feeling angry and feeling very strange in a way but I do not know why. Maybe, I need to settle something about myself. A “unknown” self of my own which I need to deal with very soon.

Nevertheless, I met up with Jane, Leon, Jessy, YuPing, Philip and James for Madagascar, at Padang area. It was an experience for me to attend an “open space movie”. It felt rather romantic… I was wondering if I’d be able to go with my girlfriend in future. (Though I don’t have any now)

I was glad to be able to get to know YuPing, Jane. Leon, Philip, Leon and James… of course, not leaving Jun Yi out, who joined us for tea after our “movie”. I do enjoy their company but I do hope that I would be able to reach out to them effectively, if God’s willing.

Anyway, it’s always good to have friends who care for me. I am not saying that my cell group members do not care about me but I guess I’d need some friends whom I can relate to and are around my age. I do love my cell group members though and not forgetting my ex-cell group members who are all over the zone as well as Church.

Oh yes, I’d like to say that I am glad to be able to share my life over here with you. This is because, by sharing, I’m in a way relating myself with you as well as to let you know that being a Christian does not mean that I have to be a fake me but to be a real person as well as to be Godly as well. Being Christian does not mean that I am perfect. In fact, being Christian means that I am weak and I know that I need God. Same goes for everyone. All of us have a longing to know our maker and our purpose to which why we are here for. I’m glad that people who read my blog were blessed by what was written about my life.

I may not be a good writer but I would really want to share as much as what I’ve experienced to those who are interested because there are values which I want to convey. That with my strength, I am not able to be where I am and will never be who I am.

I’ve recently written a poem/ song. I hope that this poem/ song (cause I’d very much want to turn it into a song) will be a blessing to you. Ponder what I’ve written and know who God is…

From the beginning of daybreak
Till the evening breaks
I will choose to place all my misery
Under the feet of my Majesty

How great are You Lord
How awesome is my God
Who can give this Grace
Only when I seek His face

Amazing grace, He's given
Not of my own works
That I am forgiven
But I found favour in His eyes

Amazing love, He's made known
Not through my Righteousness
But by the manifold mercy He’s shown
That I am saved through His faithfulness

Poem by Calvin Chung Sept 2005

posted by Calvin Chung @ 1:19 PM  


Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Monday, September 19, 2005

You're amazing~~~ Never changing!~~~

After the reshuffling in cell group, I’m over-seeing about 6 people. Of these 6 people, only Ron is active in the cell group. JingJie is now no longer under me but I am determined to help him in his walk in God!

Alright, yes I am not walking very uprightly in God but unlike the past couple of days, I am better now. I do hope to get out of this trap I am in and get back on track. I feel so behind God now.

I am really amazed! There are more than 2330 hits on my blog! Who am I that I could get this amount of people clicking onto my blog, reading about me? I mean, I am just an ordinary guy, doing my best to serve God as well as to share my experiences with the people around me. I do hope that those who read my entries will NOT condemn me but would be encouraged or even encourage me when I am down.

I forgot if I did share these but someone from Malaysia wrote an email to me. Sharing with me the condition of her brother who contracted cancer and doctors told her family that her brother had only six months to live. That’s real bad news!!! However, the good news is that, that news was not really new as it has been a couple of years back when the doctors told her family that news! Glory to God that her brother is still alive!

Anyway, after she read about the things God is doing in my life over here, she wrote to me, asking me to pray for her brother to get well as he was admitted to the hospital and his condition got worse than before. After reading her mail, I felt so much that I went to pray and to intercede for her brother.

Just last one or two weeks, she wrote to me, telling me that her brother is now discharged from the hospital and she thanked me for the prayers I’ve prayed. I’m really honored but I really want her to know that it’s not by my prayers that he got better. It was God who helped and God who healed her brother. Also, her prayers made a difference when she prayed. The place of agreement is a place of power!

I’m really glad about these but what excites me and keeps me moving on is that God still loves me. Yes, even though I fell but God is there to help and guide me though it all. If it’s not for God’s presence and His love towards me, I’d not be here any more.

I’m so silly as to have made a prayer when I felt so discouraged. I was discouraged as I am not going to be a cell group guitarist. I felt it was important for me to move on in future but I was wrong. God did not see me as a guitarist. He sees me as someone else. JingJie encouraged me about it and I am glad that he was there when I was down too.

Anyway, the prayer was like a kid talking to God. I prayed “God, if I am never in Your plans, let me go. However, if I am still in Your plans, do heal me of my poor eyesight and grant me perfect eyesight.” (Of course, God would want me to have good health and good eyesight but He's not going to answer my stupid question)

It was a SILLY and STUPID prayer, right? God never answer silly questions! If I am never in the plans of God, I’d never be chosen to be in His Church or even go through Bible school at all! What am I thinking? DUH!

Ok, after sharing so much, I’ve got to go to my main point of my sharing here. I thought that the group of six which I am taking over is going to fail because Rodney and Karen are the few who seldom turns up for cell group as well as service. However, God had something in store for me.

In both last weekend and this week’s services, Rodney turned up and brought Wendy along. This week, Rodney turned up again and I am really happy! Not only that, Rodney brought along 3 other friends as well. Now, the group which I am taking charge directly, have increased from one active to about 6 active! Although it’s still early to count the eggs but I am really glad and happy that my group is growing.

NOT ONLY THAT!!! There is also a breakthrough in service this weekend! A total of 18 members attended our own service. Out of the 18 of us, four were new friends, 1 of them (seldom came to join us in service and cell group) and above these, 16 of us STAYED BACK all the way until we took the Church bus home together. It’s something which I HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT! Rodney and Karen used to leave earlier than before, stayed back to fellowship with the cell group. As a result of these, I felt that I needed to do something. I spoke to a Ron and Rickson and decided to have a prayer meeting this coming Wednesday, 21st September 2005. I’m elated to the core about this. The next thing to rejoice about is that when Ron and I asked Rodney if he wants to join us for prayer meeting, he agreed and willingly let us use his place.

I do pray for a breakthrough in that and Rodney will feel more welcomed in the cell group than before. Also, Rodney will want to join cell group this coming friday, which is located near our home, Serangoon North!

posted by Calvin Chung @ 12:06 AM  


Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Past couple of weeks...

Looking back at the past couple of weeks, I’ve come to realization that I’ve not been doing well at all. I must be really cooped up with the things around me, always wanting to do this and that etc… Worse of all, I’ve noticed this trend that I’d try to be more Spiritual or try to pray more when I am outside or when I am in Church. Is there something wrong with me?

I’ve been struggling so long, it’s a wonder that I’ve not gone away from the Presence of God. Yes, there were the times when I’d wept in the Presence of God and finally, last Saturday, streams of tears came flowing down my cheeks. It felt so good. I really want to embrace in the arms of God once again but I felt so far… Someone else was beside me during that time when I wept. Calvin aka Kaka’s sister… (That’s beside the point)

I thought that I would be turning for the better but this time, I feel that the valley that I am in right now seems to be much tougher and deeper than before. Other than confiding into Pastor, I’ve not been talking much to people. Maybe I have but to some others who are not in church.

Amazingly, though I have been in Church for sometime, I’ve not been able to share much. Maybe I’ve not been a good brother to others in Church and there’s also a possibility that I do not want to bother others. I’m such a fool! That’s what I feel and that’s what the Bible calls me and that’s my conviction too.

I may be a huge stumbling block to people. People may be wondering “look at Cal, one moment, he’s on fire, the next, he’s sinning and is now actually feeling this way?” or some, even can say “Come on, he’s a bible school student? Sure or not? Etc… or “WOW! He’s such a weak person? Is he grounded in the word of God? Etc” or even condemn me. Yes, they did not say it out or that I am too sensitive but I kind of expected these reactions when I pen down these.

Life being a Christian is really not that easy. It’s never a bed of roses and even Jesus told this to his disciples before too.

John 16: 33
33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

I am not looking for excuses but to present the very fact that Christian walk is not an easy task. There are so many battles to be fought in a Christian life and that to name a few of these battles, they are known as Spiritual warfare, against carnal desires, crucifying on own desires etc… These are getting tough right?

I’m not complaining but it’s a tough feat to start with. I can well live a life filled with sin if I want but I do not want that. It’s really filthy and not good for own. If I had chosen that, I would have had many women and also, might not be even be on earth.

If I do not want my life to be changed and was sick of my own life, I’d not want to become a Christian at all. Yes, life is fun but it can be dangerous IF I do not know what I am in for! Ever thought why you’re always stranded from one relationship to another? Going from one bad thing to another? Why you’re here on earth for? Just to grow up, study, have religion, have sex, have friends, have kids etc? Life’s not just like that! If you’re living life just like that, it’s a sheer WASTE of time! What difference are we from animals? Think again!

I DO NOT want my life to be like that! I know I am here for a purpose. However, how am I going to find my purpose without “connecting” myself to the Source of my life? The very one who gave my body its nutrients, its air/ breathe/ food etc…? It’s going to be like an airplane without its pilot! You think that with the current technology of the autopilot, there’s no need to have pilots? Think again… Who created the autopilot technology and it is true that there’s no such need to having to program it and there’s no such need to control the plane via video or a control, which is somewhat from a distance?

Main thing is that I need to be effective when I connect to my Source. The very one who created my entire being! How can an iron be effective to straighten my crumpled clothing when I do not plug the iron into the electrical socket? I have to have some electrical power in order to make it work, right?

Anyway, why am I saying these? I feel so lost right now and directionless. I felt like I’m wondering in the wilderness and the good news is that Jesus is bringing me through it all.

Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell F20 in the house of the Lord Forever.

I want to make this a statement. Yes, even though I am down but I AM NOT OUT. Yes, I may be in the valley but God is with me! NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ON LIFE AND ON GOD!

posted by Calvin Chung @ 11:45 PM  


Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I am BLESSED, I AM BLESSED and I AM BLSSED!!!

Earlier on, I went off earlier than before during work. I’m so glad that I’d be having Bible Study with Pastor Aries. Also, it’s a time for me to do the things I felt God is telling me. That’s to arise and Build my life once again.

While on my way to Suntec City, I was rather excited in wanting to be there on time as I raced my way to Suntec, after alighting from City Hall.

When I reached Suntec, I actually went to the wrong building. I’m rather amused by myself. This is because, I thought I knew where Church office was but I was really wrong. Although I had been there for a number of times, I actually went to the wrong building. Now, am I being stressed up or am I being familiar with the surroundings?

After receiving the correct information from Sister Gillian, I went to the correct place. Upon reaching Church office, I met up with some familiar Bible school graduates. They were once my classmates and are serving full time in Church. (How I wish… I could be there)

Many thoughts came to my mind… I really want to be able to work in Church as a full time minister. It’s not because I’ve nothing better to do but I really want to serve God. I want to be able to give my all to God. Serving Him wholeheartedly and loving Him fervently. That’s my desire and hope one day.

Finally, Bible study with Pastor came. I’m glad that I am there for bible study. Even though it’s Foundation Truth 1, lesson 1, I was really blessed too. Yes, although I’ve been through it during my Bible school days but this time, I get to see things clearer. I thought I knew something but I really did not see it until Pastor taught it.

All I can say is that I am really blessed. I began to see things differently and that serving God is an honor. It’s not about the fame, the money or even the influence. It’s about serving God gladly, not with a grudging heart. While Pastor was teaching, things began to run in my thoughts. Things like how my life is and the type of attitude I had when I was serving God. I need to repent big time…

God is so great! He is awesome! I’m speechless about God. He is really a GOOD God who loves unconditionally. I’ve wondered so many a times, why would God allow me to go through the things I went through (not that I suffered a lot) and though I’ve hurt His heart time and time again, He was still willing to love me that much. Laying down His life for me, on the cross of Calvary, was something I’ve never expected. He need not go through what He went but He did it, just to show that He loves me.

Yes, God might not have died for me, He died for ALL sinners. Among these sinners, I’m one of those, whom I considered as a condemned, will never change guy. He did not give up on me. He gave me chances upon chances, in the hope of seeing me changed. He also believed that I can be the person whom He sees.

Today, I make a decision; a solemn and sincere decision, to follow God with all my heart and might; loving Him with ALL my might. No matter what happens, I’ll not want God to leave me. I do pray that I’ll do all I can, to guard what He’s given to me and will TREASURE it.

In such a short time of Bible study, I learnt so much and began to see things differently. I really thank God for the time given, for me to have Bible study with Pastor Aries!

After Bible study, Pastor talked with me for sometime and he asked me to write a diary to him. I am happy and glad! I want to be disciple by him. He knows the desire and I am willing to bear all to him and to have him, coming into my life, to help me be a better man; to be a GODLY, RIGHTEOUS, GOD FEARING and UPRIGHT man for Jesus. Yes, this road is tough and narrow but it’ll be possible as God says that nothing is impossible with Him!

posted by Calvin Chung @ 9:33 PM  


Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com