My Walk with God - 2005 - (Moulding & testing)

My Christmas 2005

2005-12-27T23:47:00.000+08:00

Man, it’s been sometime since I’ve updated my blog. I’m sorry that I’ve yet updated the “latest” updates of myself… Yes, there were many holidays and I have been jobless for a number of days. Although I have not had much money to spend like you but I was really glad to be jobless… (At least during the time of Christmas)

You see, I was so glad that I was able to spend time with my family members during this season. Even though most of the time spent was on sleep, I was glad! This time, I felt really sure that I was enjoying the relationship in my family members and was able to talk much more to them. Of course, I do pray with all my heart and strength that I would be able to reach out to them in a more efficient way!

Oh yes, in case I forgot about this testimonial about the faithfulness of God. All of us, who are Christians, will know that God is ever faithful and never late nor is He ever early. He’s always ON TIME! Amen?

You see, on the 23rd Dec, I wrote a sermon on tithing on a website, to Christians who raised questions regarding tithing. I took a lesson from “Getting Started”, which Pastor Kong wrote, and began to preach about it and expound a little on it. God is faithful! Within 24hours, I had a miracle!

You see, I was jobless for close to 2 weeks and I was wondering where will there be money for me to fulfill my building fund. After writing the sermon back then, I prayed and begun to ask God to do what He had said in His Word in Malachi 3: 10-12.

On the 24th Dec, morning, shortly after I woke up, I met my dad (who was then painting my sister’s room). Upon seeing me, he asked if I am going out later part of the day. I replied “yes” and the next thing I knew, was that he went to the living room to take some cash and passed it over to me.

I was rather surprised in a sense because my dad would never give me more than $100 on a normal day or even on such days. However, when he passed the cash over to me, I was surprised to see that there was $200! (Please note that my dad do not give that amount of money regularly. Unless it is Chinese New Year, if not, he would have never given that amount at all!)

Anyway, I really want to witness and testify of God’s goodness! Surely, whatever He said, will certainly come to pass. Even when it’s a little thing like fulfilling a promise which I have said to Him! If He’s said it, He will make sure that it will certainly come to pass!

Truthfully, I was rather happy that God came true for me. However, when I reached Church (at Expo) I gave a tithe of that $200 but kept the rest. (I should have given to the building fund but do hear me out.)

I kept the money because I do not want to take things for granted. In fact, I was a little afraid that my dad would ask me to return the money when I got home. (I got home at around 1130pm on 24th Dec.) So, it’s just for “safety” reasons.

Oh yes, I also want to share about this! While everyone was out on the streets, celebrating Christmas and doing countdowns, I was at home, fellowshipping with God. It’s the best time given to God.

You see, I was suppose to go for functions and could have even joined R, R, JJ and etc out doing what we did last year but I felt that I ought to stay home to seek the Lord. What is precious to me, is also precious to God. I’m sure that He knows I truly love Him with all I have!

This year’s Christmas drama was pretty great! Aside from the normal Christmas Drama we’ve had for the past couple of years, this year’s theme and story for Christmas was great! I’ve enjoyed myself during this season and am touched by the entire drama! If you want to watch it, you too, can watch Christmas Land 2005 here! Just click Christmas Land 2005 and it’ll show up in your windows Media player.

Last but not least, what did I really want for Christmas? Well, simple, yet hard to get… I want Jesus to increase in my life for Christmas!

Tithing

2005-12-23T23:52:00.000+08:00

Actually, tithing is the thing which I have been doing faithfully. Regardless of what the situation of my life is (be it be in debts/ needed the cash) or whatever, I will pay my tithes to God FIRST!

*Exclaims someone*
WHAT?!?! We MUST tithe? I thought that we are under a New Covenant? Didn't Jesus paid it all for us? DID JESUS SAY we MUST pay our tithe to God? Atrocious! How can this be?

*Me explaining...*
Allow me go go BACK to the Old Testament...

As we all know in the Old Testament, everyone tithes to Abraham, who in turn, brought tithes to Melchizedek, Prince of Salem.

Genesis 14: 18- 20 (NKJV)
18 Then Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine; he was the priest of God Most High. 19 And he blessed him and said: "Blessed be Abram of God Most High, Possessor of heaven and earth; 20 And blessed be God Most High, Who has delivered your enemies into your hand." And he gave him a tithe of all.

Leviticus 27: 30 (New Living translation)
"A tenth of the produce of the land, whether grain or fruit, belongs to the LORD and must be set apart to him as holy.

You may say, "Hey! It's all in the Old Testament. We are now in the New Covenant. What I want to know is, did Jesus mention anything about tithing in the New Testament? Show me! I need PROOF!"

Well...Sad to disappoint you...
Let me show to you what did Jesus say regarding tithing...

In Matthew 23: 23 (New Living Translation)
"How terrible it will be for you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest part of your income, but you ignore the important things of the law – justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but you should not leave undone the more important things.

These, in red, are the VERY WORDS of Jesus.

Noticed something? Yes, the Pharisees were COMMENDED by Jesus for tithing. Are you better or worse than a Pharisee? This was the ONE & ONLY thing Jesus APPROVED of them! So, what have we concluded from start till now?

1. Tithing means a tenth OR 10% of your gross income.

So, why 10% or a tenth you may ask. Why not $1 or $50? Why must be 10%?

Simple reason being that not everyone is able to afford $50 and to millionaires, $50 is NOTHING to them at all. God is a fair God, Amen? Which is why, He instituted this 10% to whomever is a believer!
You may argue and say "but I EARNED the money with MY HARD WORK! It's just so NOT FAIR! Since when did God give me the money? In what ways have He contributed to those wages I earned?"

Actually, it's a VALID ground and a GOOD question you've brought up here.

Yes, I agree that we EARN every single cent from our hard work. However who is the One who give you these money? By your own strength, are you able to attain what you have today? Surely there is a possibility that you can but it is God who gives us the power to get wealth, Amen? Which means to say that everything that we have, it all belongs to God.

However, why must God require us to tithe?
This is because God wants us to remember that everything we have, belongs to Him. We brought nothing to earth and surely will not bring anything away from earth too.

Deuteronomy 14: 23 (English Standard Version)
And before the Lord your God, in the place that he will choose, to make his name dwell there, you shall eat the tithe of your grain, of your wine, and of your oil, and the firstborn of your herd and flock, that you may learn to fear the Lord your God always

Friends, if God does not have the FIRST PRIORITY in your finances, He is NEVER first in your life at all. The bible says that where your treasure is, there your heart is also. Therefore, where is your heart? What is inside your heart? If your heart is with the world, then it'll be with the world. However, if your heart is in the Kingdom of God, I would encourage you to tithe because God have given a great challenge and promise to everyone who tithes!

Malachi 3: 10- 12
10 Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this," Says the Lord of hosts, "If I will not open for you the windows of heaven And pour out for you such blessing That there will not be room enough to receive it. 11 "And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, So that he will not destroy the fruit of your ground, Nor shall the vine fail to bear fruit for you in the field," Says the Lord of hosts; 12 "And all nations will call you blessed, For you will be a delightful land," Says the Lord of hosts.

See that?!?! You don't have to be a rocket scientist for me to tell you what is that challenge. Yes! God challenges each and everyone of you to tithe! I did not, He did. He said that He WILL OPEN up the windows of heaven over our lives when we tithe to Him. What did God say earlier on in the passage of Malachi 3?

Malachi 3: 8- 9
8 "Will a man rob God? Yet you have robbed Me! But you say, 'In what way have we robbed You?' In tithes and offerings. 9 You are cursed with a curse, For you have robbed Me, Even this whole nation.

Therefore my fellow Saints in Christ Jesus,
Do not harden your heart and say that tithing is not a must. Tithing is not for now. God is not a man that He should lie. Whatever He says, will it return to Him void? If you have read the bible at least once, from cover to cover, you'll find that whatever He says, it shall certainly COME TO PASS! Do you want to rob God? Certainly not!

Therefore, what have I been saying all these while?
In conclusion, what have we learnt about tithing?:
1. Tithing means a tenth OR 10% of your gross income.
2. Tithing OPENS UP THE WINDOW OF HEAVEN over my life.
3. Tithing is for NOW!

I'm sure everyone wants to be blessed by God, amen? However, God wants to see how faithful we are. Are we bringing Him what He asked? If we are not faithful with the little things which He ask of us, how can He trust us with TRUE RICHES?

Remember what He said when He was asked about taxes? Jesus said render to Caesar what is Caesar’s and render to God what belongs to God!

Therefore, bring in your tithes and offering to God with a cheerful heart today! He loves a cheerful giver!
So, what do I do now?

a. If you're getting allowances, you should also tithe your allowance to God. If you're taking a daily allowance, make an account and be a faithful steward of God. Always put aside 10% of your allowance and pay your tithe to God at the end of the week.

b. If you're taking your allowances on a weekly basis, pay your tithes by the end of the week.
c. If you're taking monthly wages/ paid/ allowances, pay it by the beginning of the new month.

Finally, your offering and tithe are NOT the same! Offering is something FREE WILL while tithe is a MUST! It's 10% of your TOTAL gross income/ pocket money. When you begin to pay your tithes, I'm sure God is going to bless you greatly!

God will NEVER short-change you! Amen?

Prayer request to fellow Christians...

2005-12-22T00:58:00.000+08:00

Of late, I’m not sure what is really going on with my life. Everything around me seems so bizarre. Remember my friend, Sharon? Yes! The lady whom I enjoyed her company and loved to talk to her. I’m rather upset and distressed as she’s not been feeling well for the past one week plus.

Nowadays, I don’t get to talk much to her on the phone as her elder brother cancelled her home line. Worse of all, she lost her Nokia phone in a toilet. As a result of it, she’s not able to use her ear-piece to talk to me whenever I called her.

The radiation of the signal made her unwell and thus, now, we’re not able to talk on the phone as before. Nevertheless, we have been sending phone text to each other more than before. (Even though I do not like to send text message as it’s rather expensive but because of her, it’s ok.)

Last week, when she met with Pastor Ronald, she fainted. She tried to contact me but I was in the restroom, bathing. Thus did not get to hear the phone. When I knew she fainted, I was so worried about her.

When she went to the doctor, he said that she needed rest and would be fine after a good rest. Thus, we began to speak to each other lesser because of her health’s sake.

On Sunday, she was not feeling well but insisted that she wants to attend Church service. Her manager went to fetch her and went to Church with her. Unfortunately, before the service started, she felt very sick and thus, one of her cell group members sent her back.

Today, her cell member brought her to the doctor once again and this time, he did not say that it’s due to fatigue. He took some blood from her and suspected that she might get Typhoid. This sounds rather bad and serious!

She asked if I understood what she is going through. Fact is, although I do not know but I do understand that she’s feeling very depressed and very sad. I know it’s tormenting too. She wants to take care of her mum and have big dreams and vision but now… It’s like the end of the world to her.

I’m at a lost and feeling depressed too. I find that I am indirectly, the cause of her current condition. If it wasn’t the late night chats… These might not have happened. Both of us enjoyed each other’s company and loved to chat with one another. (I did not fabricate this. She told me that herself.)

She’s really worried that she’ll never be the same. She feels that her reflexes, food intake and concentration level is going low. She’s concerned about her health and the things that she wants to do.

She: “I do not want to be like this! I want to recover… Else, who else is going to take care of me?”

Me: I will!

She: silent…

Me: Are you ok? How are you feeling?

She: Sorry, I am feeling very depressed and low at the moment. Please bear with me…

Me: I understand. Trust God that He will heal you!

She: I have been praying but why is He not doing anything?

She: My threshold for pain or sickness is very low. I get very emotionally needy and vulnerable when I am in a bad state. Bear with me, k?

Me: No problem! I’ll be there for you whenever you need me.

Then later on at about 4am in the morning she texted me:

She: Help! I can’t sleep… Are you asleeped?

Me: Nope. I am still awake. Are you ok?

She: No. Feeling very uncomfortable and have been trying to rest but can’t. I have been trying to sleep for the past 2 hours.

Me: … I’ll be praying for you… (I can’t do anything much but to pray for her. That’s the best way I know how. I can only trust God that she’ll be comforted and have a good rest)

She: I feel very terrible… My body is not able to take it anymore. Help… You said you’ll take care of me… Help me rest…

Really, I can’t do nothing much except to ask that she imagine that I’m playing some songs for her on the guitar OR trying to coax her to rest by giving her pats on the back. Sometime later, she fell asleep…

That was the conversation we had few days back. Today, I found out that she enjoyed my company and enjoyed my company so much so that we ended up spending a lot of time with each other through the phone. Sometimes, even when she feels sleepy…

Am rather worried about her and have been seeking help from people I know. She’s a very good friend of mine! If you’re reading my blog, please I beseech you, please keep her in prayer. I believe that the place of agreement is a place of power. Please pray for her. I do not want to lose a friend like her. Someone whom I enjoy company and talking with, is really difficult for me to find.

Waiting on the Lord...

2005-12-18T14:54:00.000+08:00

I am really encouraged and uplifted by the message of this year’s Bible School best preacher. The message he preached is really uplifting and encouraging.

First and foremost, I have graduated from Bible School since the year of 2003 and, through God’ grace, went on to the second year in 2004. Once again, though my walk back then was neither that stable nor strong, God helped me through and I graduated from Bible School last year and it’s been exactly a year since I graduated from Bible School.

Since then, I have been looking forward longingly and eagerly to be use mightily by God. I wanted to CONQUER the WORLD for Jesus Christ! I had dreams and visions of wanting to do MIGHTY exploit for the Kingdom of God!

However, since a year ago till now, I met with different challenges in life and had fallen many a times. In the midst of these tough and difficult times, I still experienced God. Even though, there were times when I wanted to give up my walk with God, wanted to escape from things around me, greatly disappointed in things happening in my life and the worse of all is that within a span of six month, I changed a total of 4 jobs! Am going on to find another job fast!

I worked less than a month at my grandfather’s factory, one month with SNP, three months with Philips Electronics and two months or less, with APCCO. Can anyone get more discouraged? This aside, I was facing the challenge of my walk with God, my “status” in cell group and personal struggles. Struggles with low self-esteem, fear of rejection, self-control, anger, security and even faced challenges with my family members… Oh yes, not forgetting my finances and the pressures applied to almost every section of my life. Can anyone get more depressed when they faced these pressures?

Problems hitting hard on me in my personal walk, home, cell group, ministry, career and finances… What can go more wrong?

However, thanks and PRAISE be unto God. That He is faithful and never a man that He should lie! Through the entire year, I have grown to be more mature than before. I learnt to rely on God and be hungrier for Him. I learnt to lean upon His strength and depended on Him more than ever.

As a result of these trials, testing, tough and difficult times, I managed to overcome a problem which I have faced for the past 14 years. A type of bondage which tied me down and one which I longed and desired to forsake! Glory be unto God!

Besides overcoming the bondage and breaking free from it, I am now more confident of my self when speaking to people. I realized that I am able to encourage people greatly and motivate them effectively! I also realized that I am closer to my parents and siblings compared to my “old” self.

I realized that I had that courage to speak out what I feel and really want in life. I also realized that communication is the way of life! I also realized that I need to be secure of who I am and what skills I possess, not get so easily jealous of what others have. I also begin to realize that whatever I have, it all belongs to God and God alone. I have nothing in the world but was given the task to manage my life well, so that I can account to Him.

I also realized that waiting to be used by God is an attitude. My attitude was very lousy and I need to change that! I realized that when I walk a life of purity, God will really speak and reveal things to me.

Yes, life is tough and difficult but in all these things I find something greater and valuable than silver or gold. That is the experience with God!

The Bible School student was preaching on a simple passage on David facing Goliath. Before David went on to war, he did not take on Saul’s armor or sword. What David took was only a catapult and took five pebbles from the stream of water. What matters most is what I am good at, not what kind of weapons to face an enemy or difficulty.

Training/ Polishing:
The pebbles which David took, was in the stream of running water for years before they were smooth enough for him to use. Just as the pebbles David took, God wants us to be polished in our character, attitude and experience before He could use us effectively. We can be trained to reign with Christ!

Patience:
Noticed something? When David picked up the pebbles, he did not use the pebbles immediately. What he did was to place them into his pouch. Just as the pebbles were placed into the pouch, God will not use us immediately when we are trained and polished.

Draw close to God:
The pouch is the next closest thing that David had on his body. Just as the pebbles were kept in the pouch, we are to stay close to God and be in His Presence all the time. It’s not only be in the Presence of God when it’s Sunday or service time. It’s all the time!

Fellowship:
Inside this pouch of David, there was not only one pebble. There were a total of five pebbles. This speaks of fellowship! There is a need to fellowship with one another, yes, even with cell group members! If there are people who are fellow Bible School students of the same batch, we ought to stay in touch with each other and keep a watch for one another!

God’s timing:
How many pebbles did David use to kill Goliath? Bible says that David used a pebble to kill Goliath. How about the remaining four pebbles? First and foremost, when David used the first pebble, he did not expect to fail or miss the target. Just as God launches a person; either a young man or a woman, He will guide their ways in the journey. It’s not about the destination! The destination is fixed and planned by God! Secondly, the rest of the remaining four pebbles are used for other purposes. Though it may not be used for killing giants, it certainly is used for God’s divine purpose!

Therefore, even though as I look at others and compared them to myself, I find myself a huge failure. I mean, you saw what was written earlier on how my life went for this entire year. It’s really a disaster! However I know that this Word, is given by God! Yes, I may not be a giant slayer pebble but I am definitely in God’s divine plan! Others may go before me but God have a future and hope for me, a plan which will be for the good and not for evil. He is not a man that He should lie for ALL THING WORKS TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD to those who loves Him!

Therefore, if you’re feeling like the whole world’s crumbling on you, I’d encourage you to seek God. The time when you feel least like worshipping or praising God is the time when your prayers are most precious to Him.

Joshua 1: 9
Therefore, be strong and be of very good courage!

Depression? Confusion? Frustrated? Yeah...

2005-12-04T20:30:00.000+08:00

No doubt about it. There is always a price to pay for everything. I’m not being negative about it but I am really speaking sense. Maybe, it’s only on my part. Yes, maybe I am being negative about it.

I shall not relate any of these with the friends which I have. In a sense that I’ll never reveal their names or will I say when I got to know them. Maybe this is just my perspective on friends.

There is a price in every form of friendship. Some of these friendships are really cheap while others, a heavy. Some “price” of these friendships is paid fast while some takes time to really see the results. This speaks of long term investments.

Communication is the basis of every relationship. Without communications, there is no such thing as friends or relationship. This is true in every aspect of life.

Why am I writing on these? Well, simple fact is this. I really do not feel that I have friends. My perspectives of friends are those who will be there for me and those who will care for me. Those friends whom I consider as friends are often treated as my brothers or sisters. However, those who are not my friends, are often, not contacted by me. Those who are not often contacted are known as “floats”, to me.

Alright, I guess I am going to confuse a lot of people and even stumble many people around me. This is because I seldom call out to people at all.

I also realized something about the people whom I treat as friends. They often betray me or that they will never stay for long. What is really wrong? Is there anything wrong with me or that I am not even a friend to be considered as one?

Why do people call me a friend/ brother when I did not even talk to them for much? When I do open myself to them, I get attacked by them? Are feelings meant to be said out or are feelings meant to be kept within heart? What if my heart is like a bottle of champagne? What if pressure builds within my heart and one fine day, I explode and get into a mental stage?

I guess I worry too much... Who are my friends? Who are those who really care about me? Where are they? (Besides my parents) Why do I feel so lost and feel so grieved? Where are the people whom I once talked to and go out with? Am I destined to be along all my life? Am I to be alone all my life? What’s wrong with me? Why do they… shall not ask anymore! I know that no one will answer me at all…

Somebody... Somehow...

2005-12-02T01:18:00.000+08:00

It’s simply amazing for the past couple of days! Things simply are happening for me nowadays!

After knowing this friend, Miss Koh, I find that my life’s never been the same! It seems that I’d enjoy sharing and teaching her about what I have learnt rather than sharing with my very own cell members. Maybe I find that I have clips on my “wings”. I do not like to be restricted to doing things, especially to do the things I enjoy! For this instance, teaching the bible!

Anyway, it’s really interesting to be in my current job as I get to meet many people nowadays and that talking to them is not much of a barrier! I just simply hope that someday, I’d be able to preach like how Pastor Kong’s been doing.

The good thing about my job is that there are many people without Christ and there are Christians who are not leading a life of Christian. They cursed and swear; drink and smoke or even do funny things, which a Christian would not do. However, who am I? I have been preaching to a number of people in the team. I do look forward to be able to reach out to them.

It’s really funny and interesting though to be doing what I am doing. People come to me and ask me for my phone number! I mean… I’ve met with this young lady, who happens to be working at the same place as I am supposed to be at, came and asked me for phone number. She’s really young. Nevertheless, it’s her soul that matters. I felt that she needs the gospel but she rejected coming to Church with me this weekend.

I do look forward that she’d come to Church, get to know God and experience the very tangible Presence of God.

Walking with God is indeed a wonderful experience! Let me share something with you… I am beginning to like walking with God. It’s the best experience I’ve ever had in my life! It’s just simply so wonderful.

Can you imagine God telling you things? Like when you’ve done something wrongly, someone tells you and He reveals a deeper truth about your actions? He causes you to recall about the instances you’ve gone through in life. God is interesting, isn’t He?

Now I understand and know what Pastor was saying when he preached about waiting upon God; drawing near to God and etc… It’s really been a pleasure sharing with Miss Koh and talking to her about God. She’s simply a wonderful person, whom I call, a friend!

Sharon Koh, one day, you’ll get to read this blog, I’m sure of it. Nevertheless, I’d like you to know that I’m really thankful to God for a friend like you. No matter what happens in the future, I’d really want you to know that I treasure this relationship with you very much!

Anything Praise worthy?

2005-11-29T09:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the day when I celebrated my birthday. Initially, I was very excited and full of expectation as you have read in my earlier entries. However something happened when I was filled with the most joy.

I’m really sad and really lost when I realized that I’ve lost Simon’s I-River. I have placed it in my pocket and I did not know when nor did I know how it came out of my pocket. Worse of all, I am at a lost of where did it actually dropped off my pocket.

It cost a whopping $490 for that mp3 player and… sighs… When am I able to have that cash to get him another one?

When I met the rest of my colleagues for breakfast, I really felt bad and down. I did not have the mood to really celebrate my birthday at all. It was really a bad day for me.

After breakfast, we continued with our different destination for work. It was a real torture to me as I was not in any mood to work at all. I felt so burdened and so demoralized. I was in my worst attitude in my life. It’s really tormenting to be in that stupid mood.

I did not have any mood to go Church nor do anything. Just wanted to rest at home and do nothing. However, I was reminded by God about the prayer I made two days ago, after writing the new song. That regardless of what I undergo, I’d never leave God, forsake Him nor even make excuses not praising Him.

Although I did not know what is going on nor do I know what is to come but I must have faith in God for Who He is and how He can turn my “mourning” into dancing; sadness into joy!

Oh yes! On the 26th Nov, I celebrated my birthday with cell members and colleagues. As I was not really happy due to the loss of i-River, somehow, God planted someone into my life to cheer me up during my birthday.

This was the day when I met up with a Church sister, Sharon. It’s really a joy chatting and talking to her when I first met her. At first, there was no zeal within me to really cheer about. In fact, I did not want to attend the celebration Melvin held; but I am glad that I did. If not, I’d never be able to have met Sharon and had a nice evening for the rest of the day.

Another thing that I was glad about was the fact that my new colleague, Jia Ning, came to comfort me and reminded me not to ask why things happens but ask God how to solve the matters. Before she came with these words, I felt something like that. I am really comforted and am glad to find a Godly person who did not go the ways of my colleagues.

I’ve realized that most of them in my office are Christians but not many really walked the life Christ intended. However, who am I to judge them? If I judge them, I will be judged as well. I guess there ought to be a balance to this. I feel a need to go into their lives and make a difference… ONLY if God wants me to; If not, I’ll never do it.

Therefore, is there anything praise worthy? Yes! Not for the loss of i-River but for the fact that God is there and that He is faithful and loving! If not for Him, I'd had a real bad birthday celebration

Jesus, My Lord

2005-11-25T00:05:00.000+08:00

Finally, I found that inspiration to write songs again! Once again, it's not by my own might nor power but by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit! It's been sometime since I've last composed a song and I am really glad and am rejoicing over the tune!

Although it's not 100% done (as I'm still trying to make it better) but I simply love the song a lot. my I present to you my latest composition titled:

Jesus, My Lord

D Em7
My God, You’re Beautiful
G A
I will give You, all my life
D Em7
My Lord, You’re wonderful
G A
I will give up my life for You

D Em7
My God, You’re beautiful
G A
No words can describe Your World
D Em7
My God, You’re beautiful
G A
Beyond words of description

Em7 D/F#
Jesus Christ My Lord,
G A
I love You more each day
Em7 D/F#
Jesus Christ My Lord,
G A
It’s You I seek!

Chorus:
D
Jesus You are My Lord, My God,
Em7
My all, My Everything!
G
I stand in Awe of You
A
Sing of Your praises everyday!

Jesus My Lord, My all, My God
I will stand in awe of You
I will give my life,
A living Sacrifice

Jesus My Lord, My all, My God
I will stand in awe of You
Come and change my heart
And make me more like You.

Today, I am so glad and excited! It's not just because of the new song but that I know and I know that God is with me! I feel so close to Him once again. The very Presence of God... It's beyond words of mere description.

While Singing "I could sing of Your love forever" I felt the very warmth Presence of God coming upon me. The love is really awesome! A feeling which I have not felt for a long time! I am really in the Presence of God!

Also, it's been a long time since I am able to play the guitar and sing after I've got into this job. It's a real hard road but I kind of find treasures while I am in the midst of this "trying times". I worshipped God and sung unto Him and it's really amazing! When I prayed, it's like rivers of living water flowing through my mouth! Words came rushing out.... I prayed in tongues like never before! Also, not forgetting the peace of God! Amazing!!!

God is really GOOD!

Truly, after going through the lessons on the Tabernacle, my life's been changed and transformed for the better! I've not been bonded by my past sin and I believe that Jesus have set me free! I am NO LONGER A SLAVE of Satan but am God's Child! Christ lives in me NOW!

I really thank Pastor Kong for sharing the Word of God once again, regarding the Tabernacle. It's really awesome and it really opens up my eyes to see again!

Glory be unto God!!!

Thoughts, events that happened and requests...

2005-11-21T23:04:00.000+08:00

Yes, you’ve not seen wrongly. Indeed, things have been going on in my life. I’ve got a couple of good news to share over here, some thoughts and lastly, prayer requests today. I do earnestly seek for your prayers, especially if you’re a Christian. Other than that, I guess it’s alright.

Anyway, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today but I felt really happy especially today! I’m not sure why but there is a sense of EXPECTANCY in the air in my life. I’m really looking forward to it! I am looking forward to a breakthrough from this week on!

You see, I was not so excited a couple of weeks ago. I felt that there’s no point in celebrating my birthday and that I am going to turn 28 soon. Gosh! I’m feeling so young at heart but I am getting on with age. I mean… I’m sure you know what I mean. I feel like wanting to stay this way all these while but if I were to stay playful in heart, I’d never learn how to think in a mature way, compared to those who are around my age.

Anyway, it is written that God will turn our mourning into dancing. So… Nah! Please pardon me. I would like to crap today. Yes, my situation is not as bad as mourning as I’m still alive but I do honestly, felt that way then.

Last week Friday, I don’t know what happened to me but I experienced nose bleeding, twice in a day. I guess it’s due to the fact that I have been keeping late nights of late and that I overworked myself? Anyway, I was kind of shocked when I saw blood flowing out. Also, Eve was there when I bled.

Alright, shall not talk about what happened on Saturday and Sunday. However, I have good news!

I felt led to invite some of my colleagues to Church today and I went ahead with the invitation. Yi Xiang and Desmond did not mind coming. Yes, it’s not really 100% confirmed that they will come but at least, they did not say no. So, there is a high possibility that they would come for this weekend’s services. Do keep them in prayer that they will come for this weekend’s services.

Oh yes! I nearly forgot about this matter… After working for sometime in my company, I realized that most people in Singapore are deaf when they are on the streets. They really choose the things that they would like to hear.

Alright, I am actually doing road-shows on the streets these couple of weeks. It’s been a wonderful experience being in this job and I also realized something about me. I actually have that ability to stay on cheerful and happy whenever I have been rejected. (All thanks to God! Without Him, I would have given up on this job.)

What I realized is that, most Singaporeans choose what they would want to hear. I am currently helping out in non-profit organization and yes, it’s very challenging and tough. Many people would just walk past me and do not even bother to spare a minute or two to listen what is happening and what I am doing. They just cared for themselves!

How can someone reply me… I’m already a member, when I am not selling any membership cards? How can one have the thing when I am helping the Children? They claim that they BOUGHT the “product”. What’s more, when I tell them I’m helping the sick and needy, they say they do not need the help. Can you imagine these? These shows that THEY ARE NOT LISTENING! Selfish!

Hey, standing out on the streets, trying to talk non-stop is a tough job! I’ve even talked till my tongue got tied and literally mumbled! Sigh… Why can’t people just stop by and listen to what I am doing and have COMPASSION on those who NEEDS help?

I really do not understand! Simply astonishing! I’m flabbergasted! I really pray that God would forgive them for they did not know what they do.

Oh yes, remember I’ve written that I really need your prayers? See, I want to be able to earn a living, to be able to support myself and even give some money to my parents. I’ve been living off them for such a long time and it’s really only fair that I ought to give them some money. However, the sad thing is that I’m actually living from hand to mouth… Rather… I’m not having enough alone, how to give to them?

Here is my prayer request;
1. That I will be successful in my career
2. That I will be able to make at least $500 per week (Considering that I have to work 10 hours per day, 6 days a week, it’s not a lot at all. On top of it, I’ve got NO FIXED PAY etc…)
3. Pray for my health. Due to the long hours of standing and heavy load on my back, I’m experiencing back aches as well as aches on my knees and ankles. I do not want to get injured again. Pray for protection upon my life.
4. I’ll meet up with the correct persons when I am on the streets. I have the favor of God and men.
5. I’ll be clearer in the direction God wants me to be in.
6. I’ll stay focused in the things God have intended for me.

I thank you in advance for praying for me. I really owe my success to you who prayed for me and you did make a difference in my life. Thank God for your prayer. Without it, I’d never be able to make it. Last but not least, let God’s name be high and lifted up. That when I seek Him FIRST, the Kingdom of God, all these things will be ADDED unto me.

Variation of Thoughts

2005-11-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

I’ve received a mail from the army today and I’m not sure if I ought to be happy or not as I’ve been given a permanent downgrade due to the operation I’ve had earlier on this year. Perhaps, I ought to look at the brighter side of life. Many have been dying to have this type of downgrade but not for me. Honestly, I’m experiencing mixed feelings. This is because I’ve underwent through a rather tough training when I was in the army and now, I’ve been given this status. However, I’m glad because I’m not going to take any IPPT anymore. Maybe, this is also a good thing as I need not worry about injuring my ankle anymore.

Sometimes, I really do not know what’s wrong with me. I can be so happy at home and so glad with the company of my other Church friends but when I am with my cell group, I really feel very strange. I really do not know why but there is a sense of rejection whenever I meet up with them.

Yes, it’s true that some of them have been trying to open me up but I really cannot open myself up much. I felt that I cannot trust the entire cell much. Above all, I cannot trust much people or in fact, anyone in my own cell or own zone. Maybe, some time later, I’ll change my blog to a site that only those who are keen will be able to find out more about me and the developments.

Yesterday was the Pastor Course graduation ceremony. While looking at the graduates, I felt kind of wanting to get back to Bible School and even want to get back to where I was. Although it was a time when I was trained, tried and test but I liked it. It wasn’t easy to go through that time but I really wanted to get back there.

Now, when I hear of the announcer asking those who have not attended Bible School to attend Bible School to go for Bible School, I have two kinds of feelings. One, which I do really want to go back to Bible School, while the other, is this stinking attitude. Why get into Bible School when at the end of the day, I’m not doing anything? I felt that I have really gone all the way backwards. I’ve even mocked at the thought of myself getting into Bible School and ended up doing nothing.

The dreams of wanting to be a leader, of wanting to preach the gospel, wanting to lead people to Christ, is like getting smaller as time goes by. I’m still reasoning to myself on this… Why am I trained for? What am I trained for? Am I to rot and do nothing? If not, why am I trained for? I look at others from my batch they’re either leading, helper or are giving the cell group members Bible Study even when they are a helper in the cell. Nevertheless, maybe I’ve to look at myself. What am I really doing? What is the cause of these? What is my motive in getting into Bible School? I really am lost…

Pastor Ulf was preaching about “My Calling” this entire weekend. What is my calling? If I am not called to leadership, why are people thinking that I am a leader? Why did Pastor Joshua prophesy that I would be a leader? If what they said is true, I really need to reflect on myself deeply.

Alas, I’ve given up hope of thinking and analyzing. I’m really tired. I felt fed up. There are two things I can do now. First, is to give up and don’t think so much about it or to continue fighting and not give up.

I really need the direction and the passion to serve once again. I do not know why or what is happening but I’m sure God will make a way for me. If you’re willing, do keep me in prayers, especially if you’re a Christian. Otherwise, just hope for the best that God will lead me and guide me, showing me the way to go. Thanks for your prayers.

Lessons in life...

2005-11-12T02:29:00.000+08:00

It's truly an amazing thing to be alive! However, I realized that there are people who treasures lives but are on the verge of losing their lives to sicknesses and illnesses. On the other hand, there are those who did not treasure lives and are living healthy life. What ironic thing is this?

These are just some thoughts which just got into my mind. Although I do not know why am I thinking about these but it's true to a certain extend.

I was reminded of 6th Nov 2005, the day when I was supposed to go out with those kids from Club Rainbow, but I was too late to go and meet up with them. Anyway, was able to join my friends for dinner at Marina area...

While settling down, I realized that there was this lady seated at a table's distance away from me, catching my eyes. When I took a clearer look, I was rather surprised to have seen her. It's been about more than 12 years ago that I last met her. Alright, shall not play the "suspense" game. She's none other than my "first love"; my first girlfriend... (I guess, I shall not talk anymore about her since its such a long time ago)

I am glad that she's well and is having another boyfriend now. I also realized that I no longer hate like I did before I came to Christ. I am really thankful to God regarding this matter.

I know, I'm not writing anything in focus today. Do not worry, am alright. Just want to pen some thoughts today, that's all.

In the morning, I was surprised to be able to come up with something regarding LEADERSHIP. This was what I gather from the word LEADERSHIP:

L = Leading by example
E = Encourage
A = Attitude towards people around
D = Discipleship
E = Enpowerment
R = Responsible
S = Sensitive
H = Hardworking
I = Interaction
P = Progression

This is not the basic idea but am gonna develop it to be a better way to show others what leadership is really like. First of all, I got to do it and let it be in me before I preach it to others.

Also, I found the below article very interesting. Maybe it'll be of help to you, who is reading or to a friend of yours who's feeling discouraged.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a whileand you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It MAY be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.I
've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon.
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can beloved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learnt that people don't care how much you know until you care.

Interesting, right? :)

What a day!!! What a...

2005-11-11T00:37:00.000+08:00

Honor...
Who am I, but a mere man, that I should get this favor from You?
All the days, I WILL...

REJOICE IN THE LORD! AGAIN, I SAY REJOICE!

Well, just as the title suggests, I am just writing down some thoughts and updates on my life after a period of time, not being able to really write down my thoughts and my life.

I have been busy with the job which I am currently in. It’s an exciting job and, very honestly, I do feel that I am more and more like Abraham, comparing to the works God is doing in my life.

I am in awe and glad of what God is doing in my life. My reasoning is not unfound. However, as I begin to list the very weakness I am to reveal here, are things I feel I am weak in and you’ll begin to see the work God is doing in my life. Here I go:

1. Faults I find in myself:
I am:
a. NEVER a good communicator;
b. NEVER thought that I would be facing so many people in a day, speaking to total strangers;
c. NEVER thought of writing a book;
d. ALWAYS feel awkward whenever I face a total stranger and feel very uncomfortable;
e. ALWAYS keep to myself and wants others to come talk to me;

Things I find that I am doing now:
i. In a company which is dealing in communications. Helping me to improve in this area.
ii. Am facing a lot of people when I used to have stage-frights and even speaking to others whom I know, especially, in a group
iii. Am thinking of writing a book that talks about trees and humans;
iv. Am facing a lot of people a day, talking to them like never before;
v. Instead of standing by, waiting for others to come and talk to me, I am now approaching people of all walks and life, young and old, to talk to them.

Interesting right? Oh well, things change when one is in Christ. Especially when one wants to bend his will to do God’s will!

That aside, what I really am glad about today is not only regarding the things that I have been encountering or the things which is happening in my life but more than that, I’ve met a man of God while working today!

No one would ever think of meeting him on the streets, yes, even in his wildest imaginations. I did think of it and did fancy meeting him on the streets but never in my wildest dream did I dream of meeting him in such a way and being able to shake hands with him. Do you want to guess whom have I met?

... Come, make a guess...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... Try guesing...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... Don't PEEP!... Keep trying...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Alright... Enough of the suspense...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... Are you sure you really want to know?...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... Actually...
I’ve met Rev Ulf! You’ve not heard me wrong. I really met him up front and personal!
(That’s besides meeting him in Church!) I’ve met him in Orchard Wheel-lock place at about 5pm! It’s so cool! Pastor Yong was with him! I am so excited and this event alone made my day! I was so excited that I even called up my leader to inform her about this encounter.

Maybe to many, you’ll find that it’s not much of a great deal BUT to me, it is! I’ve dreamt about it, thought about it and have seen it coming to pass! I’m in awe!

All these, I believed, did not come by chance. This is because, I realized that whatever I said in the last couple of days, did come to pass! For example, my breakthrough in my work place; I was able to make a breakthrough in my earnings! Even though it was not much to others, it is, to me. I am really grateful for it!

On Tuesday morning 8th Nov, we were having our meetings, rejoicing the results we had for Monday. I was standing in front of the whiteboard and June was writing who’s getting the “bells” and “gongs”. Just where I was, June wrote the word “Gongs”. In a cheeky manner and with a belief that God will see me getting it, I said that on Wednesday, I would be striking the “Gong”. God never failed me. The place where I was placed at, I was the head and not the tail. Even though I was not the highest earner for that day, I was glad because I was able to break through the hundred dollars point, above and beyond what I could think or imagine of! Glory to God!

Also, yesterday, I told Kelvin Wee that I would be receiving a cheque from a customer today. It did also, come to pass! It’s really an adventure to me.

Ultimately, all these, will never be possible if God never came into my life. I really thank God for all that He is doing in my life and that ALL GLORY and HONOR BELONGS TO HIM, FOREVER! I thank God for working in my life!

My thoughts for the day...

2005-10-30T03:57:00.000+08:00

What happened in Church today was a real shocker. I mean it’s not those unpleasant shocks but something which one would never hear of or anticipated. Also, what happened do open up my eyes to see what kind of person I am respecting in Church.

In a nutshell, whatever Pastor informed the Church about, he has certainly raised up the standards and my respect of him. I salute him COMPLETELY!

After service, I did not really join my cell group for dinner or other fellowship stuffs. One thing that I felt about the cell is that I feel like I’m distancing myself from the cell group. I’m glad that people like Rickson rose up in cell. I was worried for a moment about the cell for good reasons but now, I see that God has made it all well.

In any case, I’m really glad as HaoJun is back to join us for service. After a period of time, he’s finally back. I do pray with all my heart that the sermon which Rev Robb Thomson preached did make an impact upon his life. Same goes for Makus, Alvin and various others who are either new in Church or are irregulars.

One thing for sure, that the entire event did impact me!

I do not know what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m so unstable. One moment, I’m like feeling so close to God and the next, I feel that I’m no longer filled with the joy of the Lord.

I remembered once so ever clearly that Alan (who was my Bible School classmate but is now a leader) once told me that he could sense the joy of the Lord in me. Even the people in my previous workplace in cartel told me that they would feel happy when they see me or are with me. However, right now, I doubt I have that presence at all. I’ve lost it all.

I seriously need to “revamp” my life. I need a change. I need someone to come and help me and guide me badly. I do not want to fall back to my previous lifestyle. I WANT to advance on with God.

Even during the pre-service prayer meeting, when Pastor told the congregation to pray with one another, I did not have that concentration/ anointing or flow. I prayed like I’m new to prayer. Something is seriously wrong somewhere. Something is amiss! I need the Presence of God once again in my life.

I remember so ever clearly during my bible school days that I experienced God so much. He was so real and so faithful to me. I know He never changes. Whatever I am reflecting on this blog, is what He wants me to say to myself. He wants me to remind myself what I’ve said during Bible school days as well as what He’s seen me through…

I need that passion, that fire, that FIRST LOVE for God once again. I desperately need the Presence of God in my life once again. How I want to write songs to sing of His love, His wonderfulness, His Faithfulness etc… I want Him like never before…

After service, I went on to meet Philip, Jane, Leon, YuPing and Jessy at Chinatown for Salsa. Yes, I DO LIKE Salsa but it seems so difficult to me. Anyway, when I was there, I kept thinking about God. How am I to get back the Presence of God, where did I fall and what was preached by Rev Robb.

I did not really enjoy myself but kept thinking about God… God, how am I to get back that relationship which I’ve spoilt? How am I to draw near to You? I mean, I drew myself away and did not come back. Yes, I did say that I’ll praise You regardless of the situations I am in… Is this a test for me? Is this blog a prophecy of myself, for this year; a time of testing and molding?

Oh Lord God, I come before You in Jesus’ name, just as I am a sinner and a backslider. I know I have sinned against You and have hurt You.

Lord I ask that You forgive me of my sins, iniquities and transgressions. I have been foolish and have not been spending time with You. Today, I ask that You come into my life once again.

Lord God, I give my commitment to You again, on this altar I stand. Lord, come into my life once again. Fill me with Your Joy, Hope and Your Precious Love once again.

Holy Spirit, I have done things which grieved You and have done You injustice! Forgive me of my foolishness. Come and fill me once again. Teach me the ways of God and draw me closer to God everyday.

One thing I ask, is that Your Presence will never leave me nor forsake me.

So Father Lord God, come fill me once again with Your Holy Spirit. Take me deeper in love with You. Let me be on fire for You once AGAIN. I want to love You MORE each day.

I thank You, for I know, You’ve heard the desire and prayers of Your Child. Lord Jesus, I thank You! I know You’ve interceded on behalf of me to Father God even before I asked.

I thank You and I love You. Praise be Your Holy Name. Blessed are Your people. In Jesus’ precious name I pray, Amen!

Breakthrough!

2005-10-20T21:45:00.000+08:00

Wow! I’m so excited! I’ve finally got my breakthrough!!!

It’s like this. I’ve been working in a Professional fundraiser since I’ve left Philips Electronics. It was about on the 10th that I started work in this line. Seriously, it’s not an easy job to go around asking people for donations.

In the midst of these, I find it a joy! I’ve not let money be the source of my strength but God. Although, I’m not really feeling well as I’m down with slight cough, I am still glad!

Oh yes, before I proceed on further with the events that happened today, I’ve something interesting yet puzzling but really ironic, that happened to me on Tuesday night…

Instead of going out with Alexus (she cancelled the movie outing with me), I went out with Jasmine to watch “Deuce Bigalow” at Bishan. When we bought our ticket, something happened. Something which… Many who hears this… will surely faint OR get stumbled by the entire incident…

The ticket salesgirl actually asked the both of us to show our identifications!!! It’s a M18 show and for goodness sake, of all people, me? Gosh!!! *faint*

That is really the ultimate! It’s really hilarious to both Jasmine and me. We are all more than 18 but yet… Come on man… Do I really look that young? Do I? I know I do not look like 27+ OR turning 28 but, below 20? It is impossible, right? Come on… Don’t get me hurt… Please!

Anyway, back to what happened today…

God is really faithful. Although I did not get much of donations compared to the rest of the people in the group, I was glad that God did provide for me and helped me when I needed His help the most.

When I reached office earlier in the morning, Chris told me that if I do not get anyone donating, I’d need to stop with what I am doing and leave the company. Carolyn and Jane did not give up on me. Although the Chris Tan and Jeremy gave up on me, both Carolyn and Jane did not.

The best thing which I found out about both Chris Tan and Jeremy is this. Both of them are the ones who just talk the talk. They talk about wanting to help me but they just company me till the time is up. However, what the girls did really impressed me, especially Jane. Whenever I get someone to stop by to listen to me talk, she would come and assist me. She’s unlike Jeremy, who will come by, talk to the donor and then take that donor as if he stopped the person. Jane and Carolyn did open up my eyes. I really thank God that I did not listen much to both Chris Tan and Jeremy. If not, I’d have not have seen both sides of the coins.
Both Jeremy and Chris Tan did talk about helping me out etc but it was the girls who did the help most of the time. However, the most help given to me was none other than God, Himself. He is really awesome! I’m glad that I was also able to preach to both Jane and Carolyn. I do hope and look forward that they will be influenced by me.

Also, I have another thing to “report” here. The “cold-war” which I had with my dad is over! Yay! I’m so glad that its all over. Just as I expected it to be, my mum came and talk to me about how my dad felt and it was my dad who tried to talk to me. I’m happy not because I won but because I know that my dad loves me very much.

God is really GOOD. I’m saying these not because I have had the breakthroughs but because He is indeed GOOD. REGARDLESS of the things He’s done in my life, I’ll still praise His Holy Name for He is a GOOD GOD!

Being a childish fool I was…

2005-10-16T22:39:00.000+08:00

You’ve not read wrongly. Yes, I am calling myself one for one very good reason: For the fact that I am really blind and really foolish to be thinking about other things while things are being laid down clearly for me.

Yes, I had deleted one page of my blog for a very good reason. I was real blind, childish and I’ve spoiled the reputation of my leader/ leaders. I really felt it was really appropriate that I ought to apologize to Sister Gillian and those whom I had mention in my blog. I was a fool that I did not see the light of it.

The unhappiness inside of me had taken hold of me and thus, I reacted to the unhappiness, forgetting the fact that I was entrusted with a lot of things in the cell. I was really blind, not to see that I was being handed things which I was not trained.

Out of the “out-break” I realized something about me:
- That I am still childish;
- I was being very egoist; that I thought that I knew it all but, in fact, knew nothing much;
- I found out that I am still weak in certain areas. Perhaps, that’s the answer from God when I asked Him what to change within me a couple of week back, to be a better man;
- That I still have that hot temper within me.
- That I have been rather proud and too arrogant

I really beseech forgiveness from the parties involved and I do really want to be changed for the better.

Apologies to:
Church members, Pastor Aries and Sister Gillian,

I, hereby, apologize to you for writing nasty stuffs about you before finding out the truths. I was not being careful and responsible for writing and posting those nasty stuffs about the things I wrote a couple of days back. I ask for you forgiveness.

God... Is WONDERFUL!!!

2005-10-09T02:13:00.000+08:00

I’ve gotten to know this Sister from Friendster a couple of days ago. She is from Church and it’s been a pleasure to be able to know her.

After meeting her for the first time, she gave me an impression that she’s very generous and very nice! I can’t believe it! She really blew my mind off! She bought 15 books for her cell group members as she felt God asked her to do so! Obediently, she bought the books (I helped her in the choosing of books). What happened after she bought the books was really amazing! It also shows to me that God is real and that He rewards! It’s His desire to see His people live in prosperity!

After watching a show with her, we chatted on MSN. She emailed her testimony of what had happened in her life and I tell you, she is one strong woman! I’ve never seen anyone who is able to handle the situations she did. I’ve heard of people who trust God but have not seen someone, at such closeness.

She left God sometime back and has not been attending Church for years. During these years without God, she has been losing businesses, money etc... In the end, she’s left with $1.34 in her bank account. For some reason, she began to remember God.

Felt led, she turned on her internet and began to surf the City Harvest’s website and clicked on the “live” service which was going on then. While the Pastor was challenging, she felt a voice telling her to check her account. (It has been sometime that she’s not had proper meals and has been surviving plainly upon bread. Knowing of how much she had, she initially did not want to go check but felt that she’ll do it anyway). She discovered that there was an additional $20 in her bank and began to ponder what to do with the $21.34 in her bank.

Upon hearing the message the Pastor was sharing, she felt challenged and sowed the $20 in tears, though she had the choice to choose what to do with the $21.34. She sow the entire $20 to the Church and was stunned as she began to come to mind that she’s not been having proper meals for the past couple of weeks.

However, something happened! After she sowed the $20, on the third day, her friend called her up and informed her that someone wanted to get some work done and referred the job to her. The offer was amazing! It was a $4000 job offer for a website design. God came true to her!

Before she could start with the project, another project came in. This time, another $4000 job offer! Before she could even end the first job offer, a third job offer came in. All these happened three days after she gave her all to God.

Right now, she’s living a life of abundance and trusts God fully. I’m so glad for her and so amazed of how God came true for her. Deep within my heart, I was thinking “God, when is my turn? I need a breakthrough too. I am also in debts too and need You to come through in my life too as I want to fulfill the building fund as well”

That happened about two months ago! Glory to God!

Something happened after she bought books for her cell group members. The shares which she bought went up! The share has been stagnant for sometime and has not been doing well too. However, after she bought the books for her members, she made a need profit of S$5000! How neat is that???

God is indeed a good God. He never short changes those who love Him.

I am really glad to know a friend like her and am glad that God came true for her. I’m sure my breakthrough is on the way to me!

God is Judged!

2005-10-07T00:49:00.000+08:00

I really thank God! He is righteous and just!

I was rather annoyed with what Mr Hon told me the other day. He refused to pay me any OT pay etc… He told me to talk to Jennifer, the Human Resource Personal about wanting me to pay the company back as I went on leave without being approved.

Ok, I was in the wrong to leave without getting it all approved but I thought they’d call me up? How was I to know? I really have lots of wrong information fed to me. Feel so annoyed and so frustrated. Instead of venting my anger, I turned to God and seek His advice.

Yesterday, I told Jennifer about the entire case and some stuffs about the over time pay and what was it for. After lifting to God, He turned my situations around! Jennifer called up to inform me that they would be paying me OT pay and that instead of paying the company about $300 odd, I only need to pay back $83! I am pondering if I should fight the case as they were not willing to let me claim the previous month (August) OT pay. If I were to be able to claim it, they would need to pay me additional cash! However, I’d leave it unto God.

End of another chapter… BUT

2005-10-05T01:36:00.000+08:00

I really did not want to write much about this as I am not proud of this matter at all. Nonetheless, I am sad to announce that I have ended my time with Philips just last week.

I am sad because I seem to be unable to hold on to any jobs at all. I feel so discouraged and so lousy. It seems that I am not even capable of doing things properly. However, after talking to some of the colleagues, I was encouraged as they said that they enjoyed working with me while I was there. Thank God for them.

I have this to confess… Yes, I did once felt that I did not find any form of breakthroughs over there and I felt that there’s no future in that place. I felt sad that I left, mainly is because I was kind of comfortable over there as I was able to surf the net, go on MSN, play games and even update my blog from time to time.

Maybe, this is a good change for me. That, I’m not sure but I trust that God knows what’s best for me!

Before I left the job, I went for a couple of interviews. In fact, I went for two interviews. One was with an agency (I went with Jane on the 29th Sept) while the other, was with a company named Vision X (Interview was on 28th Sept).

Minutes before Jane called up to talk to me on the 30th of Sept, I received a call from Chris. He informed that I’ve been selected for the job and asked when I could start work. I told him that I am only free on Thursday 6th Oct and he was ok with it.

Moments after he hung up, Jane called up to inform me that she’d be going off to Thailand with Leon, her boyfriend. When I told her of the news, she was surprised at how God worked in my life and was greatly encouraged by the works of God. All that I have been telling her about was not in vain. Indeed, God is doing a work in my life and He will never let those who trust in Him be ashamed.

I could remember the excitement of my beloved friend Jane. She sounds so happy for me when I broke the news that I’ve found another job even before I left Philips. I felt so glad, because, finally, someone was there when I was happy! Finally, I am not treated that I am being boastful but really sharing my joy with another friend.

(I have been treated as a proud person whenever I had good results during my Secondary School days and since then I’ve not been going around, sharing my joy with others. Instead, I went around hiding myself instead of sharing that joy. Actually, with friends like these who’d rather that you did not do well, I’d rather not have them. Who needs a friend who discourages you? What I’d really want is someone who’d share my joy and tears. Is that really that hard? Seems so to me…)

At the end, I really thank God for His faithfulness. He really answers prayers. He is NEVER LATE nor is He ever early. He is always in time!

When we honor God, He will surely honor us back. He came true for me. I am sure He will come true for you too! Trust in God!

~Salsa Dance~

2005-09-28T13:13:00.000+08:00

This was exciting! This was the first time I’ve learnt Salsa dance. After Church service, I met up with Jane and we went down to “The Gallery” near Muhammad Sultan and met with something which I perceived as “Salsa dance”. The actions of the people were so intimate and so close. One was sitting at the chair while the other was dancing for the seated one.

Immediately, I thought of what Shawn had said to me about Salsa dance. He was telling me that it was a kind of erotic dance. After seeing what was performed, I was kind of turned off.

After sometime, Jane told me that the dance I saw was actually erotic dance or lap dance. When the dancers performed Salsa, she told me that is the actual Salsa dance. I waved a sigh of relieve.

It was a good time of fellowship with them but I was kind of stoned when I was invited to dance with them. Jane taught me how to dance. Felt kind of strange but it was not a bad experience just that I was kind of stoned as I have not been in night spots for ages.

FREE!!! Freed from bondage

2005-09-28T11:33:00.000+08:00

Finally, I find release in forgiving one person whom I once respected and was grateful of but found that he was actually not practicing what he preached. Ok, it’s human to do that and I often do that too. Maybe I was too harsh on him in this area and I need to repent.

I’ve actually had a talk with him 15minutes before 5:30pm (my official knock off time) but it dragged on to about 6:30pm. As usual, he would have nagged on and on but this time, I’m the only one whom he’s talking to.

Normally, before the incident happened, I would listen attentively to his words but somehow he lost my respect towards him. It was so bad that I in a way, hated him and disliked him.

Initially, he wanted to speak to me on the 22nd September but I had to rush for prayer meeting with Rodney, Charis, Karen and Ron. Therefore, I rejected him flatly. He asked me to stay back to talk to him again but I was not available because I had to attend cell group as well as service on both Friday and Saturdays. However, he managed to get me to stay 15mins before work ends for the day.

Alright, let’s talk about the conversation I’ve had with him. Actually, it opens up my perspective on certain areas which I think I am right but was wrong. What I thought I did right, was actually dangerous for me as it could jeopardize my career any moment. It’s due to my inexperience. I ought to keep my eyes open to spot things around me.

However, at the end of the day, I confessed to him that I’ve not been treating him with the best attitude I could gather whenever he talk after that incident and I apologized to him for not honoring him.

It’s not about the things I’ve learnt in life but it’s the attitude that I have towards people. I kind of have an expectation towards someone whenever I know they are so and so. However, what I fail to spot is my own “blind spot”. Bible says that I ought to love one another and judge not or the same judgment will be placed upon my own. I ought to not look into the face of others and tell them that they have a plank in their eyes. Which means to say that I ought to over look other’s fault instead of pin-pointing other’s fault. Now I have something to say. I do not pinpoint others (if I did, I apologize) but if they want to pinpoint me, I’ll pinpoint them too. In as much as I want, I’d not want to judge nor pinpoint others.

Anyway am rather relieved that I did release him out of my life. Next, is my dad, who sided with my sister because they are all smoker. Please know that I am not against smokers but against those who smoke even when there are none smokers around. It’s so selfish and irresponsible of them. We share the same air around and why should they have the right to pollute the air when they are the ones who are making the air quality bad? Also, why should we get out of their ways when they are the ones who should disappear as they are harming the health of others? Ridiculous!

Anyway, as a result of what my dad did, I did in response of what he wants. For now, I’ll ignore him and not talk much to him at all. Why that extreme? See, my mum was having some problems with her nose. My sister who IS a NURSE, for goodness sake, SMOKES! (Can the government pass a law over health care personals and government sectors that they ought not to smoke?)

She was the one, happily smoking away, while I took out my air-freshener, to tell her to stop smoking. She was asking my mum if my mum was ok as my mum told her that she’s having nose block for a couple of days. Worried that she might get some “smoke” related sickness, I told them off. However, they were so blind not to see what I am doing OR was I so uncertain in the things I do that I did not convey a right message OR that I’ve been too presuming? Nevertheless, what’s done is done. Right now, when they smoke, they did a “better” action. They go to the window! (How clever! That’s where the flow of air comes into the living room) Where’s “Common sense”? Or am I expecting too much, out of a nurse?

Dumbfounded

2005-09-22T13:19:00.000+08:00

What a joy and pleasure to be found by God. I’m serious about this joy, although it’s not a bed full of roses (In fact, it’s actually a bed of thorns) but I am beginning to love this life of being a Christian. (I’m not a sadist)

On Tuesday 19/09/05, I manage to meet up with a long known friend, Jane. I met her, with her boyfriend and friends for dinner. Actually, I did not want to meet up as I was feeling rather grouchy and kind of tired but while waiting, I met Raymond (Church guitarist) and one of my SOT classmate (Indonesian student).

Before meeting up with them, I was rather feeling angry and feeling very strange in a way but I do not know why. Maybe, I need to settle something about myself. A “unknown” self of my own which I need to deal with very soon.

Nevertheless, I met up with Jane, Leon, Jessy, YuPing, Philip and James for Madagascar, at Padang area. It was an experience for me to attend an “open space movie”. It felt rather romantic… I was wondering if I’d be able to go with my girlfriend in future. (Though I don’t have any now)

I was glad to be able to get to know YuPing, Jane. Leon, Philip, Leon and James… of course, not leaving Jun Yi out, who joined us for tea after our “movie”. I do enjoy their company but I do hope that I would be able to reach out to them effectively, if God’s willing.

Anyway, it’s always good to have friends who care for me. I am not saying that my cell group members do not care about me but I guess I’d need some friends whom I can relate to and are around my age. I do love my cell group members though and not forgetting my ex-cell group members who are all over the zone as well as Church.

Oh yes, I’d like to say that I am glad to be able to share my life over here with you. This is because, by sharing, I’m in a way relating myself with you as well as to let you know that being a Christian does not mean that I have to be a fake me but to be a real person as well as to be Godly as well. Being Christian does not mean that I am perfect. In fact, being Christian means that I am weak and I know that I need God. Same goes for everyone. All of us have a longing to know our maker and our purpose to which why we are here for. I’m glad that people who read my blog were blessed by what was written about my life.

I may not be a good writer but I would really want to share as much as what I’ve experienced to those who are interested because there are values which I want to convey. That with my strength, I am not able to be where I am and will never be who I am.

I’ve recently written a poem/ song. I hope that this poem/ song (cause I’d very much want to turn it into a song) will be a blessing to you. Ponder what I’ve written and know who God is…

From the beginning of daybreak
Till the evening breaks
I will choose to place all my misery
Under the feet of my Majesty

How great are You Lord
How awesome is my God
Who can give this Grace
Only when I seek His face

Amazing grace, He's given
Not of my own works
That I am forgiven
But I found favour in His eyes

Amazing love, He's made known
Not through my Righteousness
But by the manifold mercy He’s shown
That I am saved through His faithfulness

Poem by Calvin Chung Sept 2005

You're amazing~ Never changing!~

2005-09-19T00:06:00.000+08:00

After the reshuffling in cell group, I’m over-seeing about 6 people. Of these 6 people, only Ron is active in the cell group. JingJie is now no longer under me but I am determined to help him in his walk in God!

Alright, yes I am not walking very uprightly in God but unlike the past couple of days, I am better now. I do hope to get out of this trap I am in and get back on track. I feel so behind God now.

I am really amazed! There are more than 2330 hits on my blog! Who am I that I could get this amount of people clicking onto my blog, reading about me? I mean, I am just an ordinary guy, doing my best to serve God as well as to share my experiences with the people around me. I do hope that those who read my entries will NOT condemn me but would be encouraged or even encourage me when I am down.

I forgot if I did share these but someone from Malaysia wrote an email to me. Sharing with me the condition of her brother who contracted cancer and doctors told her family that her brother had only six months to live. That’s real bad news!!! However, the good news is that, that news was not really new as it has been a couple of years back when the doctors told her family that news! Glory to God that her brother is still alive!

Anyway, after she read about the things God is doing in my life over here, she wrote to me, asking me to pray for her brother to get well as he was admitted to the hospital and his condition got worse than before. After reading her mail, I felt so much that I went to pray and to intercede for her brother.

Just last one or two weeks, she wrote to me, telling me that her brother is now discharged from the hospital and she thanked me for the prayers I’ve prayed. I’m really honored but I really want her to know that it’s not by my prayers that he got better. It was God who helped and God who healed her brother. Also, her prayers made a difference when she prayed. The place of agreement is a place of power!

I’m really glad about these but what excites me and keeps me moving on is that God still loves me. Yes, even though I fell but God is there to help and guide me though it all. If it’s not for God’s presence and His love towards me, I’d not be here any more.

I’m so silly as to have made a prayer when I felt so discouraged. I was discouraged as I am not going to be a cell group guitarist. I felt it was important for me to move on in future but I was wrong. God did not see me as a guitarist. He sees me as someone else. JingJie encouraged me about it and I am glad that he was there when I was down too.

Anyway, the prayer was like a kid talking to God. I prayed “God, if I am never in Your plans, let me go. However, if I am still in Your plans, do heal me of my poor eyesight and grant me perfect eyesight.” (Of course, God would want me to have good health and good eyesight but He's not going to answer my stupid question)

It was a SILLY and STUPID prayer, right? God never answer silly questions! If I am never in the plans of God, I’d never be chosen to be in His Church or even go through Bible school at all! What am I thinking? DUH!

Ok, after sharing so much, I’ve got to go to my main point of my sharing here. I thought that the group of six which I am taking over is going to fail because Rodney and Karen are the few who seldom turns up for cell group as well as service. However, God had something in store for me.

In both last weekend and this week’s services, Rodney turned up and brought Wendy along. This week, Rodney turned up again and I am really happy! Not only that, Rodney brought along 3 other friends as well. Now, the group which I am taking charge directly, have increased from one active to about 6 active! Although it’s still early to count the eggs but I am really glad and happy that my group is growing.

NOT ONLY THAT!!! There is also a breakthrough in service this weekend! A total of 18 members attended our own service. Out of the 18 of us, four were new friends, 1 of them (seldom came to join us in service and cell group) and above these, 16 of us STAYED BACK all the way until we took the Church bus home together. It’s something which I HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT! Rodney and Karen used to leave earlier than before, stayed back to fellowship with the cell group. As a result of these, I felt that I needed to do something. I spoke to a Ron and Rickson and decided to have a prayer meeting this coming Wednesday, 21st September 2005. I’m elated to the core about this. The next thing to rejoice about is that when Ron and I asked Rodney if he wants to join us for prayer meeting, he agreed and willingly let us use his place.

I do pray for a breakthrough in that and Rodney will feel more welcomed in the cell group than before. Also, Rodney will want to join cell group this coming friday, which is located near our home, Serangoon North!

Past couple of weeks...

2005-09-18T23:45:00.000+08:00

Looking back at the past couple of weeks, I’ve come to realization that I’ve not been doing well at all. I must be really cooped up with the things around me, always wanting to do this and that etc… Worse of all, I’ve noticed this trend that I’d try to be more Spiritual or try to pray more when I am outside or when I am in Church. Is there something wrong with me?

I’ve been struggling so long, it’s a wonder that I’ve not gone away from the Presence of God. Yes, there were the times when I’d wept in the Presence of God and finally, last Saturday, streams of tears came flowing down my cheeks. It felt so good. I really want to embrace in the arms of God once again but I felt so far… Someone else was beside me during that time when I wept. Calvin aka Kaka’s sister… (That’s beside the point)

I thought that I would be turning for the better but this time, I feel that the valley that I am in right now seems to be much tougher and deeper than before. Other than confiding into Pastor, I’ve not been talking much to people. Maybe I have but to some others who are not in church.

Amazingly, though I have been in Church for sometime, I’ve not been able to share much. Maybe I’ve not been a good brother to others in Church and there’s also a possibility that I do not want to bother others. I’m such a fool! That’s what I feel and that’s what the Bible calls me and that’s my conviction too.

I may be a huge stumbling block to people. People may be wondering “look at Cal, one moment, he’s on fire, the next, he’s sinning and is now actually feeling this way?” or some, even can say “Come on, he’s a bible school student? Sure or not? Etc… or “WOW! He’s such a weak person? Is he grounded in the word of God? Etc” or even condemn me. Yes, they did not say it out or that I am too sensitive but I kind of expected these reactions when I pen down these.

Life being a Christian is really not that easy. It’s never a bed of roses and even Jesus told this to his disciples before too.

John 16: 33
33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

I am not looking for excuses but to present the very fact that Christian walk is not an easy task. There are so many battles to be fought in a Christian life and that to name a few of these battles, they are known as Spiritual warfare, against carnal desires, crucifying on own desires etc… These are getting tough right?

I’m not complaining but it’s a tough feat to start with. I can well live a life filled with sin if I want but I do not want that. It’s really filthy and not good for own. If I had chosen that, I would have had many women and also, might not be even be on earth.

If I do not want my life to be changed and was sick of my own life, I’d not want to become a Christian at all. Yes, life is fun but it can be dangerous IF I do not know what I am in for! Ever thought why you’re always stranded from one relationship to another? Going from one bad thing to another? Why you’re here on earth for? Just to grow up, study, have religion, have sex, have friends, have kids etc? Life’s not just like that! If you’re living life just like that, it’s a sheer WASTE of time! What difference are we from animals? Think again!

I DO NOT want my life to be like that! I know I am here for a purpose. However, how am I going to find my purpose without “connecting” myself to the Source of my life? The very one who gave my body its nutrients, its air/ breathe/ food etc…? It’s going to be like an airplane without its pilot! You think that with the current technology of the autopilot, there’s no need to have pilots? Think again… Who created the autopilot technology and it is true that there’s no such need to having to program it and there’s no such need to control the plane via video or a control, which is somewhat from a distance?

Main thing is that I need to be effective when I connect to my Source. The very one who created my entire being! How can an iron be effective to straighten my crumpled clothing when I do not plug the iron into the electrical socket? I have to have some electrical power in order to make it work, right?

Anyway, why am I saying these? I feel so lost right now and directionless. I felt like I’m wondering in the wilderness and the good news is that Jesus is bringing me through it all.

Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell F20 in the house of the Lord Forever.

I want to make this a statement. Yes, even though I am down but I AM NOT OUT. Yes, I may be in the valley but God is with me! NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ON LIFE AND ON GOD!

I am BLESSED, I AM BLESSED and I AM BLSSED!!!

2005-09-01T21:33:00.000+08:00

Earlier on, I went off earlier than before during work. I’m so glad that I’d be having Bible Study with Pastor Aries. Also, it’s a time for me to do the things I felt God is telling me. That’s to arise and Build my life once again.

While on my way to Suntec City, I was rather excited in wanting to be there on time as I raced my way to Suntec, after alighting from City Hall.

When I reached Suntec, I actually went to the wrong building. I’m rather amused by myself. This is because, I thought I knew where Church office was but I was really wrong. Although I had been there for a number of times, I actually went to the wrong building. Now, am I being stressed up or am I being familiar with the surroundings?

After receiving the correct information from Sister Gillian, I went to the correct place. Upon reaching Church office, I met up with some familiar Bible school graduates. They were once my classmates and are serving full time in Church. (How I wish… I could be there)

Many thoughts came to my mind… I really want to be able to work in Church as a full time minister. It’s not because I’ve nothing better to do but I really want to serve God. I want to be able to give my all to God. Serving Him wholeheartedly and loving Him fervently. That’s my desire and hope one day.

Finally, Bible study with Pastor came. I’m glad that I am there for bible study. Even though it’s Foundation Truth 1, lesson 1, I was really blessed too. Yes, although I’ve been through it during my Bible school days but this time, I get to see things clearer. I thought I knew something but I really did not see it until Pastor taught it.

All I can say is that I am really blessed. I began to see things differently and that serving God is an honor. It’s not about the fame, the money or even the influence. It’s about serving God gladly, not with a grudging heart. While Pastor was teaching, things began to run in my thoughts. Things like how my life is and the type of attitude I had when I was serving God. I need to repent big time…

God is so great! He is awesome! I’m speechless about God. He is really a GOOD God who loves unconditionally. I’ve wondered so many a times, why would God allow me to go through the things I went through (not that I suffered a lot) and though I’ve hurt His heart time and time again, He was still willing to love me that much. Laying down His life for me, on the cross of Calvary, was something I’ve never expected. He need not go through what He went but He did it, just to show that He loves me.

Yes, God might not have died for me, He died for ALL sinners. Among these sinners, I’m one of those, whom I considered as a condemned, will never change guy. He did not give up on me. He gave me chances upon chances, in the hope of seeing me changed. He also believed that I can be the person whom He sees.

Today, I make a decision; a solemn and sincere decision, to follow God with all my heart and might; loving Him with ALL my might. No matter what happens, I’ll not want God to leave me. I do pray that I’ll do all I can, to guard what He’s given to me and will TREASURE it.

In such a short time of Bible study, I learnt so much and began to see things differently. I really thank God for the time given, for me to have Bible study with Pastor Aries!

After Bible study, Pastor talked with me for sometime and he asked me to write a diary to him. I am happy and glad! I want to be disciple by him. He knows the desire and I am willing to bear all to him and to have him, coming into my life, to help me be a better man; to be a GODLY, RIGHTEOUS, GOD FEARING and UPRIGHT man for Jesus. Yes, this road is tough and narrow but it’ll be possible as God says that nothing is impossible with Him!

Rebuilding walls

2005-08-31T14:46:00.000+08:00

I believe it is a time for me to rebuild my life once again. However, this time, I really need to fortify the “walls” against “enemies” so that they will never have the chance to hit me when I am at the lowest point of life.

You see, I have been struggling with a couple of areas in my life. Namely, its got to do with human nature, the things which we cannot cast out at all but need to crucify it at all days; our fleshy nature!

Of late, I have been struggling in these areas which I once was able to overcome it for weeks or even months but these couple of weeks, I’ve been yielding to them and let God down, over and over again. If you’ve been reading up or following up with my life for a period of time you’ll notice that I had written regarding this matter. I have always wanted to get my life right with God and to stay PURE! I want to be set apart to do His will.

Especially these couple of days, I’ve been drawn back to my “old nature”. When Rev Paul Chase came to preach, I was encouraged and I told Pastor Aries about this matter which has been bothering me. Immediately after the prayer meeting ended, I text messaged Pastor Aries regarding this matter. He encouraged me and told me not to give up fighting against it.

Last Friday, Pastor Aries called me up and wanted to talk to me but I was busy with work. I forgot if I should call him or that he’ll contact me. Anyway, I suppose that he’s been too tight up with the things in Church, especially when Rev Ulf was here last week.

Nonetheless, I remember in the Book of Nehemiah, there was also a time of rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem. I want to be able to resist the enemy as much as possible. Yes, there are a lot of works to be done but I believe that it can be done. If God says that nothing is impossible for those who love Him, it means that I too can do it! It’s not for my own self but also for the people around me. There will be more tensions and struggles coming up but I WILL PUT MY TRUST IN GOD.

2 Samuel 22: 31
As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

Psalm 9: 10
And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.

Proverbs 30: 5
Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.

There are many other verses in the Holy Bible which have these references but nevertheless, I will put my trust in God! Whatever He says, I will trust in His Words! I really must arise and stand strong in God’s word. No weapon formed against me shall prosper!

Long story short...

2005-08-31T11:47:00.000+08:00

Gosh! It’s been about a week since I last blogged? Please pardon me and forgive me friends. I have been busy these days and also, have been fighting an "old enemy" of late as it has been "hunting" and "visiting" me these few weeks. Please keep me in prayer, thanks!

It has been a wonderful week. The Word, preached by Rev Paul Chase, Pastor Sy, Rev Ulf and Bro Jimmy still burns within my heart. Although they preached different messages but I seem to be able to grasp something from within.

If I were to put them in order, it’ll be like this:
First of all, don’t forget about the times I’ve prayed and worshipped God.
Secondly, the three types of appetites ALL humans have;
1. Hunger – type of food/ things we hunger for.
2. Thoughts – Food for thoughts, what we meditate in our mind.
3. Love – People wants to be loved and trusted.

Pastor Sy then introduced the true definition of love, as in AGAPE love, people needs:
A) Love is Acceptance.
B) Love is Accountability.
C) Love is Affirmation.

In one of Rev Ulf Ekman’s “conference”, Rev Ulf preached on 2 Timothy 3: 2 “For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy…”

Rev Ulf preached on this passage and showed us what kind of love that will be needed during the end times. Last but not least, during Bible study, Brother Jimmy taught on Repentance.

Overall, I conclude that I got to be careful of what I do and what I “meditate” on. What I think equates to what I desire and what I really want or love. Above all these “want” and love in life, I need to desire God and to love others as myself.

Encounters, Experiences and Self Evaluation...

2005-08-22T23:58:00.000+08:00

What a week with God! God is indeed a GOOD God and that He KNOWS EVERYTHING in our lives! Yes, He knows even what you think or need even BEFORE you knew what you need or will think about! Yes, even the thoughts and details of things which you've never thought you'll think of too!

The past couple of days have been one which I’d term it as an adventure and fruitfulness. From Tuesday till Wednesday then to Thursday, to Friday then to Saturday’s service, all the way till today, it’s been one which opened up my eyes and mind!

Although I’ve been tied up with work and miscellaneous stuffs but my walk with God was really exciting and so real! I’m really glad too as well because by the GRACE and MERCY of God, I’ve been able to walk a week, free from what I was tied to, the past couple of weeks. I am really glad that I am able to present myself pure before God this week!

Although there were many events the past couple of days BUT its nonetheless, great days! It’s a time where I felt I walked the closest with God.

First, on Tuesday, I had an encounter with God when I started fasting for 12 hours. Wednesday, I fasted for another 12 hours. I really want to have a change in my life and I do not want to be the same! I have come to God with problems and I want to KICK AWAY one habit! One very bad habit but till then, I wasn’t able to overcome it. (I WILL overcome it! "Greater is He, who is IN ME, than he, who is in the world")

God is GOOD! When I fasted, He gave me the strength and energy to last through. Besides that, He is faithful and just! He preserved me all these while! Then something happened at home.

Sometime back, my parents began to change the “settings” of the living room and they went on changing the “FengShui” of the entire house, except my room! Anyway, something strange and interesting happened. If I did not remember wrongly, I’ve written something about it before. If I never, then, I should tell it now…

Some weeks back, they changed the “FengShui” of the entire living room. Interestingly, it was about the same time when I wanted to be serious with God. Back then, I was doing a lot of funny stuffs. I went back to my old ways BUT GOD gave Pastor Kong the words to speak/ preach and it ministered to me. Shortly, Rev Mike came along and I felt ministered by the Word and the move of the Holy Spirit.

I had been waging warfare in the Spiritual atmosphere in my family. When I began to pray stronger than before, things began to change. Interestingly, I saw some changes in behavior in, first my sister, then my parents. However, this change was not something which I’d want to see…

I remember clearly that it’s during the deliverance time that they started behaving strangely. This was especially evident whenever I stood in front of the altar, using Olive oil to sprinkle upon them, casting them in Jesus’ name. What happens was that after I’m done… My sister would keep looking at the altar whenever she passes by, and clean it every now and then. This is really freaky! YIKES!!!

I must engage into a more intense and fierce warfare in the house. I cannot and God will not allow the evil one to come and destory my love ones. (I am not being Super spiritual. If you witness it yourself of what is going on, you'll know what I really mean)

Besides that, cell group on Friday was one which I will not forget! During cell, the entire atmosphere was not good at all. It began with the prayer meeting. It was like so weak and so dry in the prayer meeting. ChangChin was like constantly trying to bash through the atmosphere. Maybe it was due to the fact that he’s to lead the prayer meeting and thus…

Even when Sister Gillian came into the cell and “wrap” up the prayer meeting, the entire atmosphere was really strange and odd!

The Praise was not really good as everyone seems to be distracted and there wasn’t a sense of unity within the cell. It certainly wasn’t a nice feeling at all. However, during Worship, things began to change. The entire atmosphere began to change for the better. When worshippers of God began to bow down on knees and lifting hands to worship God and focus upon Jesus, that’s when God will move within the cell group.

I felt the touch of heaven! It’s really cool and amazing! What I’ve experienced on Tuesday’s prayer meeting was also experienced there and then! This time, in a greater way and the duration was longer session.

When it was time to exercise Spiritual gifts, we waited upon God. Finally, when it was time for us to give a word of encouragement, God gave me a burden; the burden of passion for the lost and felt most of them are losing the zeal and love for God and the cell group. I really want to see something done in the cell group. I want to pray harder and longer for the cell; to see a breakthrough in the cell group!

After I’ve said my part, Sister Gillian, too felt the same way and encouraged the cell not to give up on reaching out to the lost and lose the passion for God. When I heard these, I was really encouraged as it’s in the will of God and that I’ve not gone to the wrong direction.

On Saturday, the Word from Sy Rogers was really great! He shared so much that I’d really hope that Brenda was there to listen to what was preached. I really hope that one day, she’d be in God’s will; to have the correct type of attractions instead of what she is now.

Actually, there wasn’t much on Saturday but the number of people attending service from cell was really discouraging. Why am I so concerned about numbers? People count! Everyone is precious in the sight of God and even if one day, Peter were to fall away from God, I’d feel the same too.

Right now, Calvin Chan, HaoJun, Makus, Rodney, Karen, Elina, GuiSheng, Adora, Desmond, Sherman, Jasmine, LiYing etc, who once were regular, did not even turn up for service. Yes, they may say that they are Christians but how can one be when they are not in fellowship or in the House of God anymore? How can one say that they belong to a certain citizenship when they are not even aware of the things happening in their own lands?

Sunday was really awesome! I went for Foundational Truth Bible Study with QiuPing. Initially, I felt that it was a complete waste of time and was thinking of not attending it. However, I felt challenged and there’s a need for me to go as well. I really thank God that I went!

Although the things preached were more or less the same, but I was glad as God reveals some other things into my life, to speak to my situations. Even when I was on my way to Church, I was listening to Sy Roger’s CD. It was such a blessing! I really thank God for His people and the media He uses. It’s really a blessing to me especially when the Word preached was something which I’ve been longing for a long time!

I do not confess that I know or understand the ENIIRE counsel of God nor do I boast that I know the depth, height, width or length of God’s Grace and Mercy but I am SURE that it’s more than enough for me! If it’s more than enough for me, why is it not enough for you, who is reading my blog?

There is a longing in every single heart. Everyone have a need of ACCEPTANCE, ACCOUNTABILITY and AFFIRMATION.

What did I think I went or do wrong for the week? (In thoughts or actions)

Self Reflection:
Actually, I feel that I was rather proud and felt insecure about the things I face. I was actually unhappy with the Sister Gillian as she chose ChangChin instead of me. Also, I doubted if it was God’s intention for me to go Bible school. If it’s not, why did I go through it all?

Sometimes I feel that I’ve been overlooked by people and that I’m just an ordinary member in the cell; maybe, will someday turn into wall paper together as time goes by. God forbid it to happen!

God is really interesting! When I was thinking about these questions, He listens! When I am done with asking, He replies! I’m really astounded by God’s knowledge and how He answers me.

I am not able to change from level one to level ten because if I do so, I’d be like a plant without roots. Also, the Children of Israel did not possess the Promised Land the moment they came out of Egypt! God told them that if He did so, the beast of the fields will, in turn possess the lands if He were to allow it. Likewise, if I were to grow to a Spiritual giant, I have to take it step by step; allowing my roots to sink into the Word of God first then to grow higher. If I were to step into leadership now, then I’d not have the ability to do what a GOOD leader would do!

While chatting with Hazel via MSN, she said something which really enlightens my mind more. In the midst of conversation, she said “I remember someone once said that... your ministry will only go as far as your character can bring u.” That’s it! I really need to have an URGENCY to build up my character and stop behaving like a baby!

Unforgettable Experience and lesson

2005-08-17T15:44:00.000+08:00

Tuesday night’s prayer meeting was unforgettable! I really cannot forget the very tangible Presence of God.

Rickson went to the prayer meeting together with me. It was during the time when we prayed together for services One, Two and our own individual cell groups, that I experienced God.

It was the same feelings I experienced years back when Sister Jo laid her hands on my head to pray for me back in 1997’s cell group. The difference this time is, I’m the one doing the praying while Rickson is agreed with me.

When both Rickson and I were praying, I felt my entire being numbed. However, I felt the numbest at my hands and head. Although I felt numb but that was a really nice feeling to experience. (It’s not due to the lack of blood/ activities but it’s a feeling… beyond understanding.) I really love that feeling! I believe I understand why Psalmist, King David, said that “One day in the House of God, is better than anywhere else on earth”. What more can one say, when he/she is being touched by God? It is an undeserved “reward”/ privilege to be touch by God. The love, mercy and grace shown upon my life, is something which I WILL NEVER want to forget!

After we’ve prayed for the Church, Rev. Kong, Sun and Rev. Ulf, within approximately thirty minutes, Rev Paul Chase brought a word of season to me. (I felt that is the Word from God to me). I felt really ministered and really want to go to the “battlefield” again.

This was the message preached:
Title of the message:

Have you lost your cutting edge?

2 Kings 6: 1 – 3
1 And the sons of the prophets said to Elisha, "See now, the place where we dwell with you is too small for us.2 Please, let us go to the Jordan, and let every man take a beam from there, and let us make there a place where we may dwell." So he answered, "Go." 3 Then one said, "Please consent to go with your servants." And he answered, "I will go."

When I heard of this passage, immediately, the word, “anointing” came into my mind. Borrowed anointing… I questioned if I “borrowed” the anointing of the people around me to reach out to God or did I really have the anointing of God to minister to people around me.

Nevertheless, Rev Paul then shared these: (I added in somethings which came to my mind and modified some points shared)

The level we grow or increases do depend upon the kind of relationship we have. If we are not close with our parents, naturally, quarrels and disagreements will exist. Likewise, what is true in the natural is also true spiritually. When we keep fellowshipping with God, seeking His face everyday, we’ll be more and more like Him and also, will be able to know what His heart’s desires/ plans for us.

The relationships we have, do affect our destinies in life. This is especially true. Whom will a Father give to most, when He wants to give inheritance to His sons, who will He give to; the one who’s closest to Him or the one who’s not?

It does not take one to be a genius or a rocket scientist to know the answer. If one is WISE, they would choose to give to the one who’s closest to.

Also, whom will one confide in? One who’s closest to you or one who’s not even a friend? I realized nowadays, the trend would be to confide in those who are not close; which I find it really “interesting”.

In every form of relationships, there is a “universal” law which will always run in it. It’s called the law of “change”. Bearing in mind that there is a law of “change” in very form and walks of life, we can lose our “edge” without even realizing it.

Humans are habitual beings. There are times when we will lose our “edge”, thus not being able to be as influential/ sharp or get the type of results we used to have, when we have the anointing of God upon us.

The anointing is the edge I have in life. I can’t do anything out of a routine or by own personal power/ wisdom for it’ll all be ineffective and might even fail, despite, by reason, it should work out.

2 Kings 6: 4
4 So he went with them. And when they came to the Jordan, they cut down trees. 5 But as one was cutting down a tree, the iron ax head fell into the water; and he cried out and said, "Alas, master! For it was borrowed."

Over here, this certain son of certain prophet was cutting down trees with the rest of the people. There’s nothing wrong in helping or participating. The thing about this person was that he was using a borrowed axe.

This person, should, by right, be anointed and should have joy, peace and an edge in life. However, he lost/ did not bring his own axe but was borrowed!

He might be thinking within his heart “This is just another routine, its ok not to bring my own axe. It’ll get blunt when I am to use my own and it’s all a hassle to sharpen it. I’ll go borrow an axe and I will be able to avoid the trouble of cleaning and sharpening mine.”

However, little did anyone know what will happen to the borrowed axe as it was not known to them what will happen the following day! When the day came for them to Jordan to fall trees, this son of prophet did not realized what is to come. The very moment the axe head flew off, he shout “Alas, Master! For it was borrowed! This man did not treasure what was his but took advantage, out of comfort sake, he borrowed an axe.

In ministry, we ought to realize that the anointing we have is ENTRUSTED by God to us, for ministry! Not something to be taken for granted! The anointing is given and it is us who will maintain and keep that anointing, to grow it, to guard it! Never ever let the devil spit at your face; to despise you! Don’t ever let the devil be the one to spit at your face! Be the one to spit into the face of the evil one and be the one to intimidate the evil one!

What happens when we begin to lose our anointing? We start to search for that something, not realizing that we have already lost it. The devil will then take advantage of this moment and starts to put doubt into our hearts and mind. With doubts “flooding” in the mind and the person not turning to God for counsel, the person starts to get into “identity crisis”.

Let’s look at Jesus. From the Gospel of Matthew all the way to the Gospel of John, He went about everywhere and anywhere to whomever who needs His touch! He was prepared.

Have you ever seen any soldier fighting a battle without being ready for a battle/ caught surprised? Did not the Bible say that we OUGHT to be READY, IN AND OUT OF SEASON?

Therefore, conclusion is that, the anointing is to be worn upon our bodies like clothing. It has to be upon us, daily and every second!

In order for us to be leader, we ought to BE LIKE JESUS!

Notice that whenever Jesus was out ministering, people are always reaching out to Him and always wanting Him to go to their house for dinner? He is like a celebrity BUT MORE!

Now, know what I meant by “BE LIKE JESUS?” Be the one who will minister to others, to help others, to heal others! Don’t be the one who sit by Gate Beautiful, waiting for things to happen! Be the one to make things happen!

2 Kings 6: 6
6 So the man of God said, "Where did it fall?" And he showed him the place. So he cut off a stick, and threw it in there; and he made the iron float.

After the axe head flew off, the son of prophet went to a man of God. The man of God asked a “million dollar” question to the son of prophets. He asked “Where did it fall?”

When ministry/ life become a routine and it does not bring forth results, we got to be truthful to ourselves to find out what went wrong. Jesus said “They shall know the TRUTH and the TRUTH shall SET THEM FREE”

Truths always set people free! It brings freedom to, both the “offender” and those who wants to help. BE HONEST AND TRUTHFUL!

1. NOTICE where we lost it.
2 Kings 6: 6
6 So the man of God said, "Where did it fall?" And he showed him the place. So he cut off a stick, and threw it in there; and he made the iron float.
- Where we lost that passion, to who and what caused the “downfall”?

If I were to tell you that I am in your country, lost! You too, will ask me that same “million dollar” question “where are you now?” Is it going to help when I say, “I don’t know” or “I think I am here/ there?” Definitely NOT!

If I do not know where I am, how am I going to expect others to know where I am or where I’m lost at? Likewise, if I do not know where I am, how am I going to go to my destinies?

2. We GET HELP from someone “HIGHER” than us.
2 Kings 6: 6
6 So the man of God said, "Where did it fall?" And he showed him the place. So he cut off a stick, and threw it in there; and he made the iron float.
This man seeks for help from those who can help him. He HUMBLED himself and let the man of God GUIDE him. He did not care about his “outer man” or pride.
Never be too concern about their “outer man” than to “STRENGTHENING” their inner man!

3. Go to someone who still have that “cutting edge”
2 Kings 6: 6
6 So the man of God said, "Where did it fall?" And he showed him the place. So he cut off a stick, and threw it in there; and he made the iron float.
As mentioned in the passage, the man of God cut off a stick. This shows that this person is still sharp and not routine in life! He has the ability to impact and to touch lives!

The person who challenges you to be better than what/ who you are today is the person who is able to help you. Be humble, teachable and have a willing heart/ attitude to learn. In the midst of learning, build a dependency upon God.

God wants us to be Earth Shakers and History Makers! How can we shake the earth when we cannot impact? If we cannot impact others, how can we be History makers?

Amen? Think of what is written and apply it to your life. I'm sure it'll be a blessing to you, regardless you believe in Jesus or not!

Anything Praise Worthy?

2005-08-16T16:35:00.000+08:00

What happened today is really worth mentioning and certainly able to give all glory and honor onto God!

I’m so glad that I was able to fulfill my pledge to God. Once again, God have proven Himself to be true to me in such a time as this.

Initially, I was rather uncertain about the amount to give onto the building fund when the long awaited “Arise and Build” Champaign began this year. I fasted, prayed and prayed for sometime but was not able to confirm the amount that God wants me to give.

I remembered that it was around the starting of July that I was still thinking about the amount that I want to give to God, as a token of my love to Him. Something hit me when I went to pay up the suit which I specially tailored made for Bro Colin’s wedding. I paid a heavy price for it. It cost me almost half my salary and in the end, I find myself in lack. As a result of it, I was thinking of how to get cash so as to survive and was terminated from SNP because of the petty things, which my, then, superior felt that I was rude to him.

First and foremost, I give respect to everyone and anyone I face. Even in my cell, there’s one member, by the name of Peter, he is a poor guy. He doesn’t get to bath often as well. If I can get along with him and even respect him, how much more with people who are better than him. If the person don’t show attitude to me and bear grudges/ be petty towards me, I’d never disrespect that person. Also, I do not say things which anyone have not done before or said to me.

Anyway, back to my testimony on the FAITHFULNESS of God. Last week, I was struggling with the idea of fulfilling the building fund and paying my tithe unto God. It was a real great struggle. I was actually left with $270 in my bank and if I were to pay my tithe and fulfill my pledge, I’d be left with $50 for the rest of the two weeks.

When Saturday came, I went to do what I was to do; to fulfill my vow unto God. After paying my tithe and building fund, I was really tight in cash and did not manage to spend as much as before. It was a sacrifice. After service, I joined my cell for a moment and went on to meet with David and the rest of the guitarist, whom I got to know earlier on this year.

As I’m already rather late, I took a cab. (We were supposed to meet at 1930hrs but I reached there at about 2100hrs.) After taking cab, I was much tighter with my cash flow and really did not spend much.

After having dinner, they suggested to go Haagen-Dazs for ice cream. When I heard that, I was rather surprised and, not wanting to let them feel disappointed, I joined them. However, I did not order anything, even though some of them wanted to bless me.

Yesterday, I almost forgot to bring cash out when I went to work. I brought $15 to work but spent $10 on taxi. I really cannot take it anymore. I can’t anyhow spend my cash, especially on cabs. While working, I looked unto the calendar and realized that I still have two weeks to go before my pay comes. I was really sad but glad that I’ve fulfilled my tithing and building but sad as I do not know how to survive my other two weeks with $50 dollars. I really cannot imagine.

During lunch, I went to the nearest ATM to draw out some cash in case I do not have enough. I had this feeling that I need to check the amount I’ve left with and to my surprise, I found that there were an additional $170 in my account!

I checked my receipt for the building fund and tithing as I thought the amount has been rejected or whatsoever, only to realize that it’s all approved. I am so glad and happy. If this is not God, who else can it be, to be able to do such a thing in my life? Giving me an increase when I needed it most!

God is true to His word and will never fail. He is the same yesterday, today and forever! Really thank God. Truly, those who sow in tears shall certainly reap in joy! Praise His name!

What’s worship?

2005-08-15T17:34:00.000+08:00

Today’s service was really good. The entire Presence of God filled the entire Church and I really love that! We have some wonderful time Praising and Worshiping God. Yes, though there are many youths in the service, but it does not mean that being young, they cannot be Godly!

I really love the Presence of God. I need more and more of God daily! Benjamin was seated beside me and this time round, the seats we have gotten is really good but it can be better!

When Pastor Kong preached the Word, I was really touched and was reminded that Pastor Kong did preach that Word before. It was during 2003’s emerge conference that he preached that same Word. The difference is that, Pastor played the guitar and sung. The song goes…

I HAVE COME TO BOW DOWN
AT YOUR FEET LORD JESUS
IN YOUR PRESENCE
THERE IS FULLNESS OF JOY

THERE IS NOTHING, THERE IS NO ONE
TO COMPARE WITH YOU
I TAKE PLEASURE IN WORSHIPPING YOU LORD
(I TAKE PLEASURE IN WORSHIPPING) (I TAKE PLEASURE IN WORSHIPPING YOU LORD)

This song touched and moved my heart. I still remember the song as it was sung yesterday. It seemed so near, yet… it was about 2 years back that it happened.

Oh yes, the Word of God moved in my life and I really want to worship God over again. Coming to Him just as I am, surrendering to His hands. Although there are things which I am still struggling with but I do wish to be able to come into His hands and be made into the person whom He wants me to be.

After service, I joined cell group for a short while and went on my way to meet up with David, Michelle, Deorrine, Catherine and Shu Xian. It was fun fellowshipping with them. Really enjoy being with them but I wasn’t able to afford to eat what they had as… I was very full and also, I am on budget. Do not have much to spare as I’ve just paid my tithe and building fund.

At the end of the day, I went home with Deorrine. She gave me a lift home as I was really broke…

16th Anniversary

2005-08-12T12:27:00.000+08:00

Sunday's 16th anniversary was awesome. The Presence of God was at the indoor stadium and I really felt God so close! This time, I wasn't in the front of the queue. Rickson, JingJie, Ron etc were there earlier than me. They got about 20 over seats for the entire cell group.

Things to be happy was that there were a number of friends who came for the events. People who have not been coming to Church, IE: Calvin Chan also came to join us. I'm glad about this!

I do really look forward for the cell to move to greater heights. I don't want to see my cell group stagnant for another 5years before we multiplied few months back. There are positive sides for this multiplications. First and foremost, W332 grew stronger and more members were added to them. Secondly, N20 (my cell) also grew bigger.

Although there are a lot of youths in my cell, I do really want to help them out in their Spiritual life and to see them be on fire for God. Reaching out to people around them and to influence them.

I believe that this will happen and nothing is impossible with God! If God's willing, I do want to see the youths in N20, rise up and bring the passion for God to their campus/ schools/ work place.

FIGHT! Fight! FIGHT!!! Fight a fight!!!

2005-08-06T12:57:00.000+08:00

This is a long awaited “composition” I've been wanting to write. I did not write yesterday as I wanted to see if I could be able to sustain till the time I've given to God; to fast from monday till friday, 6am-6pm.

God is really faithful! Despite not having food for more than 24hrs on thursday, I was able to last till yesterday, 6pm. In fact, I did not only end my fast at 6pm but lasted till about 7pm! If this is not God, who else can it be? I've done my part for the cell group. Now, it's time for God to make His move. I really pray that tomorrow's total attendance for cell group would be 34. God is interested in numbers because people counts! Every single soul is important. God desire all to be saved and none to perish!

I'm very excited and am looking forward to the 16th anniversary tomorrow. I do look forward to a high retention of those friends and those who have backsliden from God. I desire for them to trust in God and know what He plans for their lives.

People like LiYing, Rodney, Benjamin, HaoJun, Calvin Chan, Desmond Cheng, Sherman, Makus, Elina, Karen and various others will come back to God and give their commitments to God once again.

Champions drink...

2005-08-05T17:07:00.000+08:00

Gosh... I feel so weak! After fasting (beverage fast) for about close to five days (monday till friday) and a wednesday full day fast, I feel so drained, weak but closer to God.

I do not know what's going on with my body but do feel giddy and feel weak. Maybe my body cannot take it or it's just another ploy of the devil. Nevertheless, I am determined to fast even it's in the final hours! Have been drinking milo but... Anyway, it's my sixth cup for the day! Yes, I feel weak but I enjoy the time with God.

Yes, I have told God about this fast and will trust God that He will help me through it all. Not presuming but am walking by faith, not by sight!

My first... my last... My joy... my agony...

2005-08-04T22:18:00.000+08:00

I'm filled with mixed feelings. One occasion to rejoice about and the other, which broke my heart...
I reached home at about 1800hrs after work. As I walked pass the living room into my room, my dad who was doing the ironing, told me that there's something on the sofa for me. Initially, I thought it was a letter but to my surprise, I saw a box.

When I took a closer look at the box, I realized that it was a Canon A4000 digital camera!!! I was really excited and happy that I finally have a digital camera! It's been a long while since I wanted a digital camera. This time, I have it, FOR FREE!!! Yipee!!! I really thank God for granting me the desires of my heart!

After receiving such wonderful gift from my dad, I went off to teach Calvin Koh. While on my way down, I was smiling and was really glad that God indeed blessed me with one digital camera. I have been longing to take a photo of my students and myself, so as to keep it as a momento.

Upon reaching Calvin's place, he was lazing around, watching the television. He came and opened the door for me. As usual, his siblings (4 & 5 years old) came asking me if I have sweets, the very moment I stepped into the house. His brother, went behind me to grab my bag and started to follow me while I walk towards the room, to give tuition.

Things went on as usual as I started to get Calvin to check if he has any undone work. Normally, he would have to learn spellings on tuesday (chinese) and wednesday (english). However, there was no english spelling words given by his teacher.

As a result of it, I let him do some assessments so as to gauge his memory for the things he learnt previously. Shortly, his maid came into the room to pass me the tuition fees. This time, was different from the previous times. She informed me that this will be the last lesson with Calvin. I was rather shocked and sad upon knowing this piece of news.

In my mind, there was a battle going on. One side, I was concerned about the building fund but I do not know why but there was another voice. It spoke to me that God will make a way and He will provide. I was glad but sad as I will not be able to fellowship and teach Calvin anymore.

Soon, his parents came home. After the lesson, I prayed for him, that God will do a work in his life and that God will show him that He is true and will never fail.Before I left, his mum spoke to me and told me the reason why she wants me to stop teaching him.

The reason was really simple and I agreed with her. Calvin is really too dependant upon me and he only does his work whenever I am there or when his parents wants him to do so. He will wait for people to provide answers and will rely upon those who can give him solutions. It took his mum sometime and it was about 2029hrs when I left their place.

He cried while his mum scolded him. I know how he must have felt. I was there and been in his shoes before too. I was like him when I was young. Before I went home, I talked to him and gave him a hug. I don't want him to feel condemned and unloved. The way his mum scolded him, it really felt as if she does not love him at all; but I understand how she feels. I explained to him... I really do not know if he understands but I really pray with all my heart that he will understand.

If God's willing, I hope that there will be a change in his attitude and who knows, I'll be back teaching him again?

I'll lay my hands on...

2005-08-03T16:51:00.000+08:00

I'm excited to share with you this. Whatever God says in the Bible is true and He is not a man that He should lie. When He says that I am the head and not the tail, I better believe it! If He says in His words that I can be a WORLD SHAKER and a HISTORY MAKER, I better grab that very promise/ word! If He says that when we pray for the sick, they WILL BE HEALED; the oppressed/ demon-possessed, they SHALL BE SET FREE!

I am so excited about these because last week monday (25th July 2005), when I was giving tuition to Calvin Koh, I saw a bandage over his left eye. When I asked him what happened to him, he told me that he fell in school and as a result from the fall, he injured his left eye. I really thank God that God did not allow Calvin Koh's left eye to get more damages, which might result to loss of sight. While the lesson with him came to an end, I laid my hands over his left eye and prayed for him.

On the 26th July 2005, I went to teach him again. When I asked him how his eye feels, he told me that after I prayed for him, he felt that the wounded part got better. After hearing this, I was filled with excitement! Towards the end of the lesson on tuesday night, I prayed for him before I left. However, on wednesday, I wasn't able to make it for lesson. (Need time to relax)

Anyway, yesterday, when I reached his home for tuition, I did not notice that his bandage is taken off. When I looked at him, I felt something missing. Now I know what happened... The bandage is taken off his left eye. What happened next was really interesting! I asked him about his eye, he told me that after praying for him on tuesday, he recovered on wednesday! GLORY TO GOD!

I really thank God that He is moving in his life in this manner. The best thing is that... he is from a buddhist background and is a vegetarian. Cool right? God indeed shows that He loves EVERYONE and ALL HUMANS. God loves, He really desire everyone to know His GREAT LOVE!

Tearing DOWN strongholds and building life!

2005-07-31T23:25:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was really glad to be able to see Martina online. I realized that she has been reading my blog since the day I gave her the address to my blog. While chatting with her, she asked me for the songs I've written for the past couple of days. I wish I'd have the honors to be able to record it so that I am able to share it with others. That they will BE BLESSED!

Actually, I want to but I do not know how to go about uploading it to my blog and get it playing like Galvin. Anyway, for those who are curious, I MIGHT give the lyrics and chords... However, these will not be good enough as... You need the tune of the song and how it's sung...

I have a good news to share... Simon is going to lend me his Ipod which have this recording functions in it. I'm so glad and happy that he is going to lend me that device as I can do some recordings of new songs. Songs which I will compose. Of course, it's not going to be by my very own efforts as whatever I do on my own, will not be excellent unless God comes and help me with His Holy Spirit! WOOHOO!!!

I felt that when I was in the valley, I was like King David. I realized that the valley/ desert experiences I went through were never in vain. It was in times when I was in the desert/ valley that I wrote songs for God and draw nearer to God. Of course, I'd not hope to be in those bad times all the time but I realized that whenever I get into one bad experience, I get closer to God than before. I pray like never before too!

Earlier on, I gave Bible study to JingJie. It was really good! Never have I felt the Presence of God so strong at home... This time, in the balcony! My parents did some shiftings and asked some geomancy people to come do something to the house. Bascically, they are not saved yet. I am praying and beliving that they will be saved one day, in Jesus' name.

When my mum told me that the balcony is the place they believed that they purposely made way for the whatever idols/ money idols, my eyes and heart leaps with delight! I felt that way because when bring the Word of God to the balcony to have Bible study with JingJie, I am doing something. Tearing down the stronghold of the evil one!

Before having Bible study, bboth JingJie and myself prayed together in the balcony and I asked God to come sanctify the balcony. I did major damages to those demonic spirits! I went against them and I believe that they are not going to just sit there to wait for me to attack. They are going to come against me soon!

Do pray for me! That the Spirit of God will rule and regin in my family. The strongholds of the demons will DECREASE and JESUS WILL INCREASE IN MY FAMILY!

While giving Bible study, I was reminded of a number of things. As a minister of Christ, I can be who God says I can be. I can be the head and not the tail. Above and not beneath. Blessed in my coming out and coming in. I will be BLESSED ABUNDANTLY! I will RULE TOGETHER with Christ! I AM THE CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD! Amen!!!

I have the victory through Christ Jesus. It's not going to be my very own efforts or things I had done but it's by the Grace and Mercy of God!

I am getting more and more in love with God. I felt that I can be a leader like what people have been saying through my members, through Pastors and etc... I want to make a decision today that I will be more hardworking and more faithful in the things God's given to me!

I need all the encouragements possible. Do give me your supports and encouragements as I know thigns will not be bed of roses but with God and you, my friends/ fans/ family in Christ, I can go through it all just as JOB have gone through!

Hand of God in life!

2005-07-31T00:47:00.000+08:00

WOW! I had a wonderful experience with God today! I’m really excited and was stirred within my soul once again.

This week, is a time to “clean” the lives of each and every one of us. I remembered in the year 2002, when I came back to God, I was set free from demonic oppressions and from then, I went on to bible school in the year 2003 and have not backslidden from that day on till now. Yes, there were times I fell into temptations gave into my flesh, was slack etc but I never left God that day till now. I do hope that I’d never fall away from God forever!

I was particularly happy today because I felt the real Presence of God! When Rev Mike was praying for us to get delivered, I went out too. While responding to the altar call, I felt that I should pray for those who want to receive prayers. Therefore, I prayed for Ron, who, also responded to the altar call.

When praying for Ron, I felt both my hands heated up. I felt electricity on my pair of hands and when I laid it upon Ron, my pair of hand felt as if it was on fire! It was really unforgettable!

I laid hands upon a few people and I believe that they are delivered by God, by faith! Amen!

Anyway, I was really glad that I able to serve God in such a way and that nothing is within me. I am glad, not because I have nothing within me but that I was able to experience God in such a manner and to be used by Him! Glory to God!

What's little will be much in God's hand

2005-07-30T11:17:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's cell group was the first time I played for cell group as a guitarist. During the practice, I was rather confident that I could be able to play the songs selected for me to play but... something happened I fumbled and did not play as well, compared to the practice. Actually, I was kind of discouraged by the way that I played. I am not happy with the type of effort made/ standard. I need to up another level of guitar skill!

After cell group, I asked some of the members and they said that the Presence of God was there. When I heard that, I was really glad. This was because while I was playing, I was crying deep within my heart, pleading with God to let His Presence be in the cell group.

God is a good God!

God is GOOD ALL the TIME...

ALL the TIME, God IS GOOD!

Earlier on (29 July), during lunch, I was so full that I did not go for lunch but met up with Vincent to play/ practice guitar. I was glad to be able to spend time with such a wonderful brother in Christ. After exchanging some pointers, we actually played and sang at the HDB void deck. I felt the Presence of God there. Awesome! It's actually very cool!!!

God is no respector of man. Whoever calls upon the Name of Jesus, they will be saved. Just need to BELIEVE and CONFESS that HE DIED on the cross, was BURIED and RESURRECTED from the grave and that HE IS ALIVE! That's what Christianity is all about. Simple yet complex. To gain understanding of Christianity does not need one to be a theologian/ rocket scientist to know what Jesus had done for us. He has paid the price for us; for ALL humans! So long as you're a human, Jesus died for you! (Regardless you like it or not)

Whenever the Name of Jesus is high and lifted up. Whenever two or three are gathered together in His Name, He will BE THERE! That's a promise from Him! He is the SAME, YESTERDAY, TODAY AND FOREVER!!!
Glory and Praise be unto the Name of the Lord, Jesus Christ!

After cell group, I felt the Presence of God stronger in my quiet time. It's been so long that I last felt the Presence of God in my room. I felt really refreshed! God is really awesome!

The BEAUTY and GLORY

2005-07-28T16:41:00.000+08:00

God is really awesome! No words can describe the wonderful attributes and nature He posses. Even though when I was unfaithful to Him and have been doing things that hurt Him, He showed grace and mercy to me.

Can you imagine this? I am nothing but a dust in His eyes. Just as what is written in the Bible, He fashioned me the way I am, plans for my life, made me with His own hands etc. It is really an honor to be able to serve Him and to know Him. Just at the mention of His Name (a Name above ALL Name, every knee shall bow and mouth confess that He is Lord forever), demons tremble, sickness are healed and those under bondage are set free!

When I was down, I feel His Presence so close and so real. When I was facing with trials, temptations and challenges, He led me and guided me through it all. When I failed in areas in my life, He gives chances upon chances to help me learn from mistakes. He even trust that I would be the man, He wants me to be. To have the ability to be a problem solver and be an overcomer!

Glory be unto God that He raised so many man to do His will, from the start of time even till now.
I was actually feeling down and felt rejected for the past couple of days but God is so wonderful! He knows that I have been longing to compose songs, to sing of His glory and His love etc... He never fails me. Just in a spans of three days, He gave me the inspiration to write 2 songs! Glory to God!

I am really happy and glad that He never left me nor have forsaken me. Yes, though there are times I fall and drew to other things, but God is the strength of my heart. He will bring me to trials/ challenges/ tribulations but I know that it's not by my own might nor own power! It's by His grace and Holy Spirit that I will be able to OVERCOME!

Pray for me...

2005-07-26T23:54:00.000+08:00

Earlier on today was another busy day. It’s my 4th day I suppose, as a call centre personal. As usual, I fumbled and was very nervous when I picked up calls after calls. There are so many things needed to be done!

Lady Val came to office to look for me to loan my laptop. I brought it there, so that she could use it to surf the net for a job as I felt partly responsible for the loss of her job. Anyway, this “saga” is another which is very interesting…

You see, when I was working with SNP, I actually introduced her to join me after my first month in the company. She was then working with one of the largest telecommunications makers as a customer relation personal. The negative part of her job was this, she had no time to have proper meals and thus, I suggested that she quit her job and join me.

So, after this person by the name of Ho CheeLeong took over as the manager of the department, he interviewed her and she actually got the job! The rest of the story is history.

In short, I felt responsible towards her unemployment and she also felt responsible that I go the boot from SNP; kind of interesting eh?

Anyway, I thought she’s going to be at home doing the sending of resume, thus brought only my laptop and cables, in case the battery flattens. However, I forgot that she had to go out of her home to do it as her mum is not aware of her unemployment. *Sigh*

As a result of not bringing my wireless card, she did not get my laptop, and went off. I guess she must have felt rather angry with me. She walked all the way down to my office and did not manage to get the laptop… It was drizzling too… AWWWW!!! I feel bad!!!

Today’s work really gave me major headache. Jessica told me to lie about a number of things. It all seems good but it’s a lie. A half truth is still a lie. I felt so bad to lie! I think I’ve sinned against God. Instead of me doing it, I told her to help me with it. *bangs head*

I know how Vincent feels now. Knowing something yet not doing it… I’ve sinned against the Omission and Commission. Knowing something, yet not do it. I have let God down. *Frowns*

I feel like wanting to quit the job. If I have to lie and cheat to get things done, I’d rather not do it.

I need to find a way out to get out of this evil trap! I need God’s wisdom and strength to do things.

I’ve met up with a case where a customer just got a product from my company recently but the wireless speakers are not functioning well. This customer requested assistance from me that a technician would go down to his place to check if things are correctly set. After some talks with the customer and the technician, the technician agreed to go down tomorrow.

Really thank God for the favor of men. From what I heard, this particular person is not helpful at all. I guess he looks at different people’s attitude and how each one treats them. So far, I did get a lot of help and assistance from him and his team. I really thank God for it! However, I do pray that they will not sabotage me when they meet the customers. I’m just doing my best for the customers and the company. Other than that, I’d want to do my best to also make the working environment a wonderful place to be in.

At about 10pm plus, I felt pains on my right hips, knee and ankle. This pain numbs my entire right leg and I had to constantly stop by some steps to do some stretching. I really hope that nothing will be wrong with my ankle, knee or hips. If something goes wrong, I might even lose my job!

Unexpected Sunday

2005-07-25T00:10:00.000+08:00

Initiaully I thought it was going to be a fine day for today. Plans were to meet up with Ron, JingJing and Rickson to go cell, after cell group, head down to meet some SOT ex-classmates.

Cell group was supposed to start on 1530hrs and I was supposed to meet up with the rest of the ex-classmates in SOT for a gathering at 1730hrs but... Something happened on the way...

It was afternoon by the time I woke up. (Alright, I know it's late but I need more rest than before. So, I took a longer rest today) Ron called me up and wanted to meet up for cell group. Decided to meet him up at 2pm but I was late.

This was what happened...
I don't know why but my siblings and parents were packing up the entire house. They shifted everything here and there. In the end, my room looked like a storeroom instead of the actual storeroom. I was really pretty unhappy with the fact that they literally threw almost everything into my room. What is this? Come on man! My room ain't any dumping ground! It's where I worship God and where I rest. How could they do this to me?

In the end, I attempted to pack up my entire room and was late to meet up with Ron. I was actually about 30mins late when I met Ron.

However late I was, both Ron and myself were not late. Oh yes! I forgot Rickson had went for make-up cell a couple of days back and that JingJie is not feeling well. In the end, only Ron went with me for cell group.

When we reached John's place, it was about 3pm. Cell was supposed to be at 3:30pm. So I surfed the net for a moment while Ron and John were watching tv programs. (I had a hard time connecting to John's internet as his wireless network was not working well. After sometime of troubleshooting, it was repaired.)

Before the time hit 1530hrs, three other cell members turned up. Awesome! I thought it's going to start on time but when it hit 1530hrs, the rest were still not at John's place.

As the time ticks on, it hit about 1630hrs. Then, slowly, one by one came in and took their own sweet time in getting themselves settled. The "best" was that Derek, CherSiew, Charis and some others were talking amongst themselves while Sister Gillian were practising with ChangChin, the praise and worship.

When time hits about 1730hrs, they were still talking and did not draw near to cell even when Sister Gillian asked them to gather around. It was after sometime that they really settled down and got to Sister Gillian. It's real sickening!!! Seriously, I think they have problems getting orders around. What is this?

From what I've learnt from Bible school, this is not respecting others! What in the world are they doing? Seems to me there's no discipline or respect for fellow members! I'm really put off by these actions.

By the time cell starts, it's already 1800hrs! Gosh!!! it's a wait for a whole 3hours!!! Waste of time and I'm LATE in meeting my SOT ex-classmates.

By the time everything ended, it was about 1900hrs. Sister Gillian asked me to wait for awhile as she wanted to speak to me. Yes, She was spot on when she prayed for me but I am really unhappy with the entire late issue.

Although I was late but I was never that late at all.

Meanwhile, my phone rang and SMSes kept coming in. Phyllis, Simon, Albert and Andy tried to contact me for the SOT outing but they could not reach me. I've let them down... In the end, I was the latest to turn up in the outing.

The entire outing was great even though some of them back out last minute. I enjoyed myself in the outing and was really stuffed up with the wonderful food. Yes, although it was a day with mixed feelings but I enjoyed my week, fellowshipping with SOT mates.

We talked about our days in Bible school etc... Simon mentioned an issue about "missions" and reminded me of someone who... ermm... surprised me when she spoke to me out of the blue. (Yes, I was very glad that she spoke to me and that we are good friends even we don't speak to each other much. She's now a leader.)

Simon asked me if I was interested in her or that she was interested in me. Seriously speaking, if she is to be interested in me, I'd have gone for her! Yes, I was interested and still am interested in her... Just that... She's now a leader while I'm not... =(

Well, I guess God knows wht He is preparing me for... I really and seriously need to reflect on myself and start doing what I am to do... I want to... Start to pressure me to reach up for higher goals... To be a leader! =D

PAIN!!!

2005-07-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

It’s been like two weeks or so that I have this feeling again. It hurts so much and I really don’t want this to happen to me again.

I have been experiencing pains on my right ankle these couple of weeks. Sometimes the pain is so great that I really don’t feel like walking for the moment. How I wish I could just rest my ankle and not walk that much. It just cannot be so… I need to walk around a lot of times in my current job and it was last Saturday that my knees and ankles began to feel sore again.

It was just January that I had an operation on my ankle and I received a miracle healing during March, when Rev Benny was here. It was really great! However, I really pray that the healing which I received will be a permanent one. I don’t want to end up in clutches again. It’s so difficult to walk and so bothersome to have clutches under my armpit...

Do keep me in prayers that I’ll not injure my ankle, especially my right ankle. I have just recovered not too long and I do really want to walk as much as I can. I do not want to end up in clutches again. Never for the rest of my life!!!

This pain on my ankle is around the back of my ankle, right back. I really wonder what’s going on. I do hope to be able to see my specialist soon but the next date will be at around next month. I wonder if I can last that long.

My reflection...

2005-07-17T14:54:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday was very hectic. From the start of work all the way till the end, I was running here and there. Thank God for the help of Corrine, Christina, Vincent and Winnie, if not, things will not have run on well. I guess by the time I get to serve any customer, it would have been too late for me to do anything.

I really thank God that I still have the strength and energy to run to and fro; from counter all the way to the store. Imagine this, no time for breakfast, any drinks no toilet break. If it’s not God who helped, who else? I doubt I could do it by my own strength.

After the crowd cease due to closing, I felt very weary; really tired and fatigue creeps into my being. It’s been after such long time since I felt such weariness. After work, I went on to Serangoon, to meet up with JJ for service.

While on my way there, JJ called up and… He woke me up from my rest. Arrgghhh!!! How I wish that he did not call up. Anyway, I forgive him.

Both JJ and I were supposed to meet up at 3.15pm at the bus-stop at Serangoon but both of us were late. We missed the first bus to Church but managed to get the second wave bus. While waiting, we met up with Rickson, Charis and some other cell members.

I met up with Alvin on the bus. Alvin was my classmate during bible school days, back in 2003. He’s a very good singer whose pitch is very high. I was rather surprised when I knew that HuiPing, my ex-secondary school classmate, is his girlfriend! Wow!!! What can I say? HuiPing is a very sweet girl with great personality while Alvin’s a wonderful guy with great attitude! Another match made by God, in Heaven!

While talking to Alvin, I could sense that either he’s a leader or that he’s going to be a leader soon. After talking to him, he revealed to me that he’s now leading a cell group. I’m really happy for him. Something hit me when he broke the news that he’s now a leader. I remembered what Pastor Meng said before during my days in Bible school back in 2003. He said that many of us in the class will become a leader. I’m sure it’s not by my own memory. I believe God is speaking directly to me…

I still remember what Pastor Joshua told me before our graduation. He prophesied that I would be a cell leader by June but… I guess It’s not because of God’s fault nor the accuracy of his prophesy. It’s my own attitude. I’ve been extremely slacked in my walk and my life!

Yes, I’ve always wanted to be a leader. It’s not a desire just because of the respect or the tag that I’m after. It’s the desire to want to grow people into a man/ woman who love God so much that they will go all out. Be radical and bold for the sake of the gospel. However, I’ve not been one myself.

I’ve been reflecting upon myself after what Alvin told me. I believe it’s a season for me. He told me that in just about 3 months, if I want, I can also be one too.

Come to think of it, yes, I am already trained in the word of God etc… Two years of Bible school. By right, I am should be one but I guess… It all goes down to my own attitude. *sob*

My attitude determines my altitude – A.R Bernard

Everyone have the ability to choose to be a success in life or to be a failure – Rev Kong Hee

Chain of events

2005-07-16T13:31:00.000+08:00

Sorry for not updating my blog for the past couple of days. Had been busy for the past couple of days and as a result, wasn’t able to update as much as I want. Anyway, there wasn’t any much of an updates except that I do feel rather drained and worn out.

Within a period of less than a week, I was able to catch up with the things going on in the company. Initially, I was rather confused and overwhelmed by the crowds and the things needed to do. I’m sure that I’ll be able to catch up, slowly but surely!

Something happened within these days. Actually, Lady V called up. Yes, I admit that I was really happy when she called but I controlled myself so as to prevent myself from being disappointed again.

Sometimes, putting too much hope on something or someone really drains me and disappoints me deeply. I don’t know how things will be. Anyway, I tried to call her earlier on but she did not pick up her phone. I do hope that she’s doing well.

You see, she wasn’t feeling well the past couple of days. Initially, I thought that she was avoiding me. (Am I really that scary??? Oh well, that’s the reason she gave to me. I guess I have to believe her even when I do have some of my doubts.)

Later on at 1430hrs, she’s scheduled for an interview with my company. I really worry about her because she is still not feeling well. I hope and pray that she’s going to be fine and that God will heal her. Yes, of course I’d want her to get the job with the company but the rest is up to her.

When I was on my way to work, I was reading some of the devotions Pastor Kong wrote. It was indeed a blessing to me - "Prayer changes nations". When I was reading the devotion prepared by Pastor Kong, I was reminded of how he prayed and how he hungry and thirst for God for a revival in Singapore.

In remembered how Pastor Kong and those pioneers shared on what happened and how things went on through prayers. How City Harvest started from a humble beginning to what it is today. It’s not by luck at all. It’s all through prayers, fasting and a lot of hard work. Things never fall into place just like that. Everything happens through careful planning, not what others say as sheer luck. Craps!

Anyway, Lady V turned up for the interview. I hope she'll get the job. Don't know why, just seems that she's hiding something from me. Just couldn't figure out what. Anyway, I do hope that she'll get the job.

After the entire interview, I asked Vincent about the chances of Lady V getting the job. It seems that it's very possible but it'll be a different job scope from mine.

During cell, Lady V called me thrice. Actually was wondering what was going on. (Seems to me that she'll look for me ONLY when she's IN NEED of HELP!) Anyway, shall not judge her this way. Guess she might not be even interested in being friends at all. (Yes, I am those sensitive person and I do not wish to impose myself upon anyone at all)

Oh well, why do I get these impressions? Simple! She called me up to tell me that she's been offered another job with SPH. She just want better money, what lame excuses to say that she wants to work together with me. Seriously, I'm speechless and have really given up on this person. Regardless whoever she'll be... Even as a friend, I've given up on her. No point having friends who does not even treats me as one...

If she ever reads what I've recorded, I've one thing to say to her. Val, I'm disappointed in you. Rather, I think I've placed too much of a hope or expectations from you.

Excellent wedding!!!

2005-07-10T01:33:00.000+08:00

The entire wedding ceremony was a unique yet classy wedding. From the start of the reception, praise and worship, wedding ceremony, the marching in of the bride, to the photo takings, to the speech and all the way till the end, was awesome.

I’m really glad and happy for such a wonderful brother as bro Colin. He really prayed his heart and soul out for the entire wedding. Of course, just by prayers, it’s not really enough. He’s put in a lot of hard work to prepare the entire wedding.

In his wedding, I was touched by a couple of things and also amazed by the standard he placed in his wedding. It’s filled with CLASS and with a Spirit of EXCELLENCE! The courage he has is really amazing. How many grooms would be courageous enough to sing in the march in? How many in the world would dare to sing when they do not have good vocals and tone deaf? (I am not disrespecting him but I really admire his courage and that through hard work and practices, he’s perfected what he’s yearning; to sing with great voice!)

Pastor Meng preached about the 4 A’s in a marriage:
1. Acceptance
2. Attention (Spelt as LOVE)
3. Appreciate
4. Affection

After the preaching of the word, both Bro Colin and WaiWai exchanged rings and everyone appalled for the newly-weds.

Shortly after the ceremony ended, everyone proceeded to the reception to enjoy some finest French cuisine. It must have cost a bomb! The service of the reception was high class and the place was really cool! (The wedding reception was held at the Old Parliament house)

As the wedding comes to a close, both Bro Colin and WaiWai gave a speech which really touched my heart. They have been praying for a wife and husband respectively and finally, they got together. Although the time they knew each other was barely 2years, yet, they knew that they were made for one another. They got to know each other during January 2004 but got together in June 2004. Then Bro Colin proposed to her in August 2004 and she agreed to the proposal! Isn’t it wonderful? Almost all who heard what they went through and how they got together were touched in their hearts.

Both of them shared on how God moved in their lives and how God answered each other’s prayer by giving them to one another. In my eyes, they are a perfect couple! I don’t care nor do I want to know what others think. I just know that both of them pleased God and thus got each other in this marriage.

Although I do not know what will happen in the future but I really believe that their marriage will be a blessed one and that nothing on earth will stop them from being together!

The entire wedding was filled with the Presence of God and it was like a soothing and sweet sacrifice unto God. I know and I know… that this wedding is made by God!

After the wedding, both Bro Colin and WaiWai went on a photo shoot spree! They seem to be enjoy each other’s company. Bro Colin's parents looks very happy and as they drove me home together, I could sense that they felt relieved!

Glory to God!

I'm so ASHAMED!!!

2005-07-09T21:02:00.000+08:00

I'm so ashamed of myself. To see the fire of God, burning so deeply upon the lives of the people around me... Yet, I'm not burning as much as they are. I feel so bad and how I wish... HOW I WISH to be LIKE THEM!!! I want to be so much on FIRE for God. I want to love HIM so MUCH MORE!!! I'm tearing and crying... I feel so lousy! What kind of person I am? I call myself a bible school graduate? BAH!!! I am NOT WORTHY to be one!

Yes, I am not... People around me, seems to be more Spiritual than me. They seem to have the X factor in them yet... I've none of it. Have I really lost it all? My heart and soul is crying out loud! I need more of the Presence of God. I need to love Him more! I WANT TO LOVE God MORE!!!

Up till now... I still remembered what Pastor Kong shared during today's sermon. After hearing the sermon, I was stirred. I feel so much hungrier for God.

I don’t know how, nor do I know why… Somehow, God cause someone from Czech Republic to speak into my life and to encourage me and to help me walk in God’s ways.

Below, is a conversation between Martina and me:

JIM (12:52 AM) : So, you are in Jesus´ ministries now.

JIM (12:53 AM) : Soldier of Jesus Christ.

Me (12:55 AM) : yes! hehehe... it's really an honor to be called into the House of God... :-)

Me (12:55 AM) : what do you do for a living?

JIM (12:58 AM) : Great honor. I´m so glad Jesus set me free. Do you mean "for a living" as what job I have ...?:-[

Me (12:59 AM) : yes.. that's what I mean...

JIM (01:01 AM) : Thanks. I´m an emloyee of the firm, that sells wheels and castors and transport carts.

Me (01:01 AM) : wow.... awesome... :-)

JIM (01:04 AM) : I live with my grandmother, and more of my time I´m with God´s people or studying Bible, worshiping God ...

Me (01:04 AM) : cool!! Godly woman of God!

Me (01:04 AM) : I feel so ashamed of myself.

Me (01:05 AM) : I'm a bible school graduate yet... I'm so lazy and slack on God's words and did not worship Him as much as you... How can I ask for a Godly wife???? :-(

JIM (01:10 AM) : Don’t be ashamed. My life could be to be more depend on God. You know, when I was saved, I spoke with God about my future husband. And I told Him: Don’t give me a husband before my life will be established on You. I’m still single. But I have no problem with this situation.... Sometimes I have.:-)

Me (01:11 AM) : You don't understand... I'm crying out... but... I don't know how... I'm really lost...

Me (01:15 AM) : I thank God for u

Me (01:15 AM) : U are a blessing to my life

Me (01:16 AM) : the fire.. and passion you have for God... really stirred me up...

JIM (01:17 AM) : Could I help you? U know, I know you few minutes. Tell me, please.:-)

Me (01:19 AM) : I felt so lost and hungry for God for the past couple of weeks... I wanted to cry out for more of God... yet... I was so BLIND! So bling to not to see that God is telling me that the person whom I liked... is rejecting me... yet... I was so crazy as to "worship" her more than I want of God

Me (01:21 AM) : I actually saw a flash strip on the internet about that but I was so blind and so insensitive to God... today, after what Pastor Kong preached... I wanted to come home to do some worship... yet... I was talking to friends and singing...

Me (01:21 AM) : after you came on... telling me how you felt and how blessed you were... and how you'd spend time worshipping God...

Me (01:21 AM) : I dont know how or what... something hit my heart...

Me (01:22 AM) : I really am so... ashamed of myself...

Me (01:23 AM) : after so long.... I've finally been able to cry...

Me (01:23 AM) : I felt so... broken...

JIM (01:29 AM) : You know, Jesus loves you so much. And Father´s heart cry out for you: Come to me, my son, I love you, don´t be ashamed, I want to clean you by the blood of Jesus. Come to my arms. I´m waiting for you. Come, run into my arms.

Me (01:32 AM) : how do I run? I dont know how to come in or out of God... I feel so childish and so... unworthy of God... I love Him... I've hurt God too. The same mouth and body that said "I love God" sinned and hurt God so much...

Me (01:32 AM) : I want to love God so much more. I want to do so much more for God... but... I feel so lost... so uncertain... about my own life... Yes, I know God... but I want to experience Him more... want more encounters with God...

Me(01:32 AM) : I'm so sick and tired of myself... I've had enough... I've come to a certain point that... I hate myself... for being such double headed person...

Me (01:33 AM) : yet I know... God loves me... I don't deserve it but God still gives His love...

Me (01:35 AM) : how I long... long to be serving God... to burn for God... to run the entire race... My heart n soul cries out to God... I need God and want God... More of His presence... More encounters with God... yet... I'm so lazy

At that very moment, I felt the Presence of God. It was so real. So awesome, so great and wonderful! I really thank God for assuring me and helping me even when I was down and felt so far. Truly, God is faithful and just! When we feel far and want His Presence, when we call upon His name, He will hear from heaven and give the help we need.

While chatting with Martina on ICQ, I was browsing Kevin’s site and found Galvin’s site and went to see what’s inside. When I log into the site, I was greeted by his composition. The song which he composed himself is really awesome and good. I like it! The song ministered to me and I felt another deep cry from within my heart; this cry yearns and hungers for God. It also wants God to move and change my entire lifestyle and old mindset

I really thank God for His faithfulness and greatness. He is really a God of His word. Worthy to be TRUSTED!!! GLORY TO GOD!

I'll get KNOCKED down...

2005-07-07T22:54:00.000+08:00

Well... After the series of events which happened to me for the last couple of days, I seriously almost got into depression. I'm not sure why but WeiMay came into my mind when I was talking to one of my IRC friend.

WeiMay, if you ever read this blog, I really want to thank you for being such a wonderful friend to me. When I was down and out last year, you stood by me and gave me support. You'll always be in my mind no matter where you are. I do miss you but I know that you're in Australia to futher your studies. I'd be praying for you, always.

I'm very gald and thankful towards God for giving me friends when I'm down. He is always there for me. Yup! Just when I was down, He reminded me of the flash clips which I referred to in my previous entry and I was greatly encouraged!

God is really true and faithful! He is my help in times of need. When I was down, He's there for me and to support me, without me knowing.

Sometimes I really marvel upon what our mind thinks. We may think that everything's over. All is gone. We may think that so-and-so sinned against God therefore lost this and that. God is no longer with so-and-so etc... We get so engrossed with our "pity-party" that we forgot about Someone Who is Great and MIGHTY! Someone who Created all Heavens and Earth. We neglected Him the most but He is always faithful and just towards us! He's been looking after us no matter what we did in our lives which hurt Him.

God is really GREAT! He is really wonder. Just when I thought things are falling... He turned things around for me. Yes, He TURNED MY MOURNINGS INTO DANCING!!! Indeed He is GREAT AND WONDERFUL!

Remember that I said I was terminated from SNP as a customer service executive? Well, I really thank God that I left that place because I don't want to feel so grieved and so aweful during my stay there. Especially after that CheeLeong took over that department. I've nothing against him now that it's all gone. I forgive him and if I ever meet him again, I'd thank him!

My dearest brothers, sisters in Christ and friends, I really thank you for all your prayers and for standing by my side when I was down. God is really faithful and just. The effective prayer of a righteous person avails MUCH to God. God have answered our prayers!!! I have found a job!!!

A miracle, right? Who would have thought what God have in plan for me? Who would have known what God wills for me but Himself? He provided me with another job!!! Glory to Him!!!

Though the pay is not as good as what SNP paid me but they are better than SNP because SNP don't pay overtime pay. While the company which I'll work at, WILL pay overtime pay! Which is very good! (A labourer is worthy of his wages)

Anyay, yes, I'll get knocked down by those who wants me to go down but my God WILL HELP in times of NEED! Who would have guessed? That God will deliever me out of the situation so fast? Within three days!!! I'll be working at a totally new place tomorrow. Best of all... I'll be working with my buddy! Fellow bible school classmate!!! Together... we will FIGHT A GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH!!!

GLORY TO GOD MOST HIGH!!!

Yes, I'll get knocked down... BUT I GET UP AGAIN, STRONGER and BETTER!!!

Thoughts...

2005-07-06T21:35:00.000+08:00

Well, I guess God is by my side no matter what happens. Good people do suffer bad things. It's just like a good driver also will experience some problems when driving.

I really thank God for comforting me when I was down. Especially yesterday. Just when I thought I was all alone, I came across a site which I've been wanting to go but forget the URL for the site. It has been a long time since I went to the site to see the things presented. When I saw the clips, I was greatly encouraged.

This person who created these flash is really good. I'd say that he's really a blessing to alot of people!

Realization of reality

2005-07-05T17:51:00.000+08:00

Finally, I know why I felt so grieved and terrible. The news broke to me by CheeLeong that I've been terminted. Well, what can I say? Only that the reason that they gave was real dumb. Saying that I am not performing in the company. I mean, please man! I am only there for about a month and am still learning. What craps and rubbish is that?

I realized something. When you're without position, and you try to reason things, they will never listen. That's what been proven to me today. So, I just let them be. As long as they are happy and glad about it. The vengence does not belong to me, it belongs to God now.

I realized something else. When you're down and people knows it, they just say a few words and that's it. Even when you're interested in that person, the person will show if he/she is interested in you by reacting to you. (Maybe I am being negative and subjective about it)

Anyway, I cannot blame anyone. Kind of discouraged and although I thought I was alone, I wasn't. God have been with me all these while. He's been comforting and guiding my paths. Most importantly, when my "friends" and people whom I cared for, did not come to comfort me or come and talk to me, it's ok. I still have God who will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.

After blogging these, some might even laugh and gloat over what's happened to me. I know it's hard to come to the fact that I have been terminted by SNP but one thing I know. That I will still bless God and will still love Him all the more. For the world meant evil for me, but God meant GOOD for me!

Like it's been written "ALL things works together for the GOOD for those who LOVES HIM"

Who knows, though I've been terminated but God is preparing a wonderful job on the way??

Leading a Christian lifestyle!

2005-07-04T21:44:00.000+08:00

Someone said before "If you want to have an easy life, NEVER be a Christian! Being a Christian is not an easy life!" I do fully agree with what this anonymous person who said this sentence. Indeed, leading a life as a Christian is really hard. There are so many things a Christian cannot do compared to what others in the world can do.

For example, A Christian cannot lie, cheat, steal, and commit adultery, gossip etc… While a non-Christian can do all those mentioned above.

Yes, indeed, we are humans too. Yes, we experience things any ordinary humans would go through. Things like temptations, anger, greed, immoral thoughts etc… These are things EVERYONE in the world will experience. I was asked, "Why resist? Are you not a mere human? Just do it! It’s normal anyway! Are you a gay or not?"

When I heard these, I was rather agitated with these questions. Please know this, I am not angry with the person who asked me these questions but the spirit behind this person. It’s not from heaven, I’m sure about it!

Yes, I am a human. I am never gay and will never be one, now or forever! Yes, I am in this world but I am not of this world. I am born again! I am a Child of God! Bible says that I am to be Holy for He is Holy. Yes, this is one of the many temptations we, as Christians, have to face in our lives. What’s being a Christian without carrying the cross? The cross that so cruelly crucified Jesus more than 2000years ago, is it all in vain? What’s Christianity without crucifying oneself of the flesh?

Yes, those thing people enjoy, feel good and indeed are a pleasure to our flesh. However, being CLOSE to God is FAR MORE BETTER and MORE PLEASURABLE! It’s beyond one's wildest imagination!

Although there are Commandments in the bible that restricts us from doing certain acts/ things but it is for our very own good. Likewise, is the law in our country bad? IE: You shall not steal/ you shall not kill. Is it bad? NO WAY! It’s a way to protect us from facing death!

Another example:
Why would traffic police have traffic rules/ regulations? This is also to protect us. To keep us from getting harm and from dying prematurely!

I am rather bothered by something, which seem so common among the younger generations. Things like lying, violence, gangs, sex etc… I mean, these are wrong values! Who am I to judge? I don’t, that’s what the bible says, it’s wrong!

Nowadays, young people go into relationships and as a result of the relationships, most of them had sex! If they went into a relationship and did not manage to have sex, they would be laughed at! What in the world is this? This is really stupid and dumb! It’s really demonic, I should say!

If someone loves another, they will NEVER FORCE the person or ask the person to have sex with him/ her. They WILL RESPECT each other and will WAIT till marriage. Old fashioned? Yea… I guess I am BUT what if you get aids? What if you get (others/ yourself) pregnant? Will you be responsible? Are you able to take up such responsibility? What if the person is USING you as a TOOL to please him/ herself? After "using" you, these people will either leave you or use you till they have found another person to have sex with. So? (If you love someone or someone loves you, they WILL RESPECT you!)

Like I said, yes, being a Christian is indeed difficult. The teachings in the bible might be written thousand of years back BUT we are still humans! We still have feelings, still have needs in life. Whoever said we are the product of time and that we evolved from monkeys, ought to see if they still see monkeys loving or creating arts/ music/ have a sense of beauty etc… Get what I mean?

Although there are many things, which Christians cannot do and it’s tough living as a Christian, it’s to protect us from getting harm. Protect us from all those needless dangers we face. It’s a much safer life too!

Christian life is never boring too! Yes, we have to go Church every weekend, attend cell group etc… It’s to help us get to know more about God and to help us learn to be better as day goes. It’s to know what’s our purpose in life and why are we on earth for etc. We can encounter God, know what He likes and how is He like etc.

Therefore, in conclusion:
Although there are many things we cannot do, it’s for our very own benefit. It’s not to kill our joy/ fun. God wants us to have healthy fun and real joy. A joy from heaven and peace which NO ONE could give! Therefore, if I am smart, I’d take God than the sins of the world which FADES away…

Devotion

2005-07-04T19:53:00.000+08:00

After reading the devotions Pastor Kong wrote for the month of July 1st, I felt like wanting to punish myself for something, which I did/ said in the past...

Matthew 12: 34
"For out of abundance of the heart the mouth speaks"
I need to reflect upon a couple of areas in my life… IE: My thought life, what my heart thinks, what my mind entertains etc… I must guard my heart with diligence!

Moses was barred from entering the Promised Land just because of one sentence he spoke.
*Thinks about things said in the past couple of days".*

Must really give it serious thoughts... But I need to find out why is God so grieved and why am I feeling the same way...

I feel so uneasy!!!

2005-07-04T19:23:00.000+08:00

Arrgghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THIS HAPPENING???

Feeling so terrible right now. I felt the same way I felt last week Friday. I feel very grieved and bottled up. I can’t describe what or how I am feeling right now but I really feel very troubled.

I can’t seem to phantom what’s going on or what is to come. I feel rather down and unhappy yet I do not know what is really going on within me. How I wish I know what’s going on and find a solution to it.

I feel so restless and so tight up within me yet I’m frustrated, as I am unable to find an explanation or a reason to this feeling.

I’m working right now. How I wish I am in Church or am at home, so that I could concentrate on praying to God.

What I really want...

2005-07-03T02:44:00.000+08:00

Finally, I remembered the song which will sing, when I find my future girlfriend aka wife to be... I'm sure, if I were to sing this song to her on my wedding day, she's be moved to tears... (I feel that this is a love song... Anyway, I might not completely know what it means but I just really want someone who will standby me, regardless of the situations/ circumstances and someone who will encourage/ love me with her all... I hope that this song will touch her life...)

This song's by Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand
Aaaahhhhh....

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sickIn a case like this
I’ll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

My God SHALL SUPPLY

2005-07-01T16:22:00.000+08:00

Encountered with something rather ironic today. First, after the entire change of management saga, my new manager told me that if I have anything request/ problems etc, do refer back to him yesterday. I was encouraged and thus sent an email to him requesting to help me get a rise in my pay but… I do not know if I ought to say it’s expectation or disappointment but its facts that he turned me down face on. What craps about wanting to help me when I needed financial assistance?

I’d be lying if I said I’m not disappointed but I guess that’s the way when you see someone’s heart and what kind of person one is when they say something yet not do anything about it.
I’m being… judgmental?

I feel so silly and so sad that I’m under-paid yet I am giving all out to the company. Should I retract my efforts and give lesser?

Attitude determines altitude?

Yes I agree… I guess I’ve to bear with the current moments before I do anything. I think I’ll still go on and work as hard as I can and give all out to do what’s needed to be done. I’m here to shine for God and God is a good God. He will never short-change me nor are His hands too short that He will not intervene into this matter.
Sometime back, I heard someone in Church being an office boy and about 10years later, this certain person was promoted to the CEO of the company and the company also compensated that person the amount of money which they short-changed this person for years!!!

I’ll put my trust in God. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He is by my side and will not let me be short-changed because He said in His word "a laborer is worthy of his wages"

God WILL Vindicate Me! I trust God in that! All things work together FOR THE GOOD, to those who LOVE Him. My God SHALL SUPPLY ALL MY NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES AND GLORY!

Is it true?

2005-06-30T23:29:00.000+08:00

That the more you treasure someone, the more you're bound to lose that someone? Is it also true that the more you want things to happen, things don't happen? Is it also true that when you'e interested in someone, they will never appreciate or even put you into their mind at all?

It seems so to me that way. I've been giving attention to someone these days but sad to say, nothing is happening. Maybe she's just simply too busy or is not interested in me.

*Sad*
*Looks at own blog*

No one's leaving messages or encouragements or that they are just reading for fun... Or that... I'm just plain boring?

*Looks at own blog again* Not much of pictures...

Sigh...

Maybe I am bothering her too much...

How to know I am interested/like in someone?
Simple... When I begin to call them up often...
Send SMSes to them
Keep asking them out
Enjoying their company
Being very patient with them etc...

Is it also true that I am naive?
I believe so... =(

My first...

2005-06-30T22:58:00.000+08:00

WOW!!! *Jumps up and down* I’m so glad that I’ve finally gotten my first cheque for my first full time job! This is also the first time I’m issued an amount which pays me more than S$1k for my wages. I really thank God that I’ve gotten this job which I enjoy working at. When I look at the cheque, I was happy but rather troubled as well…

I must be very wise in dealing with the money. I’ve got lots of things to pay but am unable to settle it once and for all. How I wish that I could pay off my debts and be debt free. This has been a longing deep within my heart! To be free from financial debts and be free.

As I look upon the things that I need to assume responsibilities over after working, I realized that money, indeed, is hard to earn. Income must either be proportional or more than the expenses. Careful and serious planning must be made so that I will not fall into debts again.

Suddenly, bills begin to flock into my mind. Tithing, offerings, Church building fund, handphone, Internet, insurance, transport, meals, savings, contribute to my parents etc… Got to know and learn how to spend wisely. I cannot afford to spend like before. IE: on jersey, taxi etc…

On the surface, it seems that I won’t have enough much for savings and for food/ transport. However, what I can do is to pray that God will multiply the finances He’s placed into my hands. Just as what Jesus did when He feed the 5000 with five loaves and two fish. I trust God will help me and guide me in my expenditures.

Changing of management...

2005-06-30T14:55:00.000+08:00

Just when I stepped into my manager’s office, I was rather amazed when she asked me to take a seat and talked to me. I thought I did some serious damages to the company when handling some work when she wanted to talk to me.

After asking me how I feel about the new job I’m placed in, she reintroduced the kind of jobs that I am to handle and the role that I am to play. Indeed, this job doesn’t sound easy nor is easy to cope with. On one hand, I have to play as a customer service personal. Next, I got to deal with the out-worker, do planning and etc… It’s not an easy task. Although it is not easy, I am not going to be daunted by the magnitude of the task. When I focus upon Jesus, things will slowly fall in place and that He will empower me to overcome these tasks.

After meeting with the "ex-manager", my "new" manager from another department asked me to follow him to his office and talked to me. He terms it as a "get-to-know-you" session. I spent quite a fair bit of time there with him talking about work, as I am relatively new to the job.

When I returned to my "base", Isabel asked me what happened and why I took such a long time in the manager’s office. Shortly after that, she said that she’s sad that whatever the previous manager had done, its not recognized and that she feels sad to be under another manager as the previous manager is a very nice person. She’s a very nice and caring lady I must say! She’s Godly, fair and defends us very much.

I understand what Isabel meant. I know where she’s coming from and all I could say to her was this verse when she shared with me about how she felt. That "All things works together for the good, to those who loves God".
What I can say is that prayer works! When we begin to pray, things will happen. I believe that if we pray for the previous manager to leading us, I’m sure this will come to pass. Things will begin to happen! I know that because God has proved Himself to be Faithful and Just to those who calls upon His name.

Revealed

2005-06-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

Have been asking myself this question... What kind of person do I want? As in, what kind of a girl do I want for a girlfriend/ lifetime partner...

What I can gather are these:
Someone whom I can click with, someone who will put God first, me second, family third and jobs fourth... Someone who can share her heart while I listen and she listens while I share.. Someone who is willing to give attention to me, love me, Spiritual, generous, talks to me about God, share with me what she learns from the bible, what she encounter, prays together with me, loves to pray, loves to read bible, motivates me, gentle, encourager, pure, wise, sharp, honest with me, frank, loves to sing, good writer/ loves to read, someone who honors parents, classy, elegant, presentable, determined, hardworking, willing to go through thin and thick together with me and last but not least someone after the heart of God. Someone who will be willing to go missions with me one day...

I do not know if I have found her but I do sincerely want to pray for this special one to appear in my life...

Reflections...

2005-06-28T10:13:00.000+08:00

YOU HAVE MADE ME GLAD
OH YOU HAVE MADE ME GLAD
HEAVEN NOW IS OPEN FOR ME
HOW COULD I BE SAD?

YOU HAVE MADE ME GLAD OH
YOU HAVE MADE ME GLAD
WITH ALL OF MY HEART
I GIVE YOU MY PRAISE
YOU HAVE MADE ME GLAD

YOU BROUGHT ME FROM THE DARKNESS
LORD INTO YOUR LIGHT
YOU TOOK ME TO YOUR KINGDOM
AND YOU GAVE MY EYES THEIR SIGHT

YOU FILLED MY HEART WITH GLADNESS
GAVE ME A NEW SONG
AND I WILL THANK YOU LORD
I WILL PRAISE YOU ALL DAY LONG
I WILL PRAISE YOU ALL DAY LONG

I read some articles written by some bloggers in the net yesterday. I was kind of like amazed with the kind of language and the way which they expresses themselves. How I wish I could express myself as well as they did.

I’m not giving myself any discounts. How I just wish to be just as knowledgeable and eloquent as they are. Although their contents were kind of like rants and complains but they were written in a colorful yet fun ways. Something which I would not be able to write even though I might tell a joke but it’s not gonna be as funny as how they expressed themselves.

Bloggers like the SPG and XiaXue are people I ought to learn from. (Not the vulgarities or the way they talk about each other but it’s the way they so freely express themselves.) I find that barrier for myself to be able to express myself clearly. I guess… that’s the major concern for myself. I simply cannot get through any messages to a person without causing misunderstandings. (I’m not looking for troubles, k?) Maybe it’s the personality and the character, which makes me who and what I am. I do not hate myself, as I’m unique in my own ways and rights.

Anyway, I am really amazed with the kind of exposures they have. Maybe I am really a mountain tortoise; one who’s not so exposed. Call me naïve or innocent or even gullible. I guess I’ll fall into traps or tricks easier than these two girls. Besides that, I lack that creativity and eloquence, which makes me somewhat a "stuck-up" as I seldom, talk much. However, when I start to talk on topics, which I do not know, I feel dumb and lame. Sigh…

Wow… I guess I’m focusing on the negative side of myself today; comparing to SPG and Xiaxue. Between the two, I guess I enjoy more of Xiaxue’s way of writing. She sounds bubbly and seems to be enjoying life! (Not that I am not enjoying life but it’s a different level altogether, not that I am living in a lower level compared to her but that I feel I lack the exposures of life).
Another thing that I now realized is that they are more organized in their thoughts compared to me. *Knocks head against wall* I want to be more organized but I guess it’s the chain of thoughts I need to work on to be better.

Things are just coming to my mind… Was just speaking to Isabel about handwritings and how we can see a person’s character via handwritings. I start to wonder and analyze my very own handwritings. Guess what do I see myself in my handwritings? Guess… Hahaha… Should I expose myself here? Who cares? I mean, it’s strength to admit about the things about myself.

I like to write in upper casing and tend to keep it at a uniform height. What I feel is that I am very direct, keep things in order, straightforward, like things to be perfect etc… What other people think about me when I write is that, I’m faithful!
What do you think? It’s all up to you to think and comment. Anyway, I cannot force anyone to like me but can make everyone to hate me. However, who likes to be hated? I certainly do not…

What changes do I want to see myself in the period of July till December 2005?

I want to:
1. grow up to be a better man to the best knowledge I know how
2. be able to motivate the younger ones in cell to study harder and be on fire for God
3. rise up to be a good example to the rest of my cell group members, family members, colleagues and friends (Both internet and real life friends)
4. excel in my work – (being able to perform all task given to me and doing it with excellence)
5. be more faithful in the tasks given, not only to complete it but doing it well
6. have a more positive attitude in life
7. be more exposed in the events of the world; not to be out of touch with the world
8. have more friends than hi and bye friends
9. able to fulfill every single cent committed to building fund
10. see my weight reducing as day goes – By end December 2005; 65kg

These are the things I can think of at the moment. Nevertheless, what is the thing I want to attain most in this period of my life, rather, my life time goal is to be more Spiritual, Wiser and even more Discerning all the days of my life. Also, not forgetting to love God more and more each day!!! Of course, for this to happen, I must never forget that Jesus MUST BE THE CENTRE OF FOCUS and ATTENTION of my life!!!

My little short story

2005-06-28T00:40:00.000+08:00

I hope the things that I've gone through these couple of days will no longer come back to me anymore. These are the days where I find myself dangerously living between Heaven and Hell. Yes I was depressed. Yes I felt tortured emotionally. Yes I felt very dry and very helpless but one thing I really have to admit is that God is always by my side regardless of the situations I am in.

For some strange reasons, God allowed me to go through the things I went through and as I was reading the Bible today, I realized something too. King David, one whom God says that is after God's own heart, fell down so many a times but one thing never changed. His undying love and passion for God's presence.

I realized that I need to really grow up and rise up more. I cannot be in my depressing mode while NO ONE is giving me any attentions except Him alone.

With Lady Val:
Yes, I do admit that she's one girl whom I've been looking for all these while but somehow, for unknown reasons, I've been ignored or rather been forgotten by her.

I really thank God for these couple of days, letting me go into the "Wilderness". It's a time where He showed Himself true and real to me. Through many friends, He showed me and reminded me of the things I've once learnt. IE: Things to look out for in a life time partner, Guarding of our heart, Finances, What's in the world, How to deal with disappointments etc...

One important truths about relationship of any degree is this. It always takes two to Tango. If one dances alone all the time, the one will get tired and gets overly strained.

(Informations about myself)
I am a person who gives up rather easily. Even when I want to be with someone, I'll try so hard but in the end, things will not work out the way I wanted it to be. As determined as I am, I am unable to do anything without any supports or without any replies. Just like a soilder who's on a gungho mentailty in a battle field yet the enemies did not engage you on for months. The next thing is to know that the soilder's moral is going to get a huge blow and will lose the will to fight.

Tha's what I am feeling right now. Though I have told her plainly that I like her; she responded to my SMSs calls (but not everyone as she's rather busy) I do not know how she thinks at all. Maybe I'm such a BLOCKHEAD!!! *Sob sob*

Maybe I am just thinking too much on my part. It might have been a wishful thing on my part too. To wish that she'll one day be the one whom I'll be with... I would want to be with her but I guess... Maybe... she's... just... not... the... one...

All is not lost. I will never take any setbacks at all. I'll turn all my setbacks into my comebacks. I must be strong. I must get up again and not be afraid of falling at all. I've my God to strengthen me and I know that the promise of God is always true. That those who trust in God will never be ashamed!

2005-06-23T21:15:00.000+08:00

Sometime back, I've heard a song which was rather nice but did not know what song it was. Anyway, it's been sometime since I've heard the song and today, I've heard the song again and found the lyrics. The song's sang by Hoobastank, named The Reason.

I found that the song is rather nice and I do not know why but I kind of get addicted to the song. Deep within, I felt that I am like that...

Here is the lyrics:

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Silly me

2005-06-22T16:46:00.000+08:00

I'm lost for words about the things I've said about myself in the earlier post...

The Presence of God have always been with me all these while, just that I am not being sensitive enough to feel His presence. Woke up at around 9am and began to worship God at 9:30am onwards till about 10:30am. Had a wonderful time singing and worshipping God. Though there were times where I stopped for an instance or two due to the change of songs but it was great. Being in the hands of Father God is so great. I mean this feeling's beyond words. I felt so warm and so loved. Just as if I am the prodigal son whom Jesus quoted in one of His parables...

Although I did not leave God physically but I did really felt very lost and am really afraid of losing the Presence of God. The Presence of God is so much more important and precious compare to everything on earth. I do not know how or what but in as much as I can, I'll never want to leave the Presence of God.

Certainly, one day in the House of God is better than anywhere else on earth. This was said by Psalmist David!

Now, I feel more peaceful and clam, compared to what happened yesterday.

There are still some unresolved stuffs within me. IE: My students, ministry & Relationship

I'll not deal with other problems yet but one thing I'd like to say in the area of me finding a girlfriend. Well, the thing is that I've found someone but I really need time to see if she's really the one. In as much as I want, I do hope to be able to jump into a relationship with her right now but I do not want history to repeat itself. I do hope to be able to get to know more better as well as to spend more time with her as a friend now. I'd like to be her friend/ best friend first before anything's done. So, we'll see how things will go on... Nevertheless, if you've been reading about me, do keep me in prayers that (either) she'll be the one or that I'll be able to gfind one soon... Meanwhile... Cheers...

My thoughts... unfolds...

2005-06-21T21:13:00.000+08:00

I am not sure why I am feeling this way but I do really feel rather empty and lost inside my heart of hearts. My soul cries out for God but I guess I’ve let Him down too many a times. I felt that He’s ignoring me.

I’ve played songs after songs but there was no presence of God. I read the word of God and felt waves of His love flowing out unto me. I could feel something on my face… Sort of like a covering or something upon my face. It felt refreshing.

Although Valerie did call me but I somewhat felt uneasy even now. I believe I needed God more and more each day. I thirst and hunger for more of Him. I am just really so ever thirsty for more of His love and presence. How I wish, I am in Church, worshipping God or even at the comfort of my home, loving Him, playing guitar, just for Him!

I feel like crying but I can’t. I want to feel His presence but I can’t. I really am at a lost. Something within my heart is panicking. I am worried if I did lose Him. Did God abandon me?

I have so much things I want to tell God. How much I love Him. How much I need Him, how much I want to see Him face to face. My soul cries out for His presence. I just want more of Him in my life everyday.

How I wish I am able to express my love for God through my actions. Through everything that I do but I keep falling into temptations. I felt I’ve let Him down and unworthy of His love and mercy. I am feeling like a big time sinner in the face of God. I dare not face Him heads on but I still love Him. I am somewhat contradicting myself. One moment I say I love God, however, the next thing I do is to sin against Him.

I feel so useless and so tired. I hate myself for being like that. I really do not want to be the same. What can I do? How can I get rid of the struggle and be free? I am sick and tired of this struggle with the flesh. I do not want to sin against God. For it is written, "If you love me, keep my Commandments". I find it hard and I really need the grace, mercy and touch of God to break away from this bondage.

My soul cries out for more of God. I really desire to stay pure and holy. Whenever I hear/ read about the Book of Revelations, I fear. I fear God… I fear being rejected by God and being cast away by Him, into the lake of eternal fire.

Father God in heaven, I come before You today. Just as I am. I humble myself and seek for Your forgiveness and Your grace. I need Your grace and mercy in my life. Above all, I need Your touch. Just that touch which changed the lives of Apostle Paul and various great men who lived and died for You, is what I need. I need a change of heart and a change of mind. Help me renew my mind with Your word. Help me to think, speak, act and be more and more like You.

Lord, You said in Your Word in Genesis that man are created in the likeness of Your image and likeness. Help me to be the man whom You’ve desired me to be. Help me to get into the destiny You have planned for my life.

Create in me a brand-new heart today; a heart which WILL follow HARD after You. Help me to be obedient and give me the ability to discipline my body. Let my heart never grow cold from disappointments, discouragement, failures and standards I have placed upon myself. Help me to be an OVERCOMER in Jesus’ Name I pray.

Holy Spirit, I surrender myself to You today. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. Help me to have a change of mind and heart. I ask all these in Jesus’ name, Amen!!!

Heart grows cold... forbid it!

2005-06-19T17:37:00.000+08:00

Yes, I am feeling a little cold in heart. A little disappointed in things that I am looking and hoping for... IE: Relationships... Also am feeling a little kind of empty within... I want to write and even sing, yet I lost the ability to sing out and to compose...

I notice something about myself... Whenever I am glad, I would have the ability to write songs.. At times, when I am sad, I would have more ability to write songs compared to the "normal" times I have.

Ok, shall not go off track this time... Oh yes, I am feeling cold in my heart cause maybe I expect things too much or that whatever I had in the past was way too fast. Or that standard I want is way too high? Or I have met with things which falls below my expectations?

I recognize this feeling! This was the feeling that I once felt so long ago... A longing and a missing of a person. I do not know how but though I am sad that this feeling is entangling me, I am glad as well... The ability for me to fall for someone is now revived!!!

Last night, I went out with Sophia, Dillent and Nick for a show. This was my first time meeting these guys. They were nice people and we went for a show. Batman begins...

Although this is an action show and somewhat fantasy, I did learn something rather important. A realization more than a revealtion. The sentence "Why do we fall?" keeps coming into my mind and the reply was instant. Just as what the reply was in the show "So that we can find our feet once again".

That is it! I fell so many times in the past yet I went from a "shipwreak" to another without resting. However, I did fall from a major relationship in 1999. I killed my emotions there in that year... Vowing never to fall in love or get into another relationship again.

It's really ironic but after 2years, in 2001, I got my feet back again. Praying that God would heal my heart and let me love again. Which He allowed me to love but I forgot that when I love again, I'll fall.

Last year, something happened and I began to understand what is lust and love. The difference and I vow to God, I'll never get myself into that stinking plight again!!!

I will do my best and leave these to God... However, I do not want to fall into the trap of killing my emotions again. Yes, I am found of someone but I will keep on waiting... If she's not the one, its alright with me. I know and I know... God will never short change me. He is my God. He is Elohim God. He created me and knows what is good for me. He allow things to happen in my life so that I learn not to do it again and know that He have a purpose for me in my life. He will not just give me the good or just the best... He will give me the MOST EXCELLENT and WONDERFUL gift... A beautiful, wise and God fearing wife!

God is my PROVIDER!!! In Him I will trust and will give my ALL to Him!!!

Yes I will walk on the water...

2005-06-17T00:22:00.000+08:00

After writing the earlier entry, I've another thing on my mind. Yes, my goals in 2005. By now, I have attained some of it but am thinking if I should change some of it and make it more challenging and some more to add on. There are some which I need to improve on it and be more specific about it.

Sometimes I'm wondering if I am also too comfortable about life and where I am. Am I getting to the directions I want for this year? There are things which I still need to change and improve on it!

I guess it'll take me sometime to plan what I want and to start doing it. Of it, is regarding my physical aspect. I've went for a jog on the 15th but my entire body's aching like crazy... Sigh... Had a new hair style... A little "LOUD" but I like it... Find that there are ways to improve on myself... Besides my appearance, looks, physical, I need to improve on my character, emotions, guitar skills, human relations (HR/ PR), capacity to handle more things... Also, to renew my love life once again. For some reason, I was not able to give my all for now. Always wanting to hold back. I want to be able to control my emotions but I do not want to be totally dead in my emotions.

I want to be able to rise up to be a voice and example.. To bring God's word into the lives of people around me. To bring down heaen into the lives of the people around me. One thought came to my mind earlier. I want to be the most stylist, macho, classy and Godly man. I know that there are many but I want to be one of them too. I want to be able to affect the lives of the people in my career and my superiors or those whom I'll get in touch with... If you're a Christian, and is reading this blog, please pray together with me, in agreement that God will begin to use me... Not just to be used by God to do little things but to be a problem slover, be more wise, be given wisdom and discernment, ability to be creatively productive... To be a destiny designer too...

I want to be able to love again. To find a worthy partner who is classy, stlylish, is worthy to be called a Christian, loves God whole heartedly and loves people. One who is also able to be transparent with me about her life and one who is able to be the "rib" of my life. Plays important part in my life. Or rather... One who is hardworking, honorable, faithful, pure, wise, prudent, is like a sheep, gentle... etc... there are more but it'll take a long time for me to write... =D

I want to be able to lead the people in my cell group. Especially for those who are placed under my care. I want to be able to help them grow to be a better person, who loves God. A new generation of young believers who will run the race with God and take the World by storm with their passion for God. They will be Holy, Obedient, Pure before God!

About getting attached...

2005-06-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

Strange things are happening to me each day. Especially for this week... Rather till now... Have been asked by a number of people if I have anyone in mind; When am I getting attached etc... Is this the time? Is it... Now? I wonder...

Not that I do not want to get attached but I'd really want to find someone to be with. However, this is not an easyy task. Even if I were to be offered a chance to be able to "shop" for my future wife to be in a NTUC/ supermarket scenerio, I guess it'll take me a long time...

You see, I do not want to get myself the wrong girl. Had made mistakes upon mistakes. As the saying goes "Once bitten, twice shy. Thrice bitten...' Well... It ends up with never try. If I were to follow that saying... It'll be the end of me back in 1995! Good thing is that, I'll never stop trying. I'm a champion in my own rights. I never give up!

Yes, there are times I felt like giving up. Yes, there are times when I felt so depressed that I want to throw down everything and never to be attached. Yes, I once did not have the courage to face another girl. Yes, in fact, I am never perfect BUT I am doing my best to be a better man.

In fact, there are a couple of people whom I am looking at. I guess I'd better not say it but these people should know or at least be able to sense. I mean... I hope that they are not that silly or that they are not interested in me... If they are not interested in me... then... What can I say? Only *sob sob* to wish them the best?

I do not understand somethings. When I was waiting for my turn to have my haircut yesterday, the hairdresser's friends were having a conversation and I was seated beside them and they chatted with me. Then things began to unroll from casual chats to getting attached and getting married. It's a little bizzare to me... Then next... they talked about having babies and a father to be also spoke on what he heard from the doctors. Apparently, the gyno told him that by having certain food/ fruits will effect the sex of the child. (Pardon my spellings and grammer)

Also, he share about the importance of the first 3 years of a infant's life and how the baby's life and character will be moulded in that 3 crucial years. I mean... It's all coming onto me rather fast...

I mean, all these things that are happening to me seems to be coming to me rather fast! Is this just pure coincidence? Or is this God using the situations to speak to me? I wonder...

Some updates on...

2005-06-12T00:25:00.000+08:00

Alright, alright... Its been sometime since I've blogged. Sorry for the delay of updating my blog. I do hope that you'd forgive me for not "updating" my blog so frequently as before...

It's been a rather busy time for me in the last couple of days. Work, classes and Church stuffs were so much that I've had little time to record down what happened so far...

For the past couple of weeks, I've been rather harsh on both Ron and JJ. I do not want them to be where they are and I'd really want them to go up to another level of maturity. I do not know if they'd understand but from what I perceive, it so happens that.. they still do not know what's going on in my mind.

Of late, after what happened, I do not know if I am being sensitive or what. I kind of felt a distance between Ron, JJ and myself. I just do not know what's going on but I do wish that the relationship between the three of us will be better. (I'm not saying that I'm having problems with them.)

Maybe they think I do not know what they are thinking about. How they feel etc... Maybe I might not be able to fully comprehen what they feel and how they feel. However, I do have an interest in their hearts.

I've written down a list of prayers for Ron, JJ, HaoJun, Rodney, Karen, Calvin Chan, Benjanmin, Peter and some others too... not forgetting myself. I do really pray that everyone in the cell group will be more united and respect each other, especially those younger ones towards the elder ones.

I do really want to see revival in N20. Without each other's support, the cell would not be able to function on its maximum potential. It's just like an army without communications and operations. If a leader is leading but the people under the leader refuses to listen but wants it their way, how can a leader lead?

Yes, though someone did say that if a leader leads, yet no one's following, that person ought to give up leading... Am I suppose to do that? Seeing that they are heading to nowhere? Am somewhat discouraged by what they are doing...

Actually, am rather burdened. Burdened about cell group, each individual's personal lives, my work, family, finances etc... I reall need someone to talk to or someone whom I can trust... Whom I can gt advices from.

After hearing what Pastor Kong preached, I felt somewhat relieved but I felt that I need to do something for the cell. I want to see more of them in the cell being on fire for God. Not for the wrong reason. Not for wanting to be a leader or other motives but purely for God. I really want to serve each and every one of the members and I really need to know how.

Work
As for work wise... So far, work's been rather great! I've been enjoying my life at work and enjoying a great deal of favour from my collages. They are understanding and helpful too. Although I do not know much about the industry, I've been doing my best to learn an pick up whenever I can. However, I guess I must really be omre diligient in my work but not only in work but in every aspect of my life!

Personal life
Meanwhile, I've been rather weighted down today by some thoughts. Things like myself... My attitude etc... I felt that I've not been praying as much as before even though I do want to pray but I simply cannot muster the ability to pray like before. Also, I felt that I'm back to my comfort-zone once again. I want someone to push me but... I don't like pressures... Sigh... I need to do something about my life... I guess it all goes back to my attitude. My attitude in life and my pespective in life too!

My prayer:
My Father in Heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your Kingdom come, Your will be done. On earth as it is in Heaven in my life today. Forgive me of my trespasses, sins and iniquities. Forgive me, just as I forgive my debtors.

Father God, I've sinned against You and have been carrying bad attitude, bad example, bad testimony and have been very slacked in the things given to me. I've not been diligent in my life and have sinned as I did not have much faith in things that I put my hands into.

Father God, You said in Your Word that without Faith, it's impossible to please You. I pray that Lord, today, forgive me for being such a let down. I've fumbled in my life but God, You did not give up on me. Time and again, You've trusted and believed in me. Help me Oh God, to be a better man for Your Kingdom. Help me shine like never before. Take away this stinking attitude of mine and keep my heart pure, always.

Do not let anyone take my heart away from You. Do not allow my heart to go astray. I admit that Lord, there are times I do hope to be attached but I pray that You forgive me. Help me to stay focus of the things meant to be done this year.

Oh God, I do not want to miss the moment You have for my life. Here I am, begin to use me. Hear the cry of my heart. Hear the cry of Your servant. Deliver me and help me oh God. Grant me strengt and the ability to focus on You and You alone.

Father God, I believe in You. I believe that You will help me and have heard my cry. I thank You oh God, for listening to my prayer, though it's written in my blog. By Faith, I know, You have heard my prayers and have done according to what I have prayed. To help me to be a more dilligent person who will love You more than anything. Who will be focus in the direction You have set for my life. Father, I pray that everyday, I will be in Your plan and purpose. Speak to me about Your plans. Give me dreams and visions today. Let me run the race for You alone only.

So God, I thank You once again, for Your love and amazing grace upon my life. Blessing, honor and glory belongs to You foreverr. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen!

First day...

2005-06-01T23:28:00.000+08:00

Yes! The much anticipated day of my life besides having a future girl friend/ wife/ being a Church staff etc... It's the day when I start my job at a new environment.

I was all soaked to skin when I reach the company. I still cannot believe that I am working in such a company even till now. Everything seems to be amazing me.

Was shown around and got to know a few people today. The best of all is to know that my entire department is filled with Christians! A pity that they are all sisters... except... for me... The good thing is that these sisters are all elder than me. (I wonder if its good or bad news for me) Good as in... They are able to tolerate with me and that I really need to grow to another level of maturity.

To be able to work with Godly people is really a dream come true to me. Especially when I have been praying for it to be so. Also, I really look forward to be able to excel in where I am placed in and bring forth God's Glory into the work place. I also want to shine for CHBTC (City Harvest Bible Training Centre) so that they will know that there is a difference when there is a Bible School student. The values I learnt in Bible school and the kind of Spirit Pastor Kong, Pastor Sun, Pastor Aries, Bro Bobby and God have... The Spirit of Excellence and be empowered to handle all situations. Characters moulded to do greater and mightier exploits for God!

Although I did not do much today, I find that time passes by very fast and easily. It's good and that I can no longer drag my feet to work...

Oh yes, I also got to know Christina; a fellow worker, who also started first day of work as me. Enjoyed chatting with her and well... Though she's from a different department, we were able to get along well. Haha... Am looking forward to reach out to her... An opportunity!!! Cool.. to preach the bible to her... :)

Another breakthrough!!!

2005-05-29T01:41:00.000+08:00

As I reviewed on what had happened today (28/05), I was really amazed. First, I was teaching Ron tuition, then off to meet my little student, Calvin Koh. Next, bringing Calvin, Chermaine, Chester and their maid to go Children's Church!

I can't believe the excitment in the kids. As I looked back, I was once like them too. Whenever someone says that he/she will bring me out, I'd really look forward to it. Though the level of excitment compared to Calvin Koh's, I really am ashamed of myself. He called me last night. Called again this morning asking me what time will I be there. If I were to count the number of times he called up, it'll be as many as a total of 12 calls during a span of 3 days!!!

Calvin was so exicted when we started to move towards the bus stop, he was literally smiling and running around! Man... What great happiness he displayed! What a joy to see him running, smiling and getting so excited about God. I really want that kind of excitement in him!

When we were on the bus, he was responding to Sister Whye Sum's games! I guess he's really really excited about going to Church... After what I've shared to him about God.

He comes from a family who are buddhist and are vegetarians. He does not know who is God... only Buddha. Nothing against religion... I believe that I am there, teaching him and to be able to bring him to Church, is a plan from God. It's a divine appointment with him and God.

Although I know Chermaine and Chester were not able to understand much of what went on from the start of Children Church till the end, I can still see the smile on Calvin's face. However, when we were on our way out, I noticed something which Chester did. As we were approaching the stage area, Chester, only 4 years old, was stretching out his hand as if he was feeling something... Like a person who was receiving rain in the air and applies it on his face. He did this action for a number of times. I believe he saw and felt something over there. The anonting of God, though I did not know what he was doing.

This is actually the first time I've brought a total of four persons to Church! Besides bringing so many to Church, I am blessed to hear from them that they would like to come Church again!!! GLORY TO GOD!!!

Looking forward

2005-05-27T22:15:00.000+08:00

Wow... I'm so glad!!! I've just gotten to the company to sign a appointment letter. What excites me was that the "announcement" of the pay I will get upon confirmation. It's almost twice the amount I get during my 3 months probation time. However, that's not themost exciting part. The most exciting part is that this will be the first full time job for me after such a long time!!!

Although during interview, I have to admit that I was very overwhelmed by the mammoth task that I hav to do. The people that I'll meet etc... Nevertheless, I was more excited to face the challenge and am raring to go!

In just a twinkling of an eye... It'll be wednesday! Then... Woohoo~~~~

It's not GOOD... It's FANTASTIC!!!

2005-05-19T01:23:00.000+08:00

It's been another seven to eight days or so that I've not blogged. I know there are some who are on the look out of what I'm into or what had happened to me.

Here I am, back to my blog. First and foremost, this seven to eight days have been the most exciting and fun days of my life yet...

Actually, for the past couple of days, I went on a journey of faith. It was really interesting and an experience which I'll never forget...

After the previous blog, the windows of heaven opened up for me. I went on an interview with both Lyn and Cynthia, from Manpower services. In the end, Cynthia helped me get an interview with DHL, scheduled on 13th May (Friday the 13th) Then, I received a call from a public listed company and was offered to be interviewed on the 12th May.

I know all these did not happen in a coincidence. In fact, this was the time when Rev Phil came to Church to bring a Word of season into my life. This was the conference which changed my life and my destiny in the future to come too.

It was also in this conference, Rev Phil laid hands on me, I gave my best offering. Even till now, I'm still rather shocked at the total amount given during eight session/ services I attended. Out of the eight services, I gave a total of seven offerings unto God. This was the most percious offerings I had given to God thus far.

God never short change those who loves Him. He's never early nor late. He's always there for us. Fact of the matter was this. Initially, I though the interview with the public listed company was a diaster. I thought I had made a mess out of the interview and they will never call me up anymore. On the other hand, the interview with DHL was the one which I had the most confidence. I thought I would have the job over there...

Honestly, whenever I go for each interview, I would pray before I get interviewed and would commit the entire interview to God after the interview. I am really desperate to get a job and to start earning a living.

On the 17th May, the public listed company's personnel called me up and inform me that I am short-listed for a second interview. This company showed me that they are very effecient and do work when they get to the office. Systematic, is what I would term it...

Shortly in the afternoon, I received a call from Manpower services that I am shortlisted by DHL for a second interview. I tell you, my moral was really high and I was rejoicing with JOY!!! Praising God and was also praying that I would get either one of the jobs. Especially, with DHL.

Both of the companies scheduled me for an interview on the same day, 18th May. Thank God that one is in the late morning while the other was in the evening.

When I was on my way to DHL, I was prayed till I reached the place. I was actually half and hour early for the interview. Moral was high and I was rather confident that I would get the job. Regardless I get the job or not, I thanked God that I was short-listed for both jobs! Not forgetting that I don't even have a local diploma, except that which is of Interior Design and Theology. These diploma, is never relevant to the jobs offered. That alone is a miracle!

I would like to tell everyone here that I was offered the job with DHL but the truth was that I stumbled upon some questions. Also, they were very concerned about my ability to work with them etc... So, yes, I did not get the job at all...

With this news, I was greatly demoralised. I felt the entire world crumbling down. In fact, I did not even want to go for the second interview at all.

I got back home at about 2.30pm and started to worship God and pray. I really did not know what's wrong. I thought everything was going on fine but why is this happening... I did not understand at all. I really did not... I was kind of devasted by the first failure...

Time flew past... 3.30pm approachs as my 4pm appointment with the public listed company drew near. I did what King David did. To ask God if He will give me success. If He will give me success, I'll go. If not, I'll not go...

While I was praying, I did not know what came over me. Time was running out and I went out of house in a hurry. I got a cab down to the company and was slightly earlier than expected.

Soon, the greatest fear came. Fear of failing the second time. I prayed and confessed the word of God. About fifteen minutes later, the Managing Director of the company turned up to meet me. (Before that, the two interviewers who interviewed me last week congratulated me and told me that the Managing Director is a very nice lady. I was feeling very nervous at that time too.)

I spent quite sometime... It seems to be like 30- 40 minutes with the Managing Director in the interviewing room. She asked alot of questions etc... I felt I did not answer well... After the interview, I thought she would tell me the same thing as what the manager of DHL would have told me, "We'll take you into consideration and will call you once we have considered". Instead, she told me, "Wait outside for awhile while I get the HR personnel to talk to you".

My first reaction was... "Am I hired or what? Why talk to the HR personnel again? Am I to go through the interview again?"

Moments later, Mylene (One of the interviewer) turned up and congratulated me. I was really surprised and really glad that I am hired!

Moral of the Story:
When things do not turn up the way that you expect, God will make a way. Even when the Children of Israel came to a dead end with the leading of Moses, God made a way. Indeed, God's way are HIGHER than our ways, His thoughts to our thoughts.

I now understand and know the reason God moved in my heart into giving. God do not need my money at all. What He wants is my attitude, trust and obedience to His words. I really am GRATEFUL unto God!!!

The power behind Malachi 3: 10

2005-05-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

Malachi 3:10
Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this," Says the Lord of hosts, "If I will not open for you the windows of heaven And pour out for you such blessing That there will not be room enough to receive it.

This verse is very well known to most of the believers. Today, I would like to testify of this verse and also share what happened in the month of April.

I just received an email from Church. This email is an official receipt indicating how much I had tithed to God for the month. As I check out the email, I felt led to count how much had I given in my tithe for the month of April.

As I began to count the five receipts, I was really surprised and amazed on the amount that I had given via tithings. Tithing is a 10% of my total gross income, aka the "first-fruit" I receive in every "harvest".

I've not been working for the entire month, except for giving private tuitions. However little the amount I've charged for the fees, I've been able to earn about less than $650 per mth.

In early April, I decided to go an extra mile. To give unto God a sacrificial offering. God tested me in the area of finances. I controlled my spendings and did not spend at useless things.

Oh yes, regarding my total tithe, it's not much but it's the obedience toward God's words. I tithe a total of S$130+. If you want to talk about my gross income... I guess it'll not take one to be a rocket scientist to be able to work out the gross income. God is indeed GREAT!

Besides being able to earn more than what my normal income was, I was also able to give offerings to God, pay for some of my own stuffs, pay some bills for my parents, give my parents cash, give to cell group fund, take cab to and fro... buy stuffs for my students etc... Wonderful to be a blesser!!!

God's words truly works and is still alive! God is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are having a rough patch, being to tithe to God and give Him a sacrificical offering! Amen?

May God Almighty bless you as you follow His commands.

It felt like eternity...

2005-05-09T02:15:00.000+08:00

Wow... I just realized that it's been sometime since I last blog in my entries. This one week or so seems like eternity to me... Well, I do hope that I could post some good stuffs here but alas...

Ok, I confess that I went for an interview once again but I failed. I feel really directionless. I ant to do customer service/ admin/ office hour jobs but it seems that its never gonna happen.

Some days back, my younger brother came to me and asked if I'm going to look for a job or at least get myself employed... Next comes the news that my dad felt numbness on the right side of his face... Thenanother failed interview... I misread a SMS sent by my choir IC and she SMSed me to asked which zone am I in etc... My world seems to be falling apart. I really don't understand it... I really don't.

God is really a very interesting Person. Just when I blog this, I felt a voice telling me... Child, if you think you're going through hell, I'm going through it with you too. Remember the story of Job? Job was the richest man in the East but he too, had to face with challenges. Within a day, Job lost everything. His so called friends and those closest to him doubted his faith on God. They even provoked Job to curse God etc... No matter how they provoked Job, Job did not sin against God.

Although my situation is not as bad as Job but I felt that the Lord telling me that He is faithful and Just. Just trust in Him and let Him have His way...

*think*
________

Alright, back to my recordings. Yes! I have completed my Bible reading for the month of April! I'm so glad that I did it again! I'm really glad! I want to be able to read the Bible and complete the bible reading as fast as possible... not for the prize but really am hunger for the Word of God.

What have I been doing for the past couple of days... Let me see... What else can I recall? I remember going for cell groups, watching "Kingdom of Heaven" with a sleepy JJ, went for interview, gave tuition, kept sending and hunting for jobs, watched soccer, played guitar etc...

There were a number of things I learnt and was greatly encouraged when I was in cell. Especially with Sis Jo. Well, I felt that I have gone on to another level of maturity. The past was placed behind me and I was able to talk to her and even gave my help when she needed help in cell. This is one break-through for me.

Secondly, I have been practising on how to hear from God, how to exercise Spiritual gifts etc... It was fun and interesting. God does speak to people even till now...

Thirdly, I felt that I have been praying more and harder than before. I really want to see a breakthrough in my attempts in job hunting. I do want to be more financially stable so as to support my parents, give to building funds, sponsor people to attend Bible School and go for more missions etc... In the nutshell, to be a Blessing to the people around me.

Oh yes... On the 5th of May 2005, Sister Gillian gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Alright... I admit it... I did not see the baby nor saw Sister Gillian but from what I heard, the baby was really long an beautiful.

Yesterday, when she was not around, some of the members missed her and asked where was she. Anyway, I'm glad that I rose up to the occasion to gather the cell and am beginning to do more things for the cell. It's really an honor to be of service to my fellow cell group members and to serve the people around me. I'm really feeling a sense of joy within my heart!

Yes, despite that I am still without a job till now. Yes, despite the fact that everything around me is not looking good. Yes, even it seems at a point that I felt I was in the valley of shadow of death... I feel the joy in my heart! I know... that I will be hired by someone whom I'll be of help and make great contributions to that certain organization. Yes... I just have that feeling... Of success! I know and I know... I don't know when it will happen... but the smell of breakthrough is in the air!!!

I realized that it's true that when one give God a sacrifice of worship and praise, God will hear and move. I went back to the place where I met God... 4years back, when He delivered me from the hands of the enemies. How He gave me the victory over them and they said with their own mouth... Calvin, God is with you... Thank your God that He is with you! Can you imagine the look on the enemies' face?

The feeling was wonderful! Nothing can describe it. I have this feeling once again! God will see me through. All I need is to pray like never before! Be anxious for nothing but in everything, PRAY!!!

----------------------

Couple of days back, I read something which really provokes my Spirit. In fact, after the Pope died, I have been following ever hard on the prophecies made in time past and found out till date that NOT ONE WORD of that prophecy by that Prophet have failed! The end is drawing very near as Pope Benedict is 78years of age.

I cannot cease what I was doing! I must pray, reach out, serve and do what I can, to raise up a new generation of young people who will be fervent for the Lord. To give everything of me to Him and Him alone!!!

____

Friends, the time to the end is really drawing very near. Do not waste your time and energy on things which can perish. Why keep sinning since there is a way to be redeemed? Why wait? Can you tell me how you'll lead your life tomorrow? Will you be really certain to tell me that you will be able to live to a certain age?

Life is very unpredictable. Don't be so naive to say that I am still young. I will be safe and sound etc... No one knows what will happen to them unless they know God. Even most, who claims to know God or have a relationship with God does not know what God is doing right now unless they are really that Godly...

Don't wait anymore. Turn your hearts to Jesus. Its not about a religion. I'm serious. God is about relationship. Everyone of us yearns and hungers for relationships and that's why, when one do not know what it is about, they get from a relationship to another worse relationship.

Friends, God will give you peace. God loves you so much that He gave His Son, to die for you and me. He, as God, came and humbled Himself to die for you and me. Who else can give such a love so great? Who else can ie for you and even save your soul from eternal damnation?

Even if there's one soul being saved through this blog, it'll be all worth it. Even if none is saved in the Name of Jesus, I have not been disobedient to His words and what He led me.

May the peace of God be upon you, in Jesus Name.

In spite of all...

2005-04-27T01:14:00.000+08:00

Well, what can I say? I confess up... I was offered a job by Spectacle hut on friday. Alas, despite the fact that I was in a way suppose to go for my first day training with them later on, I guess I have to give up this job.

I had to choose between God and job. I know this is silly but I'd rather choose God than to job. I thought I could work in this line as a full timer yet, they needed someone who could work on weekend. Weekend... my most precious time where I can fellowship with others as well as to serve God.

First, the job with my grandpa... then... MyGym, till now, no news from them... guess they do not want me there... then comes to Spectacle Hut... I wonder how long more should I stay unemployed. Correction... I should say, how long should I be a part time tuitor?

I felt rather frustrated. Can't work full time yet as I have not found one. Then, when I think I can work, I have to give up... On God? NO WAY!!!

I really need to pray more and ask God for favour and grace. So that I'd be able to get a job soon. I'd never want to take insurance as I can't be in it. Even if I can be in this line, I'd not want as I am not cut out for this line. In short, I'd trust God and God alone. He is my provider and Him alone shall I trust only. Regardless of what will happen, I do not want to forsake my Lord and Saviour.

TURN YOUR EYES UPON JESUS
LOOK FULL IN HIS WONDERFUL FACE
AND THE THINGS OF THE EARTH WILL GROW STRANGELY DIM
IN THE LIGHT OF HIS GLORY AND GRACE

Alot of things happened today. I went SGH for treatment on my ankle, then met up with JJ for lunch and even wanted to get something for Sherman. After that, we went down to SimLim to get my laptop's power adaptor, back home, off to tuition with WeiKeong and Bryan then to teach Calvin.

Amongst all lessons, the one which I had to teach WeiKeong was the one which disappoints me most. Great, disappointments in a day. What's more to come? Any worse? Devil, come and attack all you want. Though I may be in the pit of the valley of life now, I will still trust in God and Him I will look onto. You are nothing to me. Devil, I rebuke you in Jesus' name. Get out of my life. I bind your works in my life. I command you to stop all your works against me.

No weapons formed against me shall prosper. No kingdom raised against me shall stand. I shall be the head and not the tail. Above and not beneath. I'd be BLESSED in my coming and going out!!! In the mighty Name of Jesus!

------------------------------------------------------------

Felt so down earlier that I SMS Pastor Aries and asked him stuffs. I guess he felt that I am feeling down and I am really glad to have known such a wonderful Pastor and friend. My heart was really refreshed when he said that he will help me keep a look out for job opportunties. Even if he did not help me, that thought alone would have really greatly encouraged me.

I'm easy to please eh? Well, I'm easy-going. :P Anyway, I was asked to pose as someone's boyfriend. It's funny though because just when I thought that I want to keep myself for God's purpose till end of the year, things happens. I really pray that God will give me the preserverance to keep myself till 2006.

Busy busy busy...

2005-04-25T01:37:00.000+08:00

It's been a real busy day. From the morning all the way till the end was so packed.In the late morning, I was supposed to meet up with Rickson and his friends to take the shuttle bus but I was late as I did not know that the public buses down to Serangoon central would take such a long time.

Anyway, I missed the bus but there was something good out of it. I met JingMei at the bus stop and had a great conversation with her. Although I kind of like looked tired and felt very drowsy, I enjoyed the chatting with an ex-classmate whom I knew like 11years back. Gosh... 11 years!!! Can't believe it!!!I'm really aging... :(

Haha... good thing about the conversation was not the content. It's like when she was my classmate, I never talked much to her. Not that she was't attractive but because I seldom talk in class. :P

When I reached Church, it was about 1115hrs. I was so pressed for time as I need to be in Sister Gillian's place for a meeting with the rest of the helpers in cell at 1130hrs. Instead of panicking, I prayed. It's reallycool to pray even when I don't feel like it. Whenever prayers are made when I least felt like it, God will do something. He did for me. =) When I reached Sister Gillian's place, I was just on time. I was actually 3 mins earlier.

When I reached her place, she was preparing food for us. I helped her and got the food done. Before the food was done, Qiuping and ChengHao reached but both Derek and ChangChin was late. Sigh... There'sso much to do yet they...

Oh well, what to do? I thought there would be more time to be spent travelling but I was wrong. The entire meeting started at about 12.30 and ended at about lose to 1610 Yes, it was a long meeting but it's a little way too long.

Sherman, Rickson and JingJie was waiting for us at Orchard area to celebrate Sherman's birthday since 3pm onwards but we were not able to make it. So, after the meeting ended, th five of us took a cab down to meet up with them, to celebrate his birthday. However, when we reached, it was about 1650 close to 1700. The actual meeting with Sherman, Rickson and JingJie was at about 1705.

I was supposed to meet up with LiLian to go guitar lessons at 1630hrs but I called off the meeting and asked her to go ahead without me. Thank God that lesson starts at 1800 but because of the birthday boy, Sherman, I stay till 1730hrs before I went off for lessons. I was feeling rather tired when I was with them... I'm not tired of them but alright, I was a little unhappy that they delayed so much time, came late for the meeting with Sister Gillian and in the end, I can't even celebrate Sherman's birthday. I felt the trip was wasted and a waste of money too.

Anyway, I rushed down to CityHall and on my way, I met up with Pierre, my ex-cell group member and a close brother of mine. Had a good conversation with him and when I was talking to him, sleepiness crept into me. I admit I was alittle stoned when I was talking to him and wasn't even able to concentrate on where am I heading to. In the end, I missed my stop and wasted sometime to get to CityHall.

I thank God that I was able to reach CHEC on the dot but I felt bad too. Being the monitor of the class, I was late and needed the sisters to get the things ready for me, I really felt bad. I really pray that from the next lesson onwards, I will not be late anymore. I don't want to be late anymore too.

After lessons, I felt more relaxed. No more place to go nor anymore place to rush to. I wanted to wait for David after lessons for dinner/ supper but their meeting took a long time. While waiting, I was with Michelle, a classmate, practicing our newly learn strummings. It was fun though, to be able to practice with her. That's what I find. Actually, I enjoyed her company and I think she also enjoyed my company too...

Recap on what happened...

2005-04-24T14:13:00.000+08:00

It was an awesome time to be able to pray with JingJie, Ron, Markus, HaoJun and Benjamin at my place. It's more impressive to realize that Benjamin, HaoJun and Markus were very new in Christ and much more, HaoJun wants to accept Christ into his life today!

I was very excited and pleased to know that they are so excited for God. I really wish that everyone of them, especially HaoJun,Ben and Markus would not be in Church just for fun or for the excitements.

When we were praying, I was playing the guitar and in a way, encouraging them to pray. Then what pleases me and made me glad was not the way I played the guitar. It was the fact that JingJie and Ron rose up to the occasion and prayed. Not only that, they prayed for Markus, HaoJun and Ben. It was such a wonderful time spent with them... I believe all of us met God at the very same time.

In Church, Pastor taught about seed time and harvest times. It's really amazing on the type of things Pastor saw... It really explodes my mind...

After service, while felowshipping with the rest of the cell, JJ came up to me and told me things about Peter and what he did. I'm disappointed with Peter. He don't bath or take care of his personal hygiene and keeps scratching his entire body. It's so YUCKS!!! I dont dispise him but he ought to take good care of himself... His toes are like rotting and it gives a terrible smell. He's not even changed when we told him to change...

I felt a little bad after telling him off but I did not mean to hurt him at all. I just want him to clean up himself before going for interview or even coming to Church. It's just that simple. He keeps saying that he's trying to find a job...find? with him coming to a place to look for job with his smell? Who will wanna employ him? :(

I feel very disappointed in him yet I want to help him. What I can do is this much. The entire cell have helped him more than once and he's like taking everyone for granted. Leeching of everyone and anyone... I do hope that what I said to him will go into his head.

Fellowship of the.... Guitar???? Duhzzz...

2005-04-18T01:23:00.000+08:00

Alright, I'm just being a little lame here. :)

I was on the dot for class. Well, my classmates were really funny though. I wasn't feeling well last week and thus, was unable to attend class. When I reached, they were all playing a song and I was really happy for them but I was feeling sad cause I felt I need to catch up alot more. Felt pressurized.

After class, I returned the music stands. After which, I returned to class. Then something funny happened. I was talking to Jamie about the lesson I missed last week and from a distance, Catherine asked if I needed help to return the music stands. I was rather surprised because I returned everything before talking to Jamie.

After sometime, I realized that she was refering to my bag. It's also black in color and from far, it resembles the 8 music stands. I really thank God for such a helpful sister. :)

Then, David came and asked if I wanted to join him for dinner. (I was supposed to have tuition but I cancelled the tuition after David asked if I wanted to have dinner with him and the rest of the instructors)

After cancelling the tuition, I told David and waited for him, together with (I think the girl's name Michelle) and some other sisters. So, while waiting, we were practicing guitar together as there would be an assessment next week. I find that she's rather interesting... Cause she's like so eagar to learn and practice guitar.

A couple of tens of minutes passed by. David and the rest of the instructors finished their meetings and we went bugis for dinner. I was really gald that I was able to fellowship with the instructors in guitar class. Also, I was able to fellowship with David, a brother whom I got to know through SOT.

We had a good time fellowshipping and talking to each other. Some of the things he spoke to me really woke me up. I need to find a job and not slack around anymore.

A little something different.... God's presence

2005-04-14T01:48:00.000+08:00

Today’s happenings are simply too awesome that I really need to record it down. One of the facts was that, despite the fact that I've just had an hour's or so of rest... I was filled with energy throughout the entire day. From the time when I woke up at 3am till even now. The entire experience was simply phenomenal!

After watching the match between Liverpool, Lyon, PSV and Juventus, I actually wanted to fall asleep but somehow, I just couldn’t sleep. I’ve turned and tossed about on my bed, on the couch, my parent’s bed and all, I wasn’t able to fall asleep.

God prompted me to do something which I never regretted doing, which was to pray. I did as I felt led and went on praying. Even though it was a short while, I felt wonderful and more alert after that.

Before I could even try to sleep another time, it soon turned 7am. I got myself off bed and began to prepare for the day. Oh yes, I was supposed to go for the “interview” and see how things goes on in “My Gym”. So, while preparing, I kept on praying. Starting from the start of my parent’s business in the wet market, my family members to the day which I intend to spend my time. Every plan I think I would be having was prayed through. It was a wonderful time praying and talking to God. Especially, with my heart and soul OPENED to Him since yesterday morning’s prayer.

Right from the start of my journey, down to “my gym”, to the arrival of Ubin, Penny and the others was simply cool and wonderful. I noticed something around me too. People started to look at me as if I am some… ermm… strange aliens. Maybe I was perspiring too much but in the work place? Hmmm…

I’ve received three kinds of reactions from the kids at My Gym when they saw me. Reaction one, simply ignored me due to the pleasures of the games and fun they were having. Reaction two; they were too afraid of my presence and some of them even cried while playing, for nothing. They did not get hurt nor did anyone fight with them. None fell and injured themselves. The third kind, stuck to me like super glue. It was so hard to get them to go home!

Before I knew it, it was time for lunch. I was famished! So were the rest of the guys. Lunch with them was good and I got to know something about them too. They are real nice people with a great attitude.

After lunch, Ubin told me that I am free to leave as he did not want to tire me out. As such, I left earlier than planned, met up with JJ and Ron for a show. It has been sometime since I last saw them. I really wonder if they will be glad to see me, though I still feel rather weak in the body.

It was a wonderful time spent and it was great to have them to be my friends and brothers. I really want them to excel in their studies and do appreciate them deeply.

Just not too long ago, Ron told me in MSN that he felt God’s presence upon me when he saw me. He felt down but when he saw me, he felt refreshed and energized. I was really glad! I mean, I’m still glad right now! God’s presence upon me is one thing. For the presence of God to be felt by another person and by having God’s presence upon me, touching other’s lives is something which I’ve never imagined myself to have done, though I have that desire before.

Now I understand what was happening to me throughout the day. Prayer and a close relationship with God are important, especially when I am so hungry for Him! I felt that I have given Him the FULL reign of my life.

Yes, though I may still have weaknesses and flaws within me, it does not matter. God is not looking for flaws within us but a heart that’s after Him. A heart that’s willing to YIELD to Him!

I’m so GLAD! I’m so GLAD and I’m SO GLAD that His Presence is UPON ME!!!

Now I understand what it meant when Moses was on the Mountain with God 40days and nightsand how his face SHONE when he came down from the Mountain. God's GLORY and Presence was UPON me today!!! Hallelujah!!!

The JOY of the Lordis MY STRENGTH!!!

Discoveries along recovery lane...

2005-04-12T19:18:00.000+08:00

Gosh, now I realized what Kaka's dad said was really true. It really amazes me how chinese doctors works. They just feel your pulse and look at your tongue and they know whats going on within one's body.

After blogging yesterday, I went off directly to bed. I was simply too sleepy and in a way, yes, I am weak. However, I did not know how true was it as I thought I was on my way to recovery.

After waking up, I felt led to go to a chinese doctor instead. The first person that came to my mind was Kaka aka Calvin Chan's dad. I called Kaka up and made an appointment with his dad while I may still feel strong to travel.

Though the distance to his place/ shop wasn't long, it sure took alot out of me to get down there. When I reached there, I felt very giddy and almost fainted. Kaka saw me got off the cab and he seems to be smiling. Wondering what he's thinking. Maybe he's thinking that I should take that super bitter medications which he took before. I don't know. However, when his dad saw me, he quickly asked me to take a seat and took my pulse.

When he took my pulse, he said that I am feeling very weak and that I needed alot of rest. The medications that I took from both Tan Tock Seng and the GP was simply too strong for me and thus, my heart beat were racing and pumping like crazy. He told me not to take the full dosage of the medication and to take some brown sugar.

After I gotten the medications, I came back home and quickly took some brown sugar, dissloved with water and gulpped down. It worked! I started to feel much better and was able to last for more than an hour before I went back to bed.

My appetite improved alot and I was able to have a full meal after not having anything for days except Milo and warm water... not forgetting the drips and dosages of needles poking into my body to reduce the rash.

Good things I would like to thank God about during this period of time is that I get to witness alot of stuffs. Firstly, how much I mean to my family. Remember I was ranting about why my family members this and that when I quit my job etc?

Secondly, I realized that I have found a place in my cell member's heart. When I was there, I was the one who also helped booked the seats etc. They would call me up to ask if I have a seat for them etc. To me, these are not important. The most important thing is that my cell members do care and shower concern for me. That's what I really needed.

Thirdly, I thought I was just a face in the class of guitartist. However, I was wrong. Jamie, my instructor made that extra effort to asked if I am feeling better after I notified her that I wasn't feeling well.

Fourthly, I knew that I am well covered with prayers by my cell members and leader. This is very vital to every person because prayers are the basis on why things happen in Church and how people are changed.

Last but none the least, I realized that God's been with me all these while. When I called upon His name, He saved me and took me out of my diseases. He is my Healer and He still HEALS TODAY! This is by no means the UTMOST important to me as I really love the Presence of God.

From the very bottom of my heart, I really thank everyone who have prayed for me and those who showed concern for me all these while. I am greatly thankful and touched for all that you've done. People like my family members, JingJie, Rickson, ChengHao, Jamie, Penny, Elyrrolyn, Kaka, Ron and lots more... I pray that God will save those who are yet believers and those who are believers, God will bless them in everything they touch and every path they take. Overall, I pray that the very tangible Presence of God will come touch, prosper, mulitiply and subdue the odds they face.

My heart's willing...

2005-04-11T16:06:00.000+08:00

It's been some time since I last updated my blog. I have to apologise to everyone who reads my blog for not updating my blog as Im really sick nowadays. I want to write but my body's feeling extremely weak now.

On the 7th April, I felt a little strange as my body was itching all over. I did bath but I am not really sure what happened. What had I ate wrong? Since then, I've been to the doctors for three times. Twice in hospital and once with a GP.

I"m not sure how long this is going to end but I've not been having much food due to the disease on me and I've not been to service nor have I been to guitar class this entire week. I do really missed everyone in Church and cell.

I would like to chat on phone but the sickness is giving me mood swings and it's been more than 20+ years since I last had this and this seems rather serious to me now. Anyway, thank you for your prayers and I'll be back soon... I do sincerely wish to be back soon...

Food for thoughts

2005-04-03T00:12:00.000+08:00

I really couldn't understand it. Why was I not able to rest at all since yesterday? It all seems like one whole day to me. From the 1st till the 2nd of April... Is there any pranks played on me here?

1st April 05
It was a gloomy and rainy day. I am supposed to go for my physiotheraphy at 2pm but I was late. Alright, no excuse for me. I was plain lazy and did not want to even go for my physio. For the fact that I do not want to waste money...

In the end, I did not know how, I managed to get my feet walking to my door step and off into the streets. It was 1.45pm when I left my place to get a cab down but in the end, I was late. So much for my slackness.

By the time I hailed a cab in the rain, it was about 2:15pm. I called up to the appointment centre to inform them that I will be late... Yeah... too late to say that I'm late... I'm really dumb... :(

When I reached there, I somehow waited for about 15mins before the physiotheraphist came to see me. She made some scarstic remarks on me being late... Oh well, I deserved it...

After the apointment, I called up a couple of friends but, they were either too busy to pick up or that I'll end up hearing the dailing tone. Where are all my friends? I really wonder who will I be going out with later. It seems like another normal day to me until JingJie called me and I asked him out, together with Ron, for a show.

The show was a horror show. The Eye 10. I do not trust that much in those spooky stuffs because the One who is in me, is Greater than he than is in the world. One word from the One, this spooky stuffs will FLEE!

It's a rather dumb show and I really wonder why would people curse another without any causes. It seems very silly but evil for someone to curse someone who never do any harm to another.

The entire show's setting was in Thailand. The show seems demonic but dumb. I don't know how to put it into words but it's really funny at the way they do things. Like people being possessed by Spirits, Spirits coming to hunt people... how to look at those haunted stuffs. It's really in fact, a show which shows why would people be DUMB and idiotic enough to want to see the demonic things of the world. Namely, ghosts and especially, the spiritual world, which they have not even understood the things of the world.

Before the show started, I bought three pair of tops for myself and spent about $100 for it all.

Ok, it's not due to the show that got me wide awake all night. I really don't understand. Why am I filled with so much of energy. I even read the bible throughout the night and am still awake till now. I tried to sleep but could not do it. I was suffering from gastric problems.

2nd April
I felt a little jaded and felt as if my bones were cracking with every movement I made. When I was in Church, I managed to complete my Bible reading! Glory unto God.

When the praise and worship started, I felt different. I felt that my entire being'a relfexes were better and that it seems like a source of energy seem to be emiting from me. I felt a change in my body, a recharging sensation.

I was being prayed for and I really love the Presence of God. Pastor preached a wonderful sermon this week. Once again, well done and I am glad to have such a wonderful pastor and to be serving in the Church he is in.

After service, I went on to give the four new friend bible study. It was really cool but I did not feel any fear within or without of me.I felt very peaceful and shared part of my life with them. All of them seemed rather receptive to what I shared with them, though I did not know what did I say to them... I'm really not thinking much within my mind.

Whislt writing down this blog, I feel dizzy and giddy too. I need to rest... I can't... I have not start on my ranting on what my brother, Pierre, asked me. I'm rather not happy that this question have been put on to me for a couple of times by various people. I'm not complaining or anything but I seek their understanding.

Yes, I am still single but I am looking out for a girlfriend. I have not have one yet is due to the fact that I have not found someone I liked. I'm not being choosy or fuzzy. I know that if I want what I want, God will have what I want of the girl.

Secondly, I'm not stable in my finances. How can I have a girl when I am not able to feed myself with the income I make? How can I make my future wife/ girlfriend suffer with me? My heart is crying out... Can anyone hear? Can anyone understand what I feel and how I am thinking...

So what if I liked a girl? She's either attached, too good for me, not interested in me or that she's too tall for me... Sigh... I just have not found one which pleases me... So please, don't ask me anymore. If I were to have one.... I'll have one... but now, it's not the time yet... :(

Lazy day

2005-03-28T00:58:00.000+08:00

I guess it's due to the fact that I have been sleeping late into the night that I wake up late each day. I felt so rotten and evil... So dirty and so silly...

After waking up, I went on to do my usual stuffs before going on to teach Calvin. It's really cool to teach him. Well, something different today. While teaching him, his younger sister who is five, came and join us. She was in a way distracting us when I was teaching Calvin. Shortly after teaching him, his younger brother came in and jumped all around the room. It's so frustrating yet fun to see them jumping around.

Yes, I don't deny the fact that I love kids. How I wish I could have one my own. How do I do that? I don't even have a girlfriend yet. What's more, I am still jobless. Where and how am I going to get one or even have one?

Anyway, Calvin's youngest brother is really naughty and rude. He got his leg stucked between the wall and the bed yet he could yell at me. Come to think of it, it's real funny yet it's their nature. In a way, I taught him a lesson by not helping him until he stop crying. A little heartless but I have to teach him a lesson some way.

I thought of asking him to say sorry and thank you to me but I guess I shall not strive with a kid. I should give in to them and be nice. Treat them as one would to a kid and at times, teach them a lesson or two.

It was about ten in the evening that I left his place. It was one of the latest timing I left since I taught him about five months ago. It was worth it. I also understand from Calvin's parents that he listens to me a lot. So, I guess I've a major part to play in his life...

~~~Easter day~~~

2005-03-27T01:18:00.000+08:00

It's easter day! Thank God for this day. This was the day and time when Jesus rose from the grave and that's why we celebrated this day because of His victory over death.

Had a really late night yesterday but I am really impressed with the entire drama. I forgot to say in my last entry that Sister Gillian and I spoke to Peter about his life. After speaking to Peter, I find that I am also not as good as what I think I am. I began to find some common grounds between Peter and myself. Both of us are in debt and are also jobless. What a coincidence! Anyway, was able to "scold" myself while talking to Peter about his life.

Anyway, I reached the stadium at around 10am. I know I was a little late for choir but I really had no choice. I woke up late too. I was so happy to be able to grab seats which were rather front but was disappointed as my members were way behind the queue. As a result, I had to seat at the balcony again.

Oh well, what to do? Although it was the third time I've watched the entire drama, I find that the entire drama was really good. It was really an eye opener to me. Not that I did not know about the story but it's the entire scene when "Jesus" was whipped and the bloody scene. Ah, I'm not a saddist... I still remembered how I felt when I was saved about six years back.

Anyway, after the service at Indoor Stadium, all of us met outside the North entrance. I managed to help Qi Wei get the United live CD. I heard some part of the CD last night but felt that it wasn't that good. Subsequently, I find that the CD is not too bad at all. At least, I did not spend in vain.

I had a surprise call from someone whom I've not heard for sometime. Mag called me after the entire service. What a coincidence! She's off from work and wants to meet me up for a show. As my members did not want to go anywhere after the service; except home, I decided to meet up with her.

Actually, I was supposed to meet up with Daphne but I forgot that I have to meet her up at Chinatown point area. Well, what memory I have man. It's after the movie I watched with Ron and Mag that I remembered.

Yup, Ron went on with me to meet up with Mag. On the way to meet up with her, I met my ex-secondary schoolmate, Desmond. He's quit his job with the police force and is now working as a private investigator. He surprises me when he told me that he still remembers that he owes me $40 dollars. Man, that was how many years back and he still remembers.

In the conversation with him, I realized that he have backslided. Not only did he backslided, Sunny Neo too. I was rather disappointed but I know one thing... It's not by chance that I get to see him on the bus and get to know so much things which are happening in my ex-scoolmate's lives. I need to help them out...

Ron, Mag and myself went on to watch "Robots". It is a nice show. I wish I could have that kind of courage like the robots do. They were filled with fighting spirit and the will to survive. They were even willing to want to make things happen even when they are being bullied by the bigger organizations.

Yeah, it may be a show, but I want to be like them. To have the courage to do what I want and not sit down and whine and whine about my surroundings. See a need, meet the need. This sounds really familiar! Pastor did say that before. That's why City Harvest grew from strength to strength. each day.

I must do something. I need the strength and ability... Most of all, I need God's presence to help me find a direction in life. I must not let myself rot...

Back to Choir

2005-03-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

It's been some time since I last sang for choir. Today, is my first day back in choir. I remembered that after I admit what I'm weak in, I submit to God, after that, I ought to keep on living on and keep serving Him.

Today is actually the anniversary day when I received Christ into my heart. I remembered very clearly what happened and how I was moved to receive Christ. I'm grateful and glad that I've made that decision.

The entire drama production was wonderful. Whenever I watch the scene when Jesus was doing so much good and helping people, to the scene when He was betrayed and tortured, something within me starts to cry out. I still have that urge to want to rush down to stop them and help Jesus but I can't. It's afterall, a drama. I wonder how will I act if I were to be there, two thousand years ago. Will I still do the same thing?

Pastor shared on why Jesus stayed on the cross to give up His life despite the fact that He could have ordered/ called upon the host of angels to come and help Him. I realized that what was said about the bible is true. Jesus is both man and God. He gave up His divine glory to come down to earth, to identify Himself with us, redeem us, show us who God is and also, to let us know of His unconditional love He had for us.

Pastor also shared the story on how a missionary couple, who was in Korea, met with their adopted son. How the adopted son's natural mother died while trying to give him life. I heard that story two years ago. Nevertheless, it touches my heart and God reveled something to me...

The story:
The korean mother was on the run when Korea was in war. She was running from the war but was carrying the baby. On that very day when she ran, the baby was due to be birthed. She had no choice but to stop and, as there was a war, she had no one, to help her. Therefore, she hid under the bridge and gave birth to the baby boy.

It was a freezing day when she gave birth to the baby. To prevent the baby from dying after giving birth to him, she undressed herself until there was totally not a single piece of clothing on her. She's not crazy, she used her clothes to cloth the new-born baby so that he will not die. As a result of this, she frozed to death while protecting her baby.

No one ordered her to do so. She did it willingly. She did it out of her love, so that even if she dies, the baby would have the chance to survive. This love was also showed when Jesus, the Son of God, came and gave His life for us.

When I heard this, I was touched and understood why Jesus came and died for us. This love, so great, yet, there are people who rejects it, renounced it and even left God, bitter. God is a good God. He will give us what He wants. He will give us things which are good for us, not give us bad stuffs. I really wonder...

Lucifer was once an archangel of God. He was banished from heaven as he lead a rebellion and a third of the angels followed after him. I did wonder why did he do that and why would he reject such a wonderful God. When I was watching the entire drama, I saw something. Lucifer became bitter and hated God. He did not want humans to know God because he was punished of his rebellion. If a son is naughty, will the father punish or scold the son? If the father does not love the son, he will just ignore the son and let him be.

God loves everyone and anyone. He does not want us to get hurt. The devil is a bitter, angry and silly devil. He devises plots to get people to believe that God will forgive those who are in difficult situations. He lies, cheat and steal. Whatever seems right, is not of God. What is right is from God. A half truth is a lie.

Story of Slavery:
There was a time when Africians were made slaves. South America was a place where they buy and sell salves. Of course, there are no such things now. However, there was a time when they really did that.

A married couple was captured and placed to be on sale as salve. This couple begged and begged that the person who placed them on sale, to be sold together but they refused. They seperated them. Before they were sold, they hugged together and refused to let go but was forced apart.

One day, a very rich man came to town to look at the salves and saw them. He paid everything that he brought for his journey for that couple and took them home. When he reached home, he tore the title deed of them couple in front of them. It shocked the couple.

The rich man told the couple that they are free to go and he do not want to be their salves. However, they did not want to leave and go back to their country. This is because the chances of them getting caught again is very high and that they might NEVER get this chance anymore. To have met with a good man. So, they requested to work for the rich man until they died.

I began to see something from this. The captor is like the devil. Always wanting you to be his salves. The couple, may be even me or you who is reading. The rich man, is liken to God. God wants us to be free and not be a salve to the devil. However, it's a choice given to us, if we want to get caught again or to be free.

I really am thankful to my Pastor, for such revelations. I am even more thankful to God for raising such a wonderful pastor. Above these, I am thankful to God for being such a wonderful saviour and friend to me. Nothing could say how much I love Him. Actions will speak for itself... :)

I give my heart and all unto God. I do not want to hurt Him anymore. I will want to consecrete myself to God and to do what He wants me to do. I am still human but I will do my very best, not to hurt Him anymore. Jesus, I can't promise anything. Not that I do not want to make commitments. I am weak, but You, are strong. I am poor, but You are rich. I do not want to lie but I need Your strength to help me lead a life full of Your presence and to have victory over sin. I want to love You, until the end of time. Please forgive me for all that I had done. Help me and deliver me from these bondages... It's for me, that You have come... to set me free... :) I am Yours!

My God... Is AN AWESOME GOD!!!

2005-03-26T01:36:00.000+08:00

I've skipped two days and did not record anything there. This is because nothing much really happened as I did not travel around. Also, I was at home most of the time.. However, I was tempted into things which I have not given myself to for the past couple of months.

Actually, I was feeling rather condemned and down for the two days which I never record. Ok, I'll come clean... I sinned against God and felt ashamed to face God. In fact, am also disappointed with myself. I felt that I am somewhat like Peter. Using the very same mouth, which confesses that he loves Jesus and will go through everything regardless what's to come. However, the next moment, he denies Jesus thrice in a row. That was what happened Jesus was captured before He went on to the cross, to be nailed, on the cross of Calvary.

I just talked to Chermaine and Erwin. They were supportive and encouraged me to move on. I was glad that somehow, I spoke to her. In the process, I realized something and had a revelation during the converstaion with her.

I realized that I am still human when I sinned. Besides that, I was reminded of what Pastor Kong preached. The story of the Potter and Clay. When the Potter is moulding up the clay, He will look for flaws, to see if the product which He had moulded, is durable or able to withstand the pressure that is to come.

I know God is taking note of what I am doing now. He spoke to Chermaine of what I had been doing and through her, He said that it's ok to sin once in a while as I am still a human. I need to keep myself right before God and not go on sinning as frequently.

As I spoke to Chermaine, she was saying that God had a hard time fixing her up. I don't know how or why but my reply to her was this. "Yes its always hard to fix a sinner... but when the person is really fixed... u have to understand.... it's a Master piece". Not everyone is perfect but we can go on to be better.

Indeed, there may be things which seems to be against me but Bible did say this thing. All things work for those who loves God. I love God but I'm stll human. I may not be perfect but I'm on my way to perfection. The fact that I sin, is because I am still human and am subjected to sin.

I really have the heart and desire to be better. I know God knows what I want and what I need even before I asked of Him. I do not want to disappoint Him and I do pray hard that He will give me the strength and will to be a better man, a man with true self-control. :)

Strange feeling...

2005-03-24T01:26:00.000+08:00

Before I fell asleep last night, I felt funny on my tummy. Especially on my belly button. It hurts when I press it into my body slightly. It hurts and feels uneasy... When I woke up, I felt the same sensation too. I really wonder what's going on... Is it because I did not have proper meals for the past two days?

Brother Jeffery called me up, wanting to meet up with me. The moment I got up, I took about 30mins to prepare to meet up with him.

It was a nice time to be able to fellowship with him. I learnt a great deal of stuffs and was able to follow him almost all around Singapore to deliever goods with him. We shared our lives with each other and told how we got to know God...

Time flew and I had to go teach Bryan and WeiKeong... My primary 4 students. As usual, WeiKeong did not do his school's homework and I only can help Bryan out while WeiKeong was copying his friend's work.

After teaching the both of them, I quickly left and went on to Calvin's place. While teaching Calvin, Bryan's mum gave me a call and asked if I could teach Bryan one to one instead of teaching both WeiKeong and Bryan together. It's a hard decision to make. This is because I really do not know if I can afford the time to teach. I really need to pray for greater capacity to handle the long hours of teaching if I were to teach them individually.

Another problem is this... I do not know how to charge them if I were to teach them individually. Maybe Bryan got to sacrifice by paying more... Maybe... both got to pay a little more... However, I am really unsure if I would be able to afford the time to do so. Nevertheless, I need to get a full time job fast... I am thinking of being a teacher/ technical staff etc... I am not sure what to do but I seriously need God's direction to direct me in where to go and what to do...

GLORY to God!!!

2005-03-22T01:06:00.000+08:00

After praying last night, I felt better and did not feel as bitter as before. However, the damages been done. When I saw dad, he seems to be letting me have my own ways. He left some cash for me on my desk when I was asleeped. When we met in the room, our eyes did not meet. What I did really hurt him deeply. I really am at a loss of what to do...

I prepared myself to go and teach Calvin once again. When I reach his place, I realized that he was crying. After sometime, his maid told me that his mum just canned him as he forgot to bring his new water bottle home. When I saw his mum, she looked angry and said that he's been losing his water bottles too many a time. That was the reason why he was canned...

I really pity him. I guess, this is compassion... He was crying when he was even having his dinner. What a pitiful look... I really felt like wanting to give him a hug, to comfort him. I spoke to him for a while and his maid passed my pay to me.

Shortly after I taught him, his mum came into the room and tried to frighten him by asking if I want to bring him home. I find that its the wrong way to treat a child. Anyway, she came in, wanting to pass me my pay. Initially, I was rather surprised because his dad passed the money to the maid to pay me, without her knowledge. When she wanted to pass the cash to me, I was naturally surprised. When I told her that I've gotten my pay, I can sense that she was glad that I was honest enough to tell her the truth.

After a period of time, Calvin's younger sister was heard crying. Actually, I thought that Calvin's mum was on a canning spree but found out that she cried because her youngest brother scolded her. WOW! He's like four years old and is so fierce. What manner of a person will he be?

I witnessed, first hand, of his temper and what he said to his mum. It's very disrespectful! I sensed that it's not the small boy whom I knew. He seems to be another person. Possessed... came to my mind...

After I went back to resume teaching Calvin, I heard him crying... His mum was canning him and teaching him who's boss. I really think that he deserves the canning because he's been really too much and disrespectful... While talking about him... I realized something... The entire event reminded of myself...

When I got home, I call up dad and apologised to him. I explained to him about my behavior and the reason behind it. He accepted my call and told me that it's alright... I'm really glad that things worked out well and that I am able to get reconciled with my parents. As the saying goes... There's no overnight bad blood within a family...

I really thank God for showing me so many things within a span of two days. I will learn from the things which happened and will change for the better. I want to be a better person, not for myself but also for Christ, Church, personally and for my future wife to be whom I do not know, who will she be...

I've had enough... What stinking attitude!

2005-03-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

Earlier, my parents tried to talk to me but I don't know what's wrong with me. I got so disappointed with them that I even refused to talk to them. I felt anger bottled up within myself and I left home unhappy when it's time for me to go and teach Calvin.

Before I left, dad was calling me. I showed him attitude. This is really bad and it STINKS!!! What in the world am I doing? Why am I showing such attitue towards my very own dad? I am no longer young!!! What CHILDISH behavior!

Normally, I would be smiling or be happy when I got out of family and when I reached Calvin's place. However, I could not smile at all. I can't feel the presence of God at all. It's all my stupid attitude that causes it all. I should heed what was being said on Saturday. I ought to lift it up unto God and let go of it.

After teaching Calvin, I decided to give my aunt a call. I am so glad that she took the call because I tried to call her earlier but she wasn't home earlier. Now, I am able to tell her my decision. I've had enough and I do not want to hate my parents and myself because of money. Nothing in the world is able to get me another mum/ dad who gave me this life. Of course, God is the One who gives life but I must respect my parents in this. I guess its time for me to throw in the towel. I really cannot take it anymore. Finally, I told my aunt... I want to quit... She said its ok and I hung up.

I felt so relieved when I got it off my chest. I felt happier... When I got home, I seeked for God's help and asked God to help me to submit myself to His hands. I do not want to grieve my parents in such little things. I want to be a better person who is responsible and mature. I am a grown up now. Not a child anymore. I cannot just escape from problems but face it. I cannot say that I love God if I cannot do what God says. To love one another, just as how, I have loved myself.

Before I went to bed, I cried before God and gave Him all my problems and worries. I also asked God to forgive me and give me the chance to repent; to make up with my parents.

Thoughts... strings of events...

2005-03-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

It's sunday! Yes, time for cell group. I really wonder how many would turn up today in cell... I met up with Ron and Rickson before we left for Derrick's place. JingJie unable to turn up due to parental objections. Something interesting here...

Sometime back, JingJie told me about what his mum told him after he came to Church. I've realized something which is very interesting and I realized that the evil one is really not one who is creative! I've found a certain pattern in satan's attack on those who are Christians.

First, he would think that those who goes to Church are just going for a moment. However, when the person frequents the Church more often, his kingom will be under threat. He would begin to use the family members of the church-goer to say this:

1. Ever since you've been to Church, I've been constantly having nightmares/ falling sick.
2. It's because you've been going to Church so often, see, there's no peace at home. There's conflict between our god and Jesus. Stop going to Church.

These are some of the few excuses/ most common stuffs I've heard of or have personally encountered with. After that, the Church goer will get to choose. Either to choose God or to choose to listen to their parents. If they begin to obey God more than their parents, they will use parents to set pressure upon the church goer with this:

1. If you go Church during weekends, I'd disown you
2. You are grounded! You are not allowed to go anyway on weekends.
3. I'm deducting your pocket money from today on. This is to prevent you from giving to the Church and prevent you from going out.

If he/she is able to overcome these, the evil one will use try ways and means to get the Church-goer to get distracted with a girl/ guy whom they will fall in love with. Normally, this person will be one who will be a non-Christian. Who will entice you to get away from the Church or "challenge" the Christian of temptations with the person whom they love. If the other party is a Christian, the other party will mostly be one who is not so changed in life. Always wanting to go out with you so as to distract your studies. At the end, you'll lose commitment to God as well as to your studies.

You'll also lose focus on reading the bible/ praying. More problems will begin to surface up. Things like family problems/ BGR problems/ financial problems/ studies/ work problems. Then the person will find that being a Chrsitian is really difficult.

Then, there's other attacks as well. Either your family members will get into accidents/ fall sick/ go to a medium/ ask for divinations, so as to convience the family members that it's because this person goes to Church, that's why things happen. If the person stop going, then these will end. What evil thoughts of the evil one!

If all these fails, the evil one will begin to attack on the person's personal life. He will go all out to challenge the person's value/ integrity etc... Causing the person to feel condemned. He will also use the person's self-image, integrity etc to make the person lose focus on God and Church. He will also cause the person to find faults with the Church members/ leaders/ Church system. He will also throw more temptations/ challenges/ failures (mostly your past failure) to cause the Church-goer/ Christian to loose faith in God.

These are some of the many things I've either experienced or found in common. However, I realized something. That God understands and have promised ALL Christians that trials/ persecutions/ problems will never cease. Being Christian does not mean that we will have a life, bed of roses. However, we are to trust in God for He have already overcomed everything that had happened and is to come. We are to rejoice instead when these things do happen for Satan realized that we are being serious with God and that we are also a DANGER to the kingdom of darkness.

See, what vices/ traps will the evil one use/ do to get us out of God's will? Anyway, cell group was great. Although there are about 16 of us, only 3 of them are girls. This is a rare sight in my Church. I believe that the cell group, N20 and W332 are special because majority of us are guys instead of ladies. I believe that God is going to raise up great guys from these two cell group!

Anyway, after cell group, we had our usual fellowship. I was glad that Alex came to join us after his holiday to China. It's was good to have such a brother. Although he is new to cell and Church, its alright. I believe God can use me to mould him, to make him a better man.

The relationship between me and Derrick is getting better. At least we now talk and joked. It's a little strange when we spoke but I know, this will change for the better. A cell with unity will only GROW from STRENTH TO STRENGTH, GLORY TO GLORY!

After cell, we moved on to Orchard. Sister Gillian, Derrick, Ron, Rickson, QiuPing and myself went to town as we have different agenda to be there. We spent another 40mins together on the bus and it was a good time to fellowship with one another.

When we reached Orchard, Derrick had to go to work. So, the rest of us went off to Takashimaya and we window shopping. Sister Gillian went to look at some baby's bed and baby stuffs while the rest of us, head on to HMV.

After Rickson was done with the shopping for CDs for Bryan, we head down to City Hall where we met up with ChangChin.

Meeting with yet another... Kevin
It seems that the name, Calvin/ Kevin/ Kelvin is a very common name. Anyway, those who are called by this name are all different from each other though they might be of the same gender. Alright... Enough of crapping.

He tried to introduce me some insurance policy and plans but too bad. My finances were in a little doubt. As a result, I had to reject him for the time being.

Guitar Class
Well, I am glad to be back in the guitar class. Not that I am doing very well in playing guitar but rather, its because I want to learn more. There are alot of things which I am not good at. I want to be a better guitarist.

After guitar class, I met up with Philip. I met him up at HMV's Marche. Actually, I was rather hungry but I do not have enough. Therefore, I did not get any food but stayed on to talk to him to hear him out in his problems. I hope to really sow something into his life where he will really benefit and be changed for a better person.

It's been a tiring day. I really do not feel like going to work. It's not because I dislike working. Bible says that if I am not able to provide for my very own family, I am WORSE off than a non-believer. Now, that's the real reason why I was so fed up with myself and my situations...

Marriage... Service with... sigh...

2005-03-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

Haha... I am not the one married. I'm still single and available. It's my ex-classmate cum Church friend, Charlie's big day! I'm so glad that someone is getting married. Due to this excitement, I wasn't able to get to rest and also due to the things which were in my mind.

Anyway, I woke up rather late but good thing was that I was able to get to Alice's (Charlie's bride) place on time. It was really fun when we were going through the custom of getting the bride. The guy have to be accompained by his friends/ buddies to go to the bride's place to be "challenged" by her friends/ sisters. It was a time where the groom would be tested on how important the bride is and how much she's worth and how much he would be willing to do for her.

Over there, we spent about an hour, trying to convience the girls to let the groom get his bride and let them be together. Man, Charlie was really teased to the core. From singing aloud in the HDB estate, till everyone around the block popped out their heads to find out whats wrong to drinking of disgusting stuffs to eating funny stuffs, to getting drinks from neighbours to "paying" our way in to help Charlie get his bride. It was disgusting but it's fun to see such things happening even now.

When we reached Church, I became the videoman, in charge of fliming the entire process. Mervynn was supposed to be the videoman but as he needed to play the guitar for Charlie, I took over. Vincent, took over my duties by taking charge of the food and beverage. I really am grateful and thankful for such a wonderful brother in both Vincent Teo and Mervynn Lim. They are what I call, buddies and good pals!

Service with Sy
The entire service with Sy Rogers was really wonderful. At first, I was feeling very down due to the troubles at home and what happened these couple of weeks. Rev Sy Rogers spoke on "Keep on, keeping on". Sy Rogers is an Americian. He was once a gay who almost became a woman more than twenty years back. I really admire him and his courage. Most of all, I really admire the way he spoke and the eloquence he posses. Its really amazing!!!

He used alot of illustrations in the service. He used the illustration on silver and gold under-going through the process of being pure and perfect. There were many other illustrations he used but the most vivid and memorable one was the final one. The one which he shared on a figure angel which his daughter had many years back.

He shared that his daughter once had a angel figure which was fragile but beautiful. In order that the angel would not "die prematurely" he placed it up on a shelf beyond the reach of his daughter.

So one rainy day, his daughter and him was playing around in the house. As a young girl, his daughter was unlike those little girls. She was rather naugthy and boyish. She'd wrestle with him and even "fight" him till he's bruised.

On that day, she was chasing him in and out of the room till he came to a dead end. His daughter prepared herself, ready to fight with Rev Sy. So it was, when she made her move, he tried to escape but in the process of escaping, he accidently knocked the angel off the shelf and it smashed onto the ground.

Both his daughter and himself tried to save the angel but their efforts were wasted. Instead of crying upon seeing her favourite angel smashed beyong recognition, she told dad to use glue to paste it back.

So, Sy tried his very best to stick the angel back to its original state but ended up with a mosaic product. When he presented to his daughter, he apologised to her and wanted to give her his credit card to get whatever she wants. Instead of crying and making noise on the imperfection of the angel figurine, she made a very profound statement for a young girl age five.

She said to her dad. Although this firgure is not perfect, it does not matter. What matters is that she still love it regardless of its state.

See my friend, what Rev Sy wants to convey is this. Regardless who we are and what have we become. Christians who have sinned against God on purpose or not, God still loves us no matter what. God loves everyone; even the none sinners too. However, how can God help you when you do not trust Him? Its like how do you trust your mobile phone that it'll always get through when you are in emergency if you do not even want to have a mobile phone.

No matter who we are, straight, gay or even sinners, God still loves us and have sent His One and Only Beloved Son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth, to die for us, on the cross of Calvary. If He, being God, have humbled Himself to live as a man, which He need not, come for us, sinners. How much God have felt for us. How His heart bleeds whenever you reject Him over and over again?

Upon hearing this wonderful message from Sy, I felt so touched and glad. Even if my earthly father had let me down and have hurt me so much. I am glad that I still have a Heavenly Father in heaven who loves me and I have a huge family which loves me too.

I really am grateful and thankful to God for all that He's done. Easter's in a week's time. I can't forget the scene which I saw through Passion of Christ last year. It's very fresh and vivid in my mind. Last but not least, I still remember how I was saved in 1999 and every single event that went pass...

Father God, I love You. Come and fill me with Your love and peace. Give me directions in life so that I'll not be lost. Show me where to go, so that I can have a career that will have good prospect and that I'll shine over there as well as in my family. It's never by might nor by power that I'll be able to do what I am doing. It's by Your Holy Spirit that I am able to do the things I am doing.

I want to pledge my love and everything of me, into Your mighty hands. Come Holy Spirit, fill me and make me whole once again. I pray, in Jesus' name. Amen.

Blessings to trouble...

2005-03-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

This ought to be the last day of the course with Sy Rogers, however, I did not turn up for any of the session at all. What a waste! I shouldn't have spent that much of time with Cheryl earlier on and as a result of that, I did not turn up for the course.

About 2pm, I left home to "tradistic" to redeem my lappy. I am so excited and happy that I'd be having my lappy back but one problem I face is that, what do I want my lappy for? I'm not een using it and it seems to be a waste right now.

Good thing was that I still have some money with me. If I were to break to my dad that I ought to pay $80 for the reinstallation and repair fee, he'd jump at me.

When I got my lappy back, I was really satisfied and glad that it's now in working condition and that they have changed the casing of my lappy without my request. If I were to bring my lappy down to Acer, they would have charged me more than that. In fact, I did asked if they were to change the casing of my entire lappy, it would cost me at least more than a hundred dollars. I really am grateful to God for the fact that I got it for FREE!!!

After getting my lappy, Kay called up and wanted to meet up with me initially. As I was on my way down to get my phone repaired, we did not meet up at all.

Kay's a nice malay lady in her mid 30s I suppose. I got to know her through IRC and have now known her for about a year or so. She's friendly and she's married. Good to have friends who show concern and care for me...

I visited Kelvin Teng at his shop to get my phone repaired. It's been a long time since I last met Kelvin around early last year. Anyway, I am glad that he did repair my phone for me. This time, he did not get me to sell my phone off to him or charge me at funny prices. In fact, I really thank God for him. This was because he repaired my phone for free though my phone's datas were gone due to software corruption which hinders the phone from even starting up.

It was about 8pm when I reached home. When I reached home, I heard my dad complaining and my sister sowing discord between me and my dad. I really cannot understand why are they like that. It's simply beyond my understanding. Why should a family backstab each other rather than encouraging one another? Is it so hard to encourage one another? Or am I living in a fantasy world? Is it too much to ask for my family members to even support me when I am just starting out to work?

The worst disappointment was towards my dad. He's my dad and I'm his eldest son whom he dotes upon. Why should he feel so negative towards me? Why is he not even supportive when I said my aunt cut my pay and I want a change of job because with the pay I receive from working for them, I'd never survive!

Now he's saying something which will make you laugh! He's saying I'm unable to support myself etc... My own younger sister, my very sibling... told me to support myself and stop living off my parents. She is right to say that I ought to support my parents and not leech them but she forgot the fact that I am just starting out in my job and this is my very first full time job! My very first month too! Why are they coming on so hard on me?

Funny that the very same dad, who told me that having low pay is alright is asking me to depend on myself. How can I, when I do not even have a single cent even in my bank? Is this family, I'm living in, always so money-minded? If so, I'd really want to leave this family and move on to other place, never to be contacted by them at all.

Don't get me wrong. I do not hate them but I am really disappointed in them. Why must they do this to me? Why can't they be a little more patient? Don't my parents understand me? I've longed wanted to support my parents eight years ago. However, due to national service and studies, I was not able to do what I wanted to do. I thought that now, I'm working at my grandfather's factory, I can at least have some cash to live on, to support not only myself, my parents but also to pay off my debts owned to insurance company. I really am very hurt and disappointed...

Is there anyone who can identify with me? Is there anyone who can understand what I am going through? I want to leave the factory for another job... I really do but I've started not long... God, lead me the path and show me Your way..

Girls... sigh...

2005-03-18T11:59:00.000+08:00

Strange thing about relatives... I DID tell my aunt that I needed to be off for these three days and yet she still called me up and asked why I did not go and work. It's real funny to be asked with these kind of questions when I did tell her a couple of days before hand.

Anyway, I missed it again. I did not wake up early and did not turn up for the course Sy Rogers had for the Church. What commitment do I have? Why am I such a slack??

Jingjie came to my place and I taught him how to play guitar. He stayed over here for sometime before he left. It was fun to teach someone things I learnt which I learnt about two weeks back. I think I enjoy teaching things I am interested in.

After teaching JingJie, Cheryl, whom I knew via hi5 wanted to meet up with me. I had a chat with her till about 3am in the morning. Her boyfriend just broke off with her and needed someone to talk to her. So, being a friend, I talked to her and tried to talk to her to forget about that guy if she feels so terrible. One thing I learnt through th efforts of wanting to comfort girls are that if they would not listen, just listen to them and then never bother to talk them into forgetting anyone.

If they want to be hurt, just inform them about the consequences and what they will end up and that will do, as a friend. There is no point at all in trying to reason much with them at all. They will, in the end, still want to do things their ways. That's if the girl is stubborn and still wants it her way. In this, I would name it as Adult Adolesence...

I DO NOT want my future girlfriend/ wife to be like that... I'd rather remain single if that's to be the case...

Fateful day when...

2005-03-16T18:48:00.000+08:00

Actually, I was to go for Sy Roger's workshop/course in the morning in Church but due to the late night, I was not able to make it. I've disappointed myself, Sister Gillian and God.

I rested for the entire day and it was really good to have time for God and myself at home. Also, I tried to catch up with Bible reading for this month...

Honestly, I really felt like wanting to stop teaching tuition and also to call up my aunt to tell her that I want to quit. I really do not like to work there anymore... No will at all for me to be there or to work. Yes, money is the problem because the financial plans I've planned out, is completely destoryed by that news she broke to me.

In fact, my monthly expenditure is about $500 per month before I work. The money are spent mostly on transportation/ food and other stuffs. I need to save up, pay for insurance, repay debts, buy books, repair my computer stuffs etc... I really wonder what or how am I going to survive on with that little amount...

My phone died... I felt so terrible. I am unable to get the contacts I needed and arrgghhh.... I am so frustrated. My lappy needed to be repaired and I have to fork out $80 for it. Now, my mobilephone... I want to repair my diskman too... Where am I to find the cash???

No will to continue working...

2005-03-15T22:46:00.000+08:00

I woke up late and made Uncle ah Heng wait for me for about 5minutes. I felt bad about it...

When I got back to work, I felt rather unwilling to work. I felt like slacking over there and do nothing. Just walk here and there, pretending to be busy. When my uncle finally came, he told me that I need to draw this and that. Which I did draw some of it.

Sister Gillian called me and told me that Sy Rogers will be having a course on how to deal with those who are sexually inclined in the wrong direction. I was so excited that I agreed on it and told my aunt that I needed to be on course for the following three days. She just told me that I need to get the drawings done. Which I did do whatever I can do. I worked till about 6:30 but was still unable to complete it.

After work, I went directly down to Calvin's place, to teach tuition. My internet friend, Daphane replied my sms and she called me up to have a chat. I ended up chatting with her for about 30mins. Trying to convince her to forget the guy whom she like for he is very double minded. One moment, he'll say he love her and the next, he'll say, "forget about me" I wonder what in the world is coming... Moreover, he's a Christian! She's not a Christian... So... I'd only do what's right... Anyway, I needed to hung up on her as I had to continue teching Calvin...

Teaching Calvin is fun but I do get rather put off by him too. He'd not do the work I gave him and he's very forgetful. I really wonder if he really don't understand or is he faking it. I wonder...
On my way home, I was listening to the Church's "life" album. It is rather old but the songs moved my heart. I felt God's very presence comforting me. I felt I am very locked down by the circumstances around me. I felt that I am not really free to do the things I want. When I reached home, I played my game for awhile and then prayed for awhile... I did not linger long in the presence of God as it was very late and I needed to attend Sy Roger's lesson, which I wanted to go.

Some thoughts

2005-03-14T12:35:00.000+08:00

Since the day my aunt revealed that I'd be paid $40 daily, I've kind of lost that will to work over there in the company. Yes, I am trained in this area and that area but there's no communication when I work.

My Uncle's always out. He's the one giving me the work to do. I'm alone sitting at the table, doing the work given to me. There's only less than 5 people around in my area. My aunt (mum's younger sis) and her hubby are always busy with their work, and I don't really like talking to her hubby, namely cause he likes to put people off. That's one thing I dislike. He likes to boast this and that, comment whenever he's not asked of any comments etc... Proud and likes to boast... Then comes my first aunt, who pays me such low salary. I'd sometimes wonder if I did really make the correct choice in joining them.

Anyway, I'm supposed to go for my medical appointment but I woke up late for it. I tried to get a taxi but the taxi seems to run away from me. They do not stop at my side and always missed me. I'm so frustrated! At the end, I cancelled the appointment and made another appointment on the 1st of April, 9am, which coincides with the day when I collect my in-sole, but at a later timing.

Cheng Hao gave me a call and talked to me. He asked me about what do I really want in life. I can say I want this and that but I lack the motivation and the will to do it. Worse of all, I lack the direction and "goal" to do the things I want. I can't seem to find a way to break this! I must find a purpose in life. I cannot go on living a life without purpose!

Healing came like a Tsunami...

2005-03-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

JingJie called me up at about 6plus. After talking to him and setting the time to meet, I got back to sleep. In the midst of the dreams, I felt someone asking me, move your ankle and see if it’s still painful. I moved and realized that it’s not painful anymore. I am healed!

Though Rev Benny’s not preaching today, both Ron and Jingjie wants to be there early to get good seats. We were the first few to reach there at about 8:30am. It was really scary to see crowds building at such early time. If we were there later, I really do not know what will happen.

During service, I felt very comfortable and fresh! Towards the end of the service, Rev Kong prayed for those who are sick. Many raised up their hands and want to be prayed for. I prayed for JingJie and I realized that the same sensation Rev Benny Hinn and Pastor Joshua talked about, was upon me. I felt electricity/ numbness (not due to lack of circulation) upon my pair of hands. I laid my hands upon Jingjie and prayed for him. After sometime, he felt better!

Now I began to see something. What I felt yesterday, was truly from God. That voice was not God’s voice. It was to discourage me and make me leave God. Now I know why I fell down when Rev Benny prayed for the entire Church. It was God’s anointing and presence upon me, empowering me for ministry.

Second guitar lesson
I realized that the way that I used to press chords were wrong. Not totally wrong but some were in a way wrong. I need to strengthen my pinkie finger!

Finally, I bought my very own tuner. It is rather costly but it’s cool! I love it very much. I must treasure it!

Double service, Double anointing, Double POWER!

2005-03-13T03:22:00.000+08:00

I did not reach the stadium early as I know that there will be enough places for us. I just felt that we’ll be able to make it in. I met up with the usual two JingJie and Ron for service. Once again, God did not fail. The difference is that God moved in such powerful ways that many fell under the anointing of God. (I have been praying for my ankle to be healed. I want to have total healing)

On the third service, Rev Benny prayed for the entire Church. This is really exciting because I do want to be able to heal others by praying too. Everyone lifted hands and before Rev Benny prayed, I felt something touched my hands and I fell immediately. I felt as if something real heavy crushed upon me and it was really heavy on my chest when it happened. I felt I lost something… I tried to get up but was not able too despite that I tried…

After Rev Benny prayed, only than was I able to get back up. We continued praying for the sick and things happened again. Miracles and wonders took place. Deep within my heart, I was rejoicing but another voice came into my mind… It said, “You’re condemned. God had left you and that you’re not anointed to witness for Him”. When that came, I felt really uneasy and was pleading to God not to let me go. I pleaded to Him that I be a witness and never lack His presence…. I am afraid of losing Him!

When I reached home, I prayed for awhile and felt the presence of God upon me faster and closer than before. I do not understand what’s going on… I do not want God to leave me nor forsake me. I want God to be in His presence forever. I need Him and want Him so much that it grieves me when that thought came to my mind. I prayed and told God all that is within my heart. I poured my heart and soul unto Him till I felt peace.

After praying, I couldn’t get to rest. Though I am to meet Jingjie and Ron at 7am later, I really couldn’t get to rest. I went to the living room and watch the match between Manchester United and Southampton. I managed to watch only the first half as I was really dead tired during the first half…

Healing Crusade...

2005-03-11T23:50:00.000+08:00

I reached Singapore Indoor Stadium at about 1030hrs. I know it’s very early to be there as the crusade starts at 1900hrs. I had a feeling that I ought to be there early. I called up JingJie and Ron and decided to meet them there.

When I reached the stadium, I was real SHOCKED!!! Perplexed! There are so many people even at such an early time. It’s real unbelievable! Quickly, I moved towards the queue and found myself comfortably seated at the north entrance.

Shortly after I sat down, I too out my bible and wanted to read as well as to catch up with the bible reading program. Before I could even start reading, the lady before me spoke to me. After the conversation, I realized that she’s an Indonesian. She shared her life experience with me and prophesied to me.

Now I know why I am there so early… Anyway, she told me that I am called to be an intercessor and that I will become popular… I will bring many youths/ teens to Christ etc… I will bear that in heart and see if her prophecy will come to pass… If it does, then she’s sent by God, if not, it’s not by God but her own…

Anyway, the queue built up rather fast. It seems that when she finished, It was about 1pm. It was a long chat and I did not realize time flew past, especially when I was reading the bible. Ron came at about 1300hrs while JingJie came at 1400hrs.

These two brothers are really interesting. We talked and joked. Played with JingJie’s new phone and soon, I found myself talking with Edison, another Indonesian. It seems that I have been talking with plenty of Indonesians today.

The time came when part of the Indoor Stadium were blocked out due to the crowd coming in. The people behind me were cutting queue and well… What can I say? I don’t know… Am I being pious or have I expected too much of Christians? Why are they behaving in this way? Yes, I do cut queues at times but… They tried to squeeze into the stadium and pushed one another. They forget that there are some who are elderly and some who are having difficulty walking.

Both Ron and JingJie went around looking for seats. They were so active that they jumped over the barrier and wanted to take seats at the floor area only to be caught and rejected by the ushers.

I had a hard time calling JingJie as I lost both Ron and him. Maybe due to poor connection, I got cut off. I lost my cool and raised my voice when I got thru the second time. I shouldn’t have done so… Maybe the lady’s right. When I move on in God, I tend to find something in me that I need to get rid off. This is one of which I need to rid of.

Finally, I was reconciled with both of them and did enjoy the service with Rev Benny. God healed many sick. There are those who came in stretchers, wheelchairs and crutches. At the end of the service, God moved mightily. Many were healed. Lame walked, paralyzed walked, blind see, deaf heard. There was such mighty move of God that the choir team (more than 600 of them) fell under the power of God when Rev Benny swept his hands across their direction. They fell at one go.

It was a worthwhile journey. I am able to witness the powers of God first hand and saw Rev Benny do things. It will be something worth looking forward in time to come, if he ever comes back…

Trusting God despite not understanding...

2005-03-10T12:47:00.000+08:00

When I reached factory, I was really excited. Not due to work or any pay adjustments but the fact that I am trusting God that when I invite my uncle to come for the healing conference, he will come. I fasted and prayed…

I am really pleased with myself that I fasted. It’s been sometime since I last fasted. I felt closer to God.

When uncle came to factory in his wheelchair, I was glad and prayed secretly that God will move in his heart and that he would say yes to go Church this weekend. He wanted to see Rev Benny Hinn in actions but when I wanted to show him the clip where Rev Benny was in action, he did not want to watch. In fact, he rejected me. I feel rejected but I am glad that I tried asking.

During lunch, I spoke with Chermaine over the phone. I felt so agitated that I just wanted someone to talk to. I need someone to talk especially when the comment my dad made left me baffled! What he said was real funny (not the joke sense but illogical sense) and unreasonable. He asked why is it that I mind the amount of pay I receive so much etc…

Yes I know its better to earn some than to earn nothing but I must look to swim forward and not let the waves drown me and let me die. I do not know what but I know I have a Spirit that will not allow me to be defeated. I will never live a life of defeat!

Courage to witness... Demoralized... Frustrated...

2005-03-09T23:55:00.000+08:00

Finally, I have the opportunity and courage to speak to my uncle. I had a good time speaking to him and witnessing to him, telling him about the signs and wonders God are doing even in our very own generations. However, his heart is closed though he did “listen” to me.

Well, I can only persist and keep on asking. I am not asking him to convert but to go attend the Healing Crusade taking place this weekend.

The delivery man came back late and thus; I was not able to get back home as early as before. I am frustrated with the fact that I am unable to draw a drawing properly and encountered some difficulty in drawing it.

Well, I guess working for our very own family members does have its short comings. Due to the fact that I am working for five days a week, my aunt told me that instead of getting paid $1.3k per month, she offered to pay me $40 per working day. Only when I am working, will I be paid.

This came in like a shock, a very unpleasant “surprise” for me. Before she broke this news to me, I was planning how to pay back my debts. Including the one JingJie helped paid for my guitar. I called up most of the debtors but all I can say is that it’s all in vain.

I felt like wanting to quit there and then but I chose to talk to my mum first before any actions. I know I am no longer young but I still want to let them know what’s going on before quitting the job.

When I told my mum and dad about it, instead of agreeing that I ought to find another job, they scolded me instead. For what? Well, for saying that the pay’s low. I mean if I were to work for a month. I am paid $40 per day, I can only work 20 days per month which sums up the gross pay to be S$800 per month. That’s EXCLUDING CPF!

What am I going to live on? This is real atrocious! Even IF I am paid about S$1.3 per month, after CPF, I’d be left with about a thousand. I will still have problems as I also want to plan for other future events in my life. For example, to get a wife, house or even car. What am I going survive on? How am I going to find a wife when I am not even earning much? How am I going to support my family members? (Namely my parents) and if I were to be married, what about kids/ studies/ food/ transportations/ bills etc…?

After reaching home, I saw some newspaper advertisements and something took my attention… A petrol station is paying S$1.6k for someone to wash a car! Man, I might as well go there and wash cars. Talk about skills… This is too much! I am super under-paid.