Past couple of weeks...
Looking back at the past couple of weeks, I’ve come to realization that I’ve not been doing well at all. I must be really cooped up with the things around me, always wanting to do this and that etc… Worse of all, I’ve noticed this trend that I’d try to be more Spiritual or try to pray more when I am outside or when I am in Church. Is there something wrong with me?
I’ve been struggling so long, it’s a wonder that I’ve not gone away from the Presence of God. Yes, there were the times when I’d wept in the Presence of God and finally, last Saturday, streams of tears came flowing down my cheeks. It felt so good. I really want to embrace in the arms of God once again but I felt so far… Someone else was beside me during that time when I wept. Calvin aka Kaka’s sister… (That’s beside the point)
I thought that I would be turning for the better but this time, I feel that the valley that I am in right now seems to be much tougher and deeper than before. Other than confiding into Pastor, I’ve not been talking much to people. Maybe I have but to some others who are not in church.
Amazingly, though I have been in Church for sometime, I’ve not been able to share much. Maybe I’ve not been a good brother to others in Church and there’s also a possibility that I do not want to bother others. I’m such a fool! That’s what I feel and that’s what the Bible calls me and that’s my conviction too.
I may be a huge stumbling block to people. People may be wondering “look at Cal, one moment, he’s on fire, the next, he’s sinning and is now actually feeling this way?” or some, even can say “Come on, he’s a bible school student? Sure or not? Etc… or “WOW! He’s such a weak person? Is he grounded in the word of God? Etc” or even condemn me. Yes, they did not say it out or that I am too sensitive but I kind of expected these reactions when I pen down these.
Life being a Christian is really not that easy. It’s never a bed of roses and even Jesus told this to his disciples before too.
John 16: 33
33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
I am not looking for excuses but to present the very fact that Christian walk is not an easy task. There are so many battles to be fought in a Christian life and that to name a few of these battles, they are known as Spiritual warfare, against carnal desires, crucifying on own desires etc… These are getting tough right?
I’m not complaining but it’s a tough feat to start with. I can well live a life filled with sin if I want but I do not want that. It’s really filthy and not good for own. If I had chosen that, I would have had many women and also, might not be even be on earth.
If I do not want my life to be changed and was sick of my own life, I’d not want to become a Christian at all. Yes, life is fun but it can be dangerous IF I do not know what I am in for! Ever thought why you’re always stranded from one relationship to another? Going from one bad thing to another? Why you’re here on earth for? Just to grow up, study, have religion, have sex, have friends, have kids etc? Life’s not just like that! If you’re living life just like that, it’s a sheer WASTE of time! What difference are we from animals? Think again!
I DO NOT want my life to be like that! I know I am here for a purpose. However, how am I going to find my purpose without “connecting” myself to the Source of my life? The very one who gave my body its nutrients, its air/ breathe/ food etc…? It’s going to be like an airplane without its pilot! You think that with the current technology of the autopilot, there’s no need to have pilots? Think again… Who created the autopilot technology and it is true that there’s no such need to having to program it and there’s no such need to control the plane via video or a control, which is somewhat from a distance?
Main thing is that I need to be effective when I connect to my Source. The very one who created my entire being! How can an iron be effective to straighten my crumpled clothing when I do not plug the iron into the electrical socket? I have to have some electrical power in order to make it work, right?
Anyway, why am I saying these? I feel so lost right now and directionless. I felt like I’m wondering in the wilderness and the good news is that Jesus is bringing me through it all.
Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell F20 in the house of the Lord Forever.
I want to make this a statement. Yes, even though I am down but I AM NOT OUT. Yes, I may be in the valley but God is with me! NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ON LIFE AND ON GOD!
I’ve been struggling so long, it’s a wonder that I’ve not gone away from the Presence of God. Yes, there were the times when I’d wept in the Presence of God and finally, last Saturday, streams of tears came flowing down my cheeks. It felt so good. I really want to embrace in the arms of God once again but I felt so far… Someone else was beside me during that time when I wept. Calvin aka Kaka’s sister… (That’s beside the point)
I thought that I would be turning for the better but this time, I feel that the valley that I am in right now seems to be much tougher and deeper than before. Other than confiding into Pastor, I’ve not been talking much to people. Maybe I have but to some others who are not in church.
Amazingly, though I have been in Church for sometime, I’ve not been able to share much. Maybe I’ve not been a good brother to others in Church and there’s also a possibility that I do not want to bother others. I’m such a fool! That’s what I feel and that’s what the Bible calls me and that’s my conviction too.
I may be a huge stumbling block to people. People may be wondering “look at Cal, one moment, he’s on fire, the next, he’s sinning and is now actually feeling this way?” or some, even can say “Come on, he’s a bible school student? Sure or not? Etc… or “WOW! He’s such a weak person? Is he grounded in the word of God? Etc” or even condemn me. Yes, they did not say it out or that I am too sensitive but I kind of expected these reactions when I pen down these.
Life being a Christian is really not that easy. It’s never a bed of roses and even Jesus told this to his disciples before too.
John 16: 33
33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
I am not looking for excuses but to present the very fact that Christian walk is not an easy task. There are so many battles to be fought in a Christian life and that to name a few of these battles, they are known as Spiritual warfare, against carnal desires, crucifying on own desires etc… These are getting tough right?
I’m not complaining but it’s a tough feat to start with. I can well live a life filled with sin if I want but I do not want that. It’s really filthy and not good for own. If I had chosen that, I would have had many women and also, might not be even be on earth.
If I do not want my life to be changed and was sick of my own life, I’d not want to become a Christian at all. Yes, life is fun but it can be dangerous IF I do not know what I am in for! Ever thought why you’re always stranded from one relationship to another? Going from one bad thing to another? Why you’re here on earth for? Just to grow up, study, have religion, have sex, have friends, have kids etc? Life’s not just like that! If you’re living life just like that, it’s a sheer WASTE of time! What difference are we from animals? Think again!
I DO NOT want my life to be like that! I know I am here for a purpose. However, how am I going to find my purpose without “connecting” myself to the Source of my life? The very one who gave my body its nutrients, its air/ breathe/ food etc…? It’s going to be like an airplane without its pilot! You think that with the current technology of the autopilot, there’s no need to have pilots? Think again… Who created the autopilot technology and it is true that there’s no such need to having to program it and there’s no such need to control the plane via video or a control, which is somewhat from a distance?
Main thing is that I need to be effective when I connect to my Source. The very one who created my entire being! How can an iron be effective to straighten my crumpled clothing when I do not plug the iron into the electrical socket? I have to have some electrical power in order to make it work, right?
Anyway, why am I saying these? I feel so lost right now and directionless. I felt like I’m wondering in the wilderness and the good news is that Jesus is bringing me through it all.
Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell F20 in the house of the Lord Forever.
I want to make this a statement. Yes, even though I am down but I AM NOT OUT. Yes, I may be in the valley but God is with me! NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ON LIFE AND ON GOD!
posted by Calvin Chung @ 11:45 PM
Email me: calvin.othniel@gmail.com
<< Home